I've got to go to a black tie do tonight that's going to be full of glorified cabbies

[Sir C]

Maybe Jim Davidson will be the celeb?

I had lunch with one of them last week and we both noted an extremely attractive young lady walk past our table.

His opening gambit? "Let's rape her and then kill her."

I shÃ*t you not.

[Pat Vegas]

I had lunch with one of them last week and we both noted an extremely attractive young lady walk past our table.

His opening gambit? "Let's rape her and then kill her."

I shÃ*t you not.

he will be the future Prime Minister.

[Burney]

I spent all of that day basically pressed up against him. Every time he asked a question I was in there like a shot. At one point he asked everyone to taste a sauce and demanded to know the missing final ingredient; when I went to answer he held up his hand and said, 'I know you know, but I wonder if anyone else does?'

They didn't. It was lemon. He beamed at me because I hadn't let him down and I almost passed out with pleasure.

So you were a class swot?

[Burney]

I had lunch with one of them last week and we both noted an extremely attractive young lady walk past our table.

His opening gambit? "Let's rape her and then kill her."

I shÃ*t you not.

Wow. There's nowhere you can go with that beyond nervous laughter, is there?

Unless you bagsy first dibs, I suppose.

[Sir C]

So you were a class swot?

I wish it were that dignified. I was an unashamed teacher's pet/fanboy

It was sickening.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Tomorrow I will drive home

Your friend will have his driving ban doubled