I've been thinking about my mate Clarence.

[Burney]

Clarence Clemons could have done a job in Milan's defence, I'm sure. Big chap like that? No worries.

I agree with you but with the reminder that what are often referred toi today as 'wingers' rarely are. They are generally simply wide midfield players. A true winger ends the game with his outside boot coated in chalk and plays 20 yards higher than a wide midfielder. He should also have a name like Ruel and be clinically incapable of crossing a football.

Wingers must get it to the byline and whip it into the mixer, where their efforts will be met with concussive force by the forehead of a burly centre forward. This is the law. Ideally, they should be willowy, somewhat effete individuals who occasionally display 'silky skills' or 'tricks' that result in them being horribly mangled by an outraged full back and left in a crumpled heap on the running track.

Proper football, that.

[Sir C]

Wingers must get it to the byline and whip it into the mixer. Ideally, their efforts will be met with concussive force by the forehead of a burly centre forward. This is the law. Ideally, they should be willowy, somewhat effete individuals who occasionally display 'silky skills' or 'tricks' that result in them being horribly mangled by an outraged full back and left in a crumpled heap on the running track.

Proper football, that.

Graham Rix looked like a proper winger but was only occasionally played as such. Usually Sammy Nelson would be tasked with overlapping him. Then, of course, he developed a taste for the younger lady, as well as an enthusiasm for the racial abuse of juvenile footballers.

Quite the varied career, really.

[Burney]

Graham Rix looked like a proper winger but was only occasionally played as such. Usually Sammy Nelson would be tasked with overlapping him. Then, of course, he developed a taste for the younger lady, as well as an enthusiasm for the racial abuse of juvenile footballers.

Quite the varied career, really.

Yes. Who would have thought at the time that Rix would have ended up joining our illustrious list of criminals and wronguns? He seemed so innocuous.

Mind you, Chelsea have form for sexual deviancy with young girls. Didn't they have a winger who got done for showing his cock to schoolgirls? Clive something?

[Sir C]

Yes. Who would have thought at the time that Rix would have ended up joining our illustrious list of criminals and wronguns? He seemed so innocuous.

Mind you, Chelsea have form for sexual deviancy with young girls. Didn't they have a winger who got done for showing his cock to schoolgirls? Clive something?

Clive Walker? Was he a flasher? Who knew?

Have you watched This Country? I am taken with the crime of 'peeping'.

[Burney]

Clive Walker? Was he a flasher? Who knew?

Have you watched This Country? I am taken with the crime of 'peeping'.

He was indeed, the dirty swine.

I must admit I've not watched it. As a rule I tend to assume that anything that starts life on BBC3 isn't for me. Is it good?

So what does 'peeping' entail?

[Sir C]

He was indeed, the dirty swine.

I must admit I've not watched it. As a rule I tend to assume that anything that starts life on BBC3 isn't for me. Is it good?

So what does 'peeping' entail?

You should definitely watch it, it's excellent stuff.

We never learn the details of 'peeping', it's just a line. A very amusing line.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Graham Rix looked like a proper winger but was only occasionally played as such. Usually Sammy Nelson would be tasked with overlapping him. Then, of course, he developed a taste for the younger lady, as well as an enthusiasm for the racial abuse of juvenile footballers.

Quite the varied career, really.

Didn't he only start doing that when he went to the Chavs? I'm not saying everyone connected with Chelsea FC is a racist nonce, but.....

[PSRB]

Wingers must get it to the byline and whip it into the mixer, where their efforts will be met with concussive force by the forehead of a burly centre forward. This is the law. Ideally, they should be willowy, somewhat effete individuals who occasionally display 'silky skills' or 'tricks' that result in them being horribly mangled by an outraged full back and left in a crumpled heap on the running track.

Proper football, that.

See: Walters, Mark