I've been thinking about my mate Clarence.

[Burney]

Clarence Clemons could have done a job in Milan's defence, I'm sure. Big chap like that? No worries.

I agree with you but with the reminder that what are often referred toi today as 'wingers' rarely are. They are generally simply wide midfield players. A true winger ends the game with his outside boot coated in chalk and plays 20 yards higher than a wide midfielder. He should also have a name like Ruel and be clinically incapable of crossing a football.

Wingers must get it to the byline and whip it into the mixer, where their efforts will be met with concussive force by the forehead of a burly centre forward. This is the law. Ideally, they should be willowy, somewhat effete individuals who occasionally display 'silky skills' or 'tricks' that result in them being horribly mangled by an outraged full back and left in a crumpled heap on the running track.

Proper football, that.