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Thread: There' been a distressing lack of Masterchef chat lately

  1. #1

    There' been a distressing lack of Masterchef chat lately

    For the record, then: I hate the intense little blonde tart with the tattooed on eyebrows - although Marcus Wareing clearly wants to fück her and will therefore let her away with murder. I also hate the private chef with the beard who likes to cook with kale and is clearly enamoured of all this Scandi cooking shíte. I want him to fall into his own sous vide machine and drown.

    Beyond that, I don't care who wins.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    For the record, then: I hate the intense little blonde tart with the tattooed on eyebrows - although Marcus Wareing clearly wants to fück her and will therefore let her away with murder. I also hate the private chef with the beard who likes to cook with kale and is clearly enamoured of all this Scandi cooking shíte. I want him to fall into his own sous vide machine and drown.

    Beyond that, I don't care who wins.
    They're all as dull as all fúckery, but the ball-busting blond bird will win, sans doute.

    Beetroot. Who gives a fúck about beetroot?

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    They're all as dull as all fúckery, but the ball-busting blond bird will win, sans doute.

    Beetroot. Who gives a fúck about beetroot?
    She served a fücking banana that looked like a diseased cock and böllocks, ffs! She also failed to have the cream spurting out of the end for comic effect. She should lose for that alone. Instead, they all kissed her arse. If any restaurant tried to serve me a banana for my pudding, I'd throw it at them.

    Beetroot can fück right off. Also, if I see another cünt burning a cabbage, I'm going to take to someone with a blowtorch.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    For the record, then: I hate the intense little blonde tart with the tattooed on eyebrows - although Marcus Wareing clearly wants to fück her and will therefore let her away with murder. I also hate the private chef with the beard who likes to cook with kale and is clearly enamoured of all this Scandi cooking shíte. I want him to fall into his own sous vide machine and drown.

    Beyond that, I don't care who wins.
    I saw some of it last night after training. There was a chap doing a plankton risotto. Just to clarify, he put plankton into a risotto.

    Apparently it smelt like a harbour which any person will know is not pleasant.

    I was having a large bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by SWv2 View Post
    I saw some of it last night after training. There was a chap doing a plankton risotto. Just to clarify, he put plankton into a risotto.

    Apparently it smelt like a harbour which any person will know is not pleasant.

    I was having a large bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes.
    I did wonder if when he made that comparison, he was taking into account the stench of rotten fish guts and diesel, I must admit.

  6. #6
    I like the smell of diesel
    Second to petrol
    (sniff) mmmmmmmmmmm
    10 characters? Pile of cund.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I did wonder if when he made that comparison, he was taking into account the stench of rotten fish guts and diesel, I must admit.
    I did think the reaction to the chick’s dessert was a little excessive, banana and some made up product called Yuzu. She can fúck off. I don’t think she even served ice cream with it.

    Essentially I think they were determined to put her through after the restaurant round and just went over the top.

    Also only fair to point out Gregg Wallace, what a ****.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas View Post
    I like the smell of diesel
    Second to petrol
    (sniff) mmmmmmmmmmm
    Petrol's nice, but there's something rank about diesel.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    She served a fücking banana that looked like a diseased cock and böllocks, ffs! She also failed to have the cream spurting out of the end for comic effect. She should lose for that alone. Instead, they all kissed her arse. If any restaurant tried to serve me a banana for my pudding, I'd throw it at them.

    Beetroot can fück right off. Also, if I see another cünt burning a cabbage, I'm going to take to someone with a blowtorch.
    Wareing's going to be up that like a ferret up a trouser leg.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by SWv2 View Post
    I did think the reaction to the chick’s dessert was a little excessive, banana and some made up product called Yuzu. She can fúck off. I don’t think she even served ice cream with it.

    Essentially I think they were determined to put her through after the restaurant round and just went over the top.

    Also only fair to point out Gregg Wallace, what a ****.
    Isn't he, though? I'm amazed no stories of him molesting contestants have come out. I'd have put good money on him being a keen sex pest.
    Last edited by Burney; 12-07-2017 at 02:47 PM.

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