Major dramas

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I’m a Jew living on the borders of Islington. I’m already a marked man.

But yes, we have considered that, but you’d hope these chaps never want to see us again as much as we don’t want to see them.

Although killing us would be a neat way of solving that, I guess..

. . . . . .

[SWv2]

Around 9.30 last night we hear a loud bang from our communal area. We go take a look and a fella in high vis is standing at our front door. We ask him what he wants and he starts blustering about a friend at number 6.

We ask him why he smacked the door so hard and he starts getting visibly agitated. We ask him to close the door and he doesn’t. Suddenly another fella wearing a crash helmet emerges from the BASEMENT in our communal area carrying one of them huge transit boxes with “guarded” written on the side and starts to walk out the front door.

At this point we realise something seriously ****ing weird is going on. We ask who the **** they are and the basement fella says “police”. Outside we notice a moped and TWO getaway cars, which quickly speed off with them all inside.

Anyway, police come round and as we’re recounting the incident they get a call through on their walkie talkies about a missing transit box full of money in the area, and helicopters flying overhead!

Basically, it seems these guys had cased our joint and identified our flats as a place to stash their booty. Not entirely sure why they wouldn’t have chosen a secluded garage or something, rather than private flats full of residents...

Mesut is gonna wanna leave when he hears about this

Perhaps the assailants identified you as the type to take good care of their money.

[Sir C]

Perhaps the assailants identified you as the type to take good care of their money.

This is some outrageously cold racist shít right here.

[SWv2]

This is some outrageously cold racist shít right here.

Young, edgy, professional, sculpted.

I don't know what you mean.

[Sir C]

Young, edgy, professional, sculpted.

I don't know what you mean.

He's jewish. They're famously mean (and they control the banks and the media), but we don't mention any of that in polite society.

[Burney]

Young, edgy, professional, sculpted.

I don't know what you mean.

It's lucky m doesn't have any distinguishing features that would make him easily recognisab... oh.

[Monty92]

There’s a fake camera above the front door which they took down and dumped by the bins

Does your building have CCTV?

[Burney]

There’s a fake camera above the front door which they took down and dumped by the bins

So that would leave you two as the sole witnesses, then?

Nothing to worry about, I'm sure.

[Monty92]

They can do anything they like to my anus.

If they touch my daughter, however...

They're properly fvcked imo. It's little Anus I really feel sorry for.

[Burney]

They can do anything they like to my anus.

That'll look nice on your gravestone.