So how will you treat your valentine tonight?

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

What passes between me and Mrs C is known only to us and to the stars. Our love is a sanctification of all existence, not a matter for your titillation.

She'll be shagging Berni the

[Burney]

Mrs WES will not get a card or flowers.

Mrs WES will get a best end of lamb with roasting juices, sautéed potatoes, asparagus, Laurent Perrier rose champagne, Charbonnet and Walker truffles and my massive cock.

Lucky Mrs WES.

She got flowers and a card and she should be grateful I've even gone that far, tbh. Tonight I will cook steak, we will doubtless watch an episode of Quarry and then get a decent night's kip.

Load of old shîte.

[Alberto Balsam Rodriguez]

Mrs WES will not get a card or flowers.

Mrs WES will get a best end of lamb with roasting juices, sautéed potatoes, asparagus, Laurent Perrier rose champagne, Charbonnet and Walker truffles and my massive cock.

Lucky Mrs WES.

Same as any other night.

I do not see why one has to pull out the stops one day a year to make up for being a **** the other 364 days