Time for some home truths

[Peter]

I think our forwards look very nice, especially with those gold medal-things around their necks

Does Nwaneri get a medal? He was part of the squad, played a few times.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Largely agreed. The football HAS to improve now. We spend the sort of sums needed to find quality players and if we cant find them then I'd take serious issue with those responsible for doing so.

We got over the line in the Premier League. Now we need to play like champions- dominate games, find different ways to create, put the rubbish sides to bed every week.

And for the big games, we need to develop a defensive approach that doesnt completely obliterate our own threat on the break. The way we played at City is closer to the template we need, even though we lost that game.

And I'm sure MA would say that time after Dubai we played the best attacking football I'd pretty much ever seen from us. Yet we won sweet FA.

Last season, we won the title.

Which do you want?

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Viktor Gronkey the Multi-headed Donkey absolutely blew dog. Became a walking guarantee of losing possession. That vision of the 7 headed, 7 pairs of legs creature the Indian Gods visited upon me was their joke. ( Ganps did warn me how mischievous they can be). The were effectively saying "Herbert! It doesn't matter how many pairs of eyes or feet you give that fellow, he'll still be f uckin' useless."

Yet Vik was the only won who worked himself half a yard of space on the edge of the box and got a shot on target. Great last ditch block stopped what could have been a great, final-winning goal.

[Peter]

And I'm sure MA would say that time after Dubai we played the best attacking football I'd pretty much ever seen from us. Yet we won sweet FA.

Last season, we won the title.

Which do you want?

I want both. And more importantly, I think one makes the other more likely.

We didnt win the title that year but we scored more goals, won more games and scored more points. We were just beaten by a far better city side than the one we have just pipped to the title.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Well I?m not letting anyone stop me from enjoying the league, Peter, trust me. And even the media is mostly fair, The Times particularly so.

Ode we have to disagree on. We have seen him play well, of course, but not consistently enough and at the highest level that I have your degree of confidence in him. And misplaying simple balls that cost good chances has nothing to do with tactics, and he does it too often for me.

Anyway, it?s tradition, the finest French cheeses and a bottle of NSG for me today, Peter, including a toast to the Premier League champions!

What is NSG? Oh, and finest French cheese? If you like goat, that must include Sainte-Maure de Touraine.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

I want both. And more importantly, I think one makes the other more likely.

We didnt win the title that year but we scored more goals, won more games and scored more points. We were just beaten by a far better city side than the one we have just pipped to the title.

So do I, but it doesn't always work like that.

Remember the end of the '92 season. Merse and Limpar switched flanks. Pwoppa sexy ball. 7-1 vs Sheff, 5-0 vs Villa. Won **** all.

All those AW teams with the gorgeous triangles. RvP scoring 30 a season, Cecs, Nasri, TR7, AA23 etc. Won **** all.

Yes, I want to keep this defence and bolt on a forward line of peak years Bergy, Titi, IWWW, RvP, Auba, Ted Drake and Boy Bastin.

But it doesn't happen much.

You might have noticed there wasn't a better striker available. 3 big clubs all choosing between Vik, Sesko and Etitike.

Noni's been great as a second choice RW. No team with a B level player will sell him.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

I'm a huge admirer of Arteta. I love his intelligence, the way he represents the club, how he rebuilt the squad with no regard for big egos and prioritised getting the support back on board.

His style of football sucks balls. Whether that is down to him or simply a reflection of the way tactics have evolved, I'm unsure; but I generally don't enjoy watching us play and I hope that changes next season.

But the greater point is one of individual quality. We have a Seaman in Raya. We have a Campbell in Gabriel (not to mention a Beckenbauer in Saliba!) We have a Vieira in Rice. But we have no Bergkamp, no Henry and no Pires to light things up.

B at his best is like Bobby at his best. Fact.

[Peter]

So do I, but it doesn't always work like that.

Remember the end of the '92 season. Merse and Limpar switched flanks. Pwoppa sexy ball. 7-1 vs Sheff, 5-0 vs Villa. Won **** all.

All those AW teams with the gorgeous triangles. RvP scoring 30 a season, Cecs, Nasri, TR7, AA23 etc. Won **** all.

Yes, I want to keep this defence and bolt on a forward line of peak years Bergy, Titi, IWWW, RvP, Auba, Ted Drake and Boy Bastin.

But it doesn't happen much.

You might have noticed there wasn't a better striker available. 3 big clubs all choosing between Vik, Sesko and Etitike.

Noni's been great as a second choice RW. No team with a B level player will sell him.

As discussed before. The wonderful football post Dubai was played out with guys who are all still here, Partey aside.

The football we played this season was a choice, not a necessity. Although Arteta will tell you it was a choice borne out of necessity.

Suitable for some situations but not for others. Doing it every week, in every game, is a mistake. And no question it cost us points.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

He?s right though. I?m not sure anyone will ever fill the shoe?s of our genius, Dutch master but we must do better in the way we string passes together from midfield to the front.
We have a Rolls Royce engine purring away inside a Subaru as it were. Effective but with few admiring glances. We need panache and flair, a Cazorla type to pull the strings and an Etikite style CF. There?s also a lot of media talk of Roger?s but I?ve not really seen enough of him.

I know nothing about cars, 7s, but surely a RR engine makes a 2 ton car go at 180mph. So if you put that engine in a one ton Subaru, that really would go like **** of a shovel, no?

That would win every race from the lights. May look like ****, but it would beat everyone else, no?

{As I say, I don't drive and don't get cars.}

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

As discussed before. The wonderful football post Dubai was played out with guys who are all still here, Partey aside.

The football we played this season was a choice, not a necessity. Although Arteta will tell you it was a choice borne out of necessity.

Suitable for some situations but not for others. Doing it every week, in every game, is a mistake. And no question it cost us points.

It won us the title.

Look, I don't want to side track this thread with a discussion about the relative merits of counter-factual history {we can do that in private} but imagine if I told you that had we played peter-ball not MA-ball last season, 80% of our 1-0 wins would have become 3/4-0 and the other 20% would have been 1-1, would you take it?

More goals, more sexiness, fewer points, one fewer trophy.

Your call.

I admit I know **** all about football. But suddenly everyone's an expert. It's like all those armchair general ****wits who say that Haig is a butcher and they could have won the western front better than him. No you ****ing couldn't, you morons. You know nothing about what was going on. Blackadder IV was a comedy, not a documentary.

I'll leave the football bit to MA. I'll stick to shouting "Skin 'im, B" and "Kick 'im, Gabby" at the screen.