May I interest you all in my homemade lunchtime sandwich?

[Sir C]

2 slices of thick sliced brown bread
thick layers of butter
spreads of caramelised red onion chutney on both bread slices
generous splodge of coleslaw
garlic sausage slices
extra mature cheddar sliced

I forgot to add spreads of english mustard which was upsetting but the dining experience was still sublime. Can anyone beat that?

I have fried some onions and garlic in butter, added assorted torn wild mushrooms and cooked down; then sliced taleggio on top, cooked until the cheese has melted and gone a bit crispy at the sies. This mixture was loaded onto thickly sliced sourdough. I considered adding diced pancetta, but felt this would simply be gilding the lily.

Yet another triumph for the open sandwich.

[Burney]

I have fried some onions and garlic in butter, added assorted torn wild mushrooms and cooked down; then sliced taleggio on top, cooked until the cheese has melted and gone a bit crispy at the sies. This mixture was loaded onto thickly sliced sourdough. I considered adding diced pancetta, but felt this would simply be gilding the lily.

Yet another triumph for the open sandwich.

You ate it with a knife and fork, didn't you? That is not an open sandwich, it's mushrooms on toast. Quite different.

[Sir C]

You ate it with a knife and fork, didn't you? That is not an open sandwich, it's mushrooms on toast. Quite different.

I did eat it with a knife and fork, do you think I am some sort of animal?

There was no toast. It was a sandwich without a lid. An open, if you will, sandwich.

[Burney]

I did eat it with a knife and fork, do you think I am some sort of animal?

There was no toast. It was a sandwich without a lid. An open, if you will, sandwich.

Not a sandwich of any sort. Sandwiches are eaten with the hands. You have just put some **** on bread and eaten it with a knife and fork. Call it what you like, but kindly remove the word 'sandwich'

[Sir C]

Not a sandwich of any sort. Sandwiches are eaten with the hands. You have just put some **** on bread and eaten it with a knife and fork. Call it what you like, but kindly remove the word 'sandwich'

Forgive me, but when were you appointed arbiter of what constitutes a sandwich? I don't remember seeing the anouncement in the London Gazette. It was an open sandwich. Like it, lump it, or poke it up your arse. As you prefer.

[Burney]

Forgive me, but when were you appointed arbiter of what constitutes a sandwich? I don't remember seeing the anouncement in the London Gazette. It was an open sandwich. Like it, lump it, or poke it up your arse. As you prefer.

I am not the arbiter. This man is. Do you seriously imagine that, as he squandered his fortune at the gaming table, he had time to use a knife and fork? Of course not.

earl-of-sandwich.jpg

[Sir C]

I am not the arbiter. This man is. Do you seriously imagine that, as he squandered his fortune at the gaming table, he had time to use a knife and fork? Of course not.

earl-of-sandwich.jpg

Everyone knows that he didn't exist. He is a mythical figure, like Gandalf or Benjamin Disraeli.

[Herr Floyd]

I have fried some onions and garlic in butter, added assorted torn wild mushrooms and cooked down; then sliced taleggio on top, cooked until the cheese has melted and gone a bit crispy at the sies. This mixture was loaded onto thickly sliced sourdough. I considered adding diced pancetta, but felt this would simply be gilding the lily.

Yet another triumph for the open sandwich.

That seems like too much effort. I wont spend more than 1 to 2 minutes effort assembling my tuck.

[Sir C]

That seems like too much effort. I wont spend more than 1 to 2 minutes effort assembling my tuck.

I bet it took the same amount of time to prepare as your sandwich.