the missus’s grandfather who has early on-set dementia, lost his wife 4 months ago and was the world’s most boorish, self-important **** even when he was compos mentis.

And now throw into the mix my mother-in-law who is in the throws of her latest episode of psychotic paranoia and is currently accusing her daughter (my missus) of - among even more outlandish claims - breaking into her house and stealing jewellery.

All of us holed up in a rickety old farm house that hasn't been properly cleaned for about 20 years, eating supermarket food and pretending everything is normal.