There are three urinals in the gents next to my office. I followed a chap in there

[Sir C]

To be fair c I think it is only yours he's obsessed by. I recall him waxing lyrical one time about the the diluvian manliness of your píss stream and describing, in somewhat lurid detail, the smoothness of your glans*

*might have made that bit up

My glans is a shrivelled, scarred, pockmarked old thing now, h, not fit for anything save pissing through.