Prison FC will end up with more transfers than us
Is it me or have footballers outing themselves as utter despicable c*nts increased tenfold last couple of years.
Must be the vaccine.
No, they're not. Puddle Paws strokes me with his tail when I stroke him, now. That's not selfish whatsoever. Nor is it when he gets me to follow him into the bedroom and meeows to tell me to get on the bed and lie on my back so he can jump onto me and give me a puddling.
But now when I start stroking him, he slaps his tail twice so I have to put my face near his tail so he can stroke me with it.
And it's not his fault the mice and birds get scared when he's just trying to play with them. If they just joined in instead of playing dead, he wouldn't have to throw them up into the air to see if they'll wake up.
Cats are civilised. Puddle Paws is an incarnation of the Cat Goddess Bastet, Daughter of the Sun God Ra. She chose us for him. He'd been living with the neighbours since he was born, apparently 8 years ago. But She intervened so we found this bargain house with a neighbouring garden and Puddle Paws moved in so he could be worshipped by us as The Goddess desires.
I think we may have to build Her a giant pyramid in the park over the road.
We'll cut off the top and put Puddles up there. We'll put a bowl of raw steak in front of him and as soon as he starts to munch, we'll all chant "The Goddess has accepted our offering. Verily we are blessèd." And then we'll all drink, take drugs and dance in Her honour.
How selfless is that?
And unlike dogs, they don't work for the Police and the like.