Well, I for one respect your decision to be true to your word.Originally Posted by Peter
Whether she deserves it is another matter. Could have been a kind of Stockholm Syndrome going on, if she was as bad as you say. Presumably you loved her once, which is when you made your promise. At least you were aware enough not to marry her.
Does she deserve it?
There were periods where we were happy but she has got steadily worse over the last few years, largely because she does absolutely nothing. She is bored out of her mind every day because she let herself become completely dependent on me.
But my word wasnt based on what anyone deserved. I specifically said it remained the deal whatever happened and however angry I might be with her.
It has to be said, she isnt normal. She suffers from an undiagnosed personality disorder and this hugely affects her behaviour. She isnt just horrible, its deeper than that.
Her behaviour has been appalling and she is now horribly lonely and a bit helpless as a result. she is also having to come to terms with the fact that this is all her fault. she deserves all of that, no question, and I hope it leads to her trying to sort herself out. It wont
she doesnt deserve to be chucked out of her home and left with nothing. And her mother certainly doesn't deserve to see her daughter conned out of her inheritance by a vengeful ex partner who gave his word he would never do that, under any circumstances.
She has a mental illness so deserves treating fairly like anyone else with an illness... there is every chance that she can't even help how she is and until she gets the correct help she will continue heading the way she is.There were periods where we were happy but she has got steadily worse over the last few years, largely because she does absolutely nothing. She is bored out of her mind every day because she let herself become completely dependent on me.
But my word wasnt based on what anyone deserved. I specifically said it remained the deal whatever happened and however angry I might be with her.
It has to be said, she isnt normal. She suffers from an undiagnosed personality disorder and this hugely affects her behaviour. She isnt just horrible, its deeper than that.
Her behaviour has been appalling and she is now horribly lonely and a bit helpless as a result. she is also having to come to terms with the fact that this is all her fault. she deserves all of that, no question, and I hope it leads to her trying to sort herself out. It wont
she doesnt deserve to be chucked out of her home and left with nothing. And her mother certainly doesn't deserve to see her daughter conned out of her inheritance by a vengeful ex partner who gave his word he would never do that, under any circumstances.
Sorry to say, i know how hard it is to live with someone who suffers like this (unfortunatley I could be going through all this soon) and like you, i will not leave her empty handed, I have paid ever bill for the last 7 years bur she deserves half the house etc as i see that as fair.
Northern Monkey ... who can't upload a bleeding Avatar
Thanks for that and sorry to hear about your situation.
Everyone around me tells me to only think of myself and to hell with her. Easy to say, much harder to do when the person in question is someone you have shared your life with for 12 years.
what she has done over the last 3 months or so has been appalling by any standards. Its some kind of mid life crisis, made worse by some other health factors which I wont go into.
I warned her repeatedly that I was going to leave but, mid infatuation, she just didnt care. Now it has hit home what my leaving actually means she has crashed horribly. Its hard enough to not go back and offer help. I am certainly not going to steal her only security from her.
Apart from anything else, she still has the cats and the dog. where are they supposed to go???
I know our circumstances are different, but if it comes to us going our own way I won't let the mum of my 3 kids struggle to afford a house, it isn't her fault she can't now work and medication doesn't seem to help ..... she is still a mum and any help i can give I will
Northern Monkey ... who can't upload a bleeding Avatar
Yes, your situation is different but the principle is the same. With mine, she could work but only for a short period of time. Then there would be an argument and she would have to leave. It just wasnt worth the drama and she would burn through every company she could work for in a matter of months.
I didnt mind looking after her but as the years went by the demands grew higher and more expensive and she left me to do everything. she literally wouldnt even put the bins out. I'd go to Malaysia for a week and come back to a house that looked like studnets lived in it.
As hard as the last few months have been I am sort of glad it happened. It woke me up to some awful things that had become normalised in my head. I've been so unhappy in the relationship for years and have tried to leave so many times. Its best for both of us but she cant see that. She can only see how hard her life is going to be without me to support her.
It's very sad but I had to get out. she has no intention of acknowledging her problems and seeking any help. Part of me hopes my leaving will prompt her to do this but I genuinely doubt it.
People are telling you that because those of us with experience of those with those in the so-called 'Dark Triad' ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad ) know exactly how toxic these people can be to those around them.
For the record, I'm not saying cut her off without a penny, but I would point out that the money is your leverage and as such is one of the few ways in which you can control - or at least ameliorate - her behaviour.
I get your point. My hope is that by selling the house (that isnt going to be easy!) and giving her a share I can get her out of my life altogether. She doesnt know where I live, if she turns up at my work she will only do it once, and she cant contact anyone I know or my family.
As long as the house is there in my name and our money is tied up in it she has a hold on me. I want to end that, no matter the cost.
p, I'm dreadfully sorry to hear that you're going through a bad time. You have my sympathies. Always remember that 'this too shall pass', and you will come out the other end.
You do come out the other end. Generally, much, much, poorer.
The fact that I am still giving my ex-wife several hundred pounds every month doesn't grate. Not at all.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
“Other clubs never came into my thoughts once I knew Arsenal wanted to sign me.”
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