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Thread: Off to do something stupid in a minute. After my violent food poisoning on Saturday

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  1. #1
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I once did in the Chat House in South Croydon. Happily, the sink was in puking distance of the lavatory.

    That was a bad evening.
    Not 'at the bar' though, was it? Any fool can void himself in the khazi, b. True heroism is being blown asunder with one's foot still perched on the rail.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Not 'at the bar' though, was it? Any fool can void himself in the khazi, b. True heroism is being blown asunder with one's foot still perched on the rail.
    What would one do in that situation, though? Stand there and try and style it out, slowly retreating to the door? Or flee into the night like a feculent Mr Hyde, leaving behind a trail of soupy bowel water and chunder?

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    What would one do in that situation, though? Stand there and try and style it out, slowly retreating to the door? Or flee into the night like a feculent Mr Hyde, leaving behind a trail of soupy bowel water and chunder?
    That would depend entirely upon the quality of the establishment. Should such a thing ever happen to me in my usual watering hole, I would be carried gently to the bathroom and bathed by willing manservants. In a Wetherspoons, I suspect I would be battered senseless by the shaven-headed yob next to me.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    That would depend entirely upon the quality of the establishment. Should such a thing ever happen to me in my usual watering hole, I would be carried gently to the bathroom and bathed by willing manservants. In a Wetherspoons, I suspect I would be battered senseless by the shaven-headed yob next to me.
    I'm not sure you're right. Short of declaring a major medical emergency and calling an ambulance, I don't think any effective social mechanisms exist to deal with the eventuality of a grown man simultaneously puking and sh1tting himself. There can only be the terrible moment when everyone realises what's happened followed by panic.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I'm not sure you're right. Short of declaring a major medical emergency and calling an ambulance, I don't think any effective social mechanisms exist to deal with the eventuality of a grown man simultaneously puking and sh1tting himself. There can only be the terrible moment when everyone realises what's happened followed by panic.
    To be fair, if I was standing at a bar and lost control of my bodily functions so catastrophically that I simultaneously vomited and moved my bowels, I'd want someone to call a fúcking ambulance. I mean, those sort of symptoms warrant more than some Andrews liver salts and a lie down, down't they? This is a case of dysentery at best!

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    To be fair, if I was standing at a bar and lost control of my bodily functions so catastrophically that I simultaneously vomited and moved my bowels, I'd want someone to call a fúcking ambulance. I mean, those sort of symptoms warrant more than some Andrews liver salts and a lie down, down't they? This is a case of dysentery at best!
    Yes. And even if they didn't, I'd go down and stay down feigning unconsciousness in that case just to avoid the social awkwardness involved in remaining upright and sentient.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Yes. And even if they didn't, I'd go down and stay down feigning unconsciousness in that case just to avoid the social awkwardness involved in remaining upright and sentient.
    I think the technically correct response is: "Beat that." followed by a long draught of your beer.

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