Have you ever been somehwre unfamiliar on the tube

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I have walked from Acton Town to Heathrow via all the stations to explore these exotic wastelands. The tube journey now seems tame by comparison.

Mercy me a, you must have passed through the living hell called Hayes Town. Those of us who have lived near its environs simply call it the Open Prison. I knew a Hayes girl who had her anus tatooed to resemble a pouting cherub with the caption "gizza kiss" on her buttocks*

*may have made that up, convinced she probably exists