Imagine you had the biggest, fluffiest cat in the world.

[Sir C]

Imagine that cat suffered un crise d'estomac which resulted in the poor creature's rear end being almost entirely soaked in liquid shÃ*te, with many interesting soft lumps also embedded in the fur.

Now picture such a creature going about his morning duties, hopping from kitchen worktop to kitchen table, from floor to sofa, chair, windowsill and so forth.

The sight that greeted me when I entered my house at lunchtime was indescribable.

Have you ever tried washing a shÃ*t-soaked cat in a bucket? :shudder:

I wish I were dead.

[Burney]

Imagine that cat suffered un crise d'estomac which resulted in the poor creature's rear end being almost entirely soaked in liquid shÃ*te, with many interesting soft lumps also embedded in the fur.

Now picture such a creature going about his morning duties, hopping from kitchen worktop to kitchen table, from floor to sofa, chair, windowsill and so forth.

The sight that greeted me when I entered my house at lunchtime was indescribable.

Have you ever tried washing a shÃ*t-soaked cat in a bucket? :shudder:

I wish I were dead.

is the poor wee chap OK?

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Can you wrap it in a towel to avoid getting your face scratched to death whilst bathing its botty ?

[Just Trent]

Imagine that cat suffered un crise d'estomac which resulted in the poor creature's rear end being almost entirely soaked in liquid shÃ*te, with many interesting soft lumps also embedded in the fur.

Now picture such a creature going about his morning duties, hopping from kitchen worktop to kitchen table, from floor to sofa, chair, windowsill and so forth.

The sight that greeted me when I entered my house at lunchtime was indescribable.

Have you ever tried washing a shÃ*t-soaked cat in a bucket? :shudder:

I wish I were dead.

Mine did that to me a couple of times. The worst part is trying to catch the thing, once it works out that a wash is coming. I did find the garden hose quite useful for the rinse stage.

[Pokster]

Mine did that to me a couple of times. The worst part is trying to catch the thing, once it works out that a wash is coming. I did find the garden hose quite useful for the rinse stage.

In my first flat my cat jumped into the paint tray and then ran along the back of the sofa

[Sir C]

is the poor wee chap OK?

He's awfully upset about being washed. I've had to throw my clothes away, so ingrained with shÃ*t and blood were they. (My blood, naturally.)

[Sir C]

Mine did that to me a couple of times. The worst part is trying to catch the thing, once it works out that a wash is coming. I did find the garden hose quite useful for the rinse stage.

My fear is that I didn't remove all of it and I'm going to have to go through the whole process again later.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

is the poor wee chap OK?

Sir C comes on bemoaning his cat for squirting faeces everywhere just doesn't ring true.

I very much doubt the "poor wee chap" is OK because the fur covered little snake has probably been slung into the wood-chipper by an enraged Sir C and quite right too.

And furthermore, a fireman friend of mine tells me an estimated forty pet cats died in the Grenfell fire and I haven't heard you, or the other great cat lover, evince a shred of sympathy. Cat lovers my fat white cat hating arse .

[Viva Prat Vegas]

You might as well throw the kitchen away as well

[Sir C]

You might as well throw the kitchen away as well

There were actual lumps (soft lumps) all over the worktop.

My immune system is going to be working overtime.