But imagine how you'll feel? At your wife's lunch, a bottle or so of something to the good, picking over the bill with your glasses perched on the end of your nose like some sort of bean-counting cùnt?
Really? You might as well then drive to Beachy Head and do the decent thing imo.
A quick "Here's £x as I have ordered the most expensive food" or "let me get a round of drinks as I...." etc