To be fair, if I was standing at a bar and lost control of my bodily functions so catastrophically that I simultaneously vomited and moved my bowels, I'd want someone to call a fúcking ambulance. I mean, those sort of symptoms warrant more than some Andrews liver salts and a lie down, down't they? This is a case of dysentery at best!
What an appropriate name for the gravity-defying defacator
10 characters? Pile of cund.