I do like how barking mad Noel Edmonds is these days. Not content with banging on

[Monty92]

If it were a one-off case of lying to spare someone's feelings or because they're a bit mental, that would be one thing. However, where it becomes (as it has) a lie that coerced out of one as part of a systematic programme of 're-education', I'm afraid I'm going to insist on digging my heels in. As I said earlier, once you make people accept blatant and demonstrable lies as unarguable truths, you're on the path to totalitarianism. To accept that for the sake of a quiet life is an act of moral cowardice.

Agree entirely about the requirement to lie being imposed by systematic (be it state or cultural) forces - that's the line in the sand for me too.

I danced with one at a wedding once. It was one of those totally unconvincing transers too - six foot, shoulders like a scrum half, terrible wig..........sucked a mean cóck, mind.

[Luis Anaconda]

Agree entirely about the requirement to lie being imposed by systematic (be it state or cultural) forces - that's the line in the sand for me too.

I danced with one at a wedding once. It was one of those totally unconvincing transers too - six foot, shoulders like a scrum half, terrible wig..........sucked a mean cóck, mind.

Scrum halfs tend to be small chaps

[Monty92]

Scrum halfs tend to be small chaps

I thought I might have got that wrong

Aren't they the ones who take the ball from the scrum and then get flattened by all the other ****s?

[Burney]

I thought I might have got that wrong

Aren't they the ones who take the ball from the scrum and then get flattened by all the other ****s?

I used to play scrum half until I was about 15. It sort of worked because it rewarded sneakiness and a modicum of physical courage but didn't require one to be particularly quick. Then the forwards started growing to enormous heights while I remained resolutely of average height, so I thought 'bugger that' and have never stepped onto a rugby field again.

[Luis Anaconda]

I used to play scrum half until I was about 15. It sort of worked because it rewarded sneakiness and a modicum of physical courage but didn't require one to be particularly quick. Then the forwards started growing to enormous heights while I remained resolutely of average height, so I thought 'bugger that' and have never stepped onto a rugby field again.

Scrum halves are also usually loud, opinionated buggers who never shut up. Not you at all, b

[Sir C]

Scrums are also usually loud, opinionated buggers who never shut up. Not you at all, b

I sat next to Matt Dawson at a charity dinner once and he was absolutely delightful company. Also at the table were Will Carling and wossisname, the big lad. Martin Johnson. Both Dawson and Johnson referred to Carling with the moniker 'Bum Face', I remember, which was entirely appropriate.

Grand bunch of lads.

I got horrifically píssed and bid £1,000 for the use of a Bentley for a weekend, which prize I never colllected. Why the fúck would I want a Bentley for the weekend?

I hate drinking.

[Luis Anaconda]

I sat next to Matt Dawson at a charity dinner once and he was absolutely delightful company. Also at the table were Will Carling and wossisname, the big lad. Martin Johnson. Both Dawson and Johnson referred to Carling with the moniker 'Bum Face', I remember, which was entirely appropriate.

Grand bunch of lads.

I got horrifically píssed and bid £1,000 for the use of a Bentley for a weekend, which prize I never colllected. Why the fúck would I want a Bentley for the weekend?

I hate drinking.

Johnson is indeed the big lad. Had the misfortune of watching Question of Sport over Christmas and Dawson just struck me as someone trying to hard to be "funny" or a "character - although the fact that he has to try suggests he may just be a nice lad when the camera isn't on him.

I hope it was a worthwhile charity - were there any, um, attractive females in short black dresses at this event by any chance

[Luis Anaconda]

I thought I might have got that wrong

Aren't they the ones who take the ball from the scrum and then get flattened by all the other ****s?

Pretty much - you get some sizeable ones but it is probably the last rugby position left that a small fella can play in. We used to have one at our club who was so short he could actually run through some other players' legs