It's 33C and sunny here in the UAE, and life is good

[World's End Stella]

My mohito is quite exceptional, the Cowboys are 5-1, Arsenal are 2nd on goal difference only and the Guildford Gondoliers are top of the league.

Next up, lunch.

[Burney]

My mohito is quite exceptional, the Cowboys are 5-1, Arsenal are 2nd on goal difference only and the Guildford Gondoliers are top of the league.

Next up, lunch.

It's 'mojito'.

[Sir C]

My mohito is quite exceptional, the Cowboys are 5-1, Arsenal are 2nd on goal difference only and the Guildford Gondoliers are top of the league.

Next up, lunch.

Enjoying the local culture, stunning architecture and slave labour?

[World's End Stella]

Enjoying the local culture, stunning architecture and slave labour?

No, no and no. I'm eating great food, drinking great drink and doing sod all other than enjoying the sun and the heat.

All of which has more than made up for 7 hours in economy on the way here, Charles. It was unpleasant

[Sir C]

No, no and no. I'm eating great food, drinking great drink and doing sod all other than enjoying the sun and the heat.

All of which has more than made up for 7 hours in economy on the way here, Charles. It was unpleasant

On a flight to Sri Lanka last year I noticed a couple whose children and nanny were despatched to sit down the back. This made sense to me.

[Burney]

No, no and no. I'm eating great food, drinking great drink and doing sod all other than enjoying the sun and the heat.

All of which has more than made up for 7 hours in economy on the way here, Charles. It was unpleasant

I'm genuinely curious: what does one actually find to do in such a place? You can't spend the whole day eating and drinking and lounging around by the pool, surely? What is there to go and see and experience? Are there any landmarks, sites of cultural or historical interest? Is there local cuisine to be had, things to be seen or experience?

[World's End Stella]

I'm genuinely curious: what does one actually find to do in such a place? You can't spend the whole day eating and drinking and lounging around by the pool, surely? What is there to go and see and experience? Are there any landmarks, sites of cultural or historical interest? Is there local cuisine to be had, things to be seen or experience?

No, there is none of that, but you seem to miss the point, Burney. Holidays of this sort are about doing nothing and doing it very well. I did my activity holiday in Canada in August. This is about relaxation and luxury, and there's loads of it about.

[World's End Stella]

No, there is none of that, but you seem to miss the point, Burney. Holidays of this sort are about doing nothing and doing it very well. I did my activity holiday in Canada in August. This is about relaxation and luxury, and there's loads of it about.

Oh, and there's the playing with your children bit as well. Speaking of which, I wonder where the f*ck they are?

[Burney]

No, there is none of that, but you seem to miss the point, Burney. Holidays of this sort are about doing nothing and doing it very well. I did my activity holiday in Canada in August. This is about relaxation and luxury, and there's loads of it about.

Oh. So, it's basically an upscale Marbella, then?

I have no interest in sedentary holidays myself. Half a day of doing nothing is about all I can manage before I'm climbing the f@cking walls. I see no point in travelling thousands of miles and spending thousands of pounds and not coming back with a better understanding of the place I've travelled to.

[redgunamo]

I'm genuinely curious: what does one actually find to do in such a place? You can't spend the whole day eating and drinking and lounging around by the pool, surely? What is there to go and see and experience? Are there any landmarks, sites of cultural or historical interest? Is there local cuisine to be had, things to be seen or experience?

Shopping, innit. It's a religion there.

He has the right idea, it seems; a man simply casts his wife, and any teenage daughters he is unfortunate enough to have been cursed with, loose into the streets and then orders another drink while muttering a quiet prayer for forgiveness to mighty Mammon, not forgetting to include humble tribute to American Express.