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Thread: peter. You cannot abandon a lady and leave her potless and homeless.

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  1. #1
    Quote Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas View Post
    Why did she pee on you?
    Was the toilet out of action?

    I think the same foul-streamed fate befell Sir C in his bed once too
    Might have been an ex comrade in the dorms
    Oh no that chap shít himself and we both rolled around in it in our sleep.

    I had his shít in my hair, for fúck's sake.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Oh no that chap shít himself and we both rolled around in it in our sleep.

    I had his shít in my hair, for fúck's sake.
    Hang on. Just to get this absolutely clear, all you bourgeois, hard-working, civilised types have been pîssed on or had each other's shît in your hair and the like?

    Yet I'm the untermensch for living in a truck with my sound system of a summer just cos I drink Special Brew and have a few mates with dogs on bits of string?

    I may have gone months without washing - deisel fumes, wood smoke and a stout pair of goretex books to stop your feet minging do wonders - but I've never had to worry about piss in my mouth or shît in my hair.

    I never realised I'd lived such a sheltered life.

    If this is what being a working, upstanding citizen does to a chap, thank God for squats and giros.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    No a brass horse. Great big thing, lived on the mantelpiece. Heavy, you know. Also hard. I felt like a cartoon character with little birdies flying round my head.
    Unpleasant. It’s one thing women punching you or slapping you. It doesn’t hurt, after all. But large metal objects are a different kettle of fish. That takes a proper mental case.

  4. #4
    She's practically a homicidal maniac; why on earth would he want to breed with her

    No, violent lunatics are all very well, of course. Great bunch of lads, for the most part; hearts of gold and whatnot. But you only get together with them in the first place because there's little or no chance of being stuck with them forever.

    And P is a pinko and a cat lover so, deep down, he understands this perfectly well, even if it took over a decade for the thing to play out.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    No excuses. No 'reasons'.

    She is a lady. A delicate flower, yes, but a flawed one. They make mistakes. They're not in control of their ovaries.

    Our job is to protect them, to forgive them, and to nurture them, not to abandon them to a shop doorway and a life of selling blowjobs for a fiver to cover their crack habit.

    Go and apologise, make your peace and bring some babies into the world. It's what Jesus would want.
    "Plenty of strikers can score goals," he said, gesturing to the famous old stands casting shadows around us.

    "But a lot have found it difficult wearing the number 9 shirt for The Arsenal."

  5. #5
    So we've lost interest in poor Peter's dreadful predicament I see. I am surprised no-one suggested the obvious solution of him delivering an almighty great kick in the **** to his tormentor. She would at least be somewhat taken aback as I believe she perceives him as some kind of soft touch.

    In my experience even the foulest and most vociferous old harpy pipes down as soon as you fire the old Doc Marten into their growler

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Herbert Augustus Chapman View Post
    So we've lost interest in poor Peter's dreadful predicament I see. I am surprised no-one suggested the obvious solution of him delivering an almighty great kick in the **** to his tormentor. She would at least be somewhat taken aback as I believe she perceives him as some kind of soft touch.

    In my experience even the foulest and most vociferous old harpy pipes down as soon as you fire the old Doc Marten into their growler

    Jesus christ....

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Peter View Post
    Jesus christ....
    I'm not sure he could help you on this one, p.

    Still, H's recommendation of violence is a little below the belt.
    “Other clubs never came into my thoughts once I knew Arsenal wanted to sign me.”

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by IUFG View Post
    I'm not sure he could help you on this one, p.

    Still, H's recommendation of violence is a little below the belt.
    Everyone is on my case about not giving her a penny from the house.

    I find this hugely depressing.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Peter View Post
    Everyone is on my case about not giving her a penny from the house.

    I find this hugely depressing.
    Just giove her the house. You're a man, you're strong. You can fight and toil and get another house. She is but a weak and feeble woman. What does she know from houses and how to get them?

    Try to act with fairness in this matter and you will learn to love yourself.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Peter View Post
    Everyone is on my case about not giving her a penny from the house.

    I find this hugely depressing.
    I find this strange as well, she is certainly entitled to a %, what that is needs sorting out.

    Good luck, horrible thing to be going through, feel your pain
    Northern Monkey ... who can't upload a bleeding Avatar

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