Anyway, on to other matters. To wit, camping.

[Pokster]

I have camped across half of east Africa, you silly man.

Campest person on here

[IUFG]

Campest person on here

Camper than a row of tents

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I have camped across half of east Africa, you silly man.

East Africa? Piece 'o piss man! Come and talk to me when you've wild camped among lethal crocodiles in the Northern Territories as I have.*

*Possibly not a shred of truth in that.

[Sir C]

East Africa? Piece 'o piss man! Come and talk to me when you've wild camped among lethal crocodiles in the Northern Territories as I have.*

*Possibly not a shred of truth in that.

Are you suggesting there are no crocodiles in east Africa?

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Are you suggesting there are no crocodiles in east Africa?

The crocodiles of East Africa are notoriously effete c. One need only mention Australian salt water crocodiles to them and they become tearful and frightened. Glorified alligators!

[SWv2]

I yearn to be at one with nature and, to this end, have decided to take up wild camping. There is a particular spot up by Angle Tarn at which I am determind to watch the sun set, frying sausages over a wood fire. But I overtake myself. In order to learn the secrets of camping I have purchased some equipment with which I will practise in teh garden: a tent, two sleeping bags and two bed rolls. The total cost of these items? £83.

That's value, that is.

I have always found the camping experience to be enhanced hugely by magic mushrooms.

I doubt you will take my advice.

[Sir C]

I yearn to be at one with nature and, to this end, have decided to take up wild camping. There is a particular spot up by Angle Tarn at which I am determind to watch the sun set, frying sausages over a wood fire. But I overtake myself. In order to learn the secrets of camping I have purchased some equipment with which I will practise in teh garden: a tent, two sleeping bags and two bed rolls. The total cost of these items? £83.

That's value, that is.

I have successfully erected the tent. It's yooge!

Word to the wise. When seeking quality camping equipment, don't go to Argos.

[Burney]

I have successfully erected the tent. It's yooge!

Word to the wise. When seeking quality camping equipment, don't go to Argos.

Mandatory 'Your first successful erection in a decade' witticism.

[Sir C]

Mandatory 'Your first successful erection in a decade' witticism.

It smells of plastic. The tumescent tent. Hot plastic

[SWv2]

It smells of plastic. The tumescent tent. Hot plastic

Camping is shíte, there is no other honest summation and description of the experience / ordeal.

Cold, damp and guaranteed to wake up at an ungodly early hour.

Your options are limited - to drink the bit out and just pass out overcoming the cold, but then you are dying in the morning and dying while lying down in a fúcking sleeping bag, which no man can style out – or to just not bother going to sleep in which case you have not camped, you have stayed out.

Scouts camp. Adult scouts are nonces, this is actually a fact. There is a reason for this correlation.