There are three urinals in the gents next to my office. I followed a chap in there

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

You're scared of that bad boy, aren't you? You fear it, and yet, you think of it almost constantly. It haunts yours dreams, awake or asleep.

Bear in mind that there's nothing wrong with it.

I must say c, you are never more lyrical than when discussing the erectus delectus