Tonight the temperature will not fall below 20c. It’s mid-October.

[Sir C]

I keep feeling really hot and having to take my dressing gown off. Is it global warming? The menopause? Or have I just completely fvcked my body's thermostat with drink?

Go and wash yourself, you repulsive creature.

[Burney]

Go and wash yourself, you repulsive creature.

I'm currently in bed writing a feature about motors for electric vehicles. I worry that washing might interrupt my creative flow.

[Sir C]

I'm currently in bed writing a feature about motors for electric vehicles. I worry that washing might interrupt my creative flow.

'Motors for electic vehicles are the work of faggots and Satanists'.

That should be your opening argument.