I've got to go to a black tie do tonight that's going to be full of glorified cabbies

[Burney]

It's in a conference hotel near Gatwick. There will be dried out chicken breast. There will be a z list TV presenter to hand out the cráppy awards. There will be a Monopoly money casino.

There will be banter.

How many bad life decisions must have I have made that I still need to do this shÃ*t?

I haven't had to go to one of those for ages. I must be due one soon.