I'll tell you what's ****, ****ing relatives sending

[World's End Stella]

As I said, he'll either drink them in moderation, or sell them. Jews don't do hedonism.

Or - more likely - he'll find that you haven't stored them properly and they all taste like acid by the time he tastes them.

I raise this because I know someone (also of Jewish persuasion) who bought their newborn son a case of champagne with the vintage of his birth year and did precisely that.

[Monty92]

I read somewhere that it's customary to do it with a piece of flint.

Whatever works, imo. Whatever works.

I found my son trying to penetrate my daughter in the bath with a toothbrush the other day

[Sir C]

Whatever works, imo. Whatever works.

I found my son trying to penetrate my daughter in the bath with a toothbrush the other day

That's the problem with having children. From conception, through the pregnancy, the birth, the breastfeeding, the whatever comes next, it's all so vulgarly physiological.

I find it perfectly repulsive.

[Burney]

Because he knows the animals that talk in animated movies are not real and that when he dresses up as a pirate he's not really a pirate. It's playing with reality, not lying about it.

I think you'll find that kids' have a rather more fluid concept of reality than you imagine. Most of the time, they are almost alarmingly materialistic. When they're not, it's usually because they choose not to be.

My daughter 'believed' in Santa Claus to the extent that she got a stocking full of gewgaws once a year. She obviously ceased to believe in him at some point because she's not a retard, but continued with the pretence because she a/ realised it pleased her parents as much as it did her and b/ because she was worried that if she admitted she didn't believe in him, she wouldn't still get the stocking.

Essentially, what you seem to be scared of is that your child will be too thick to work shït out for himself. That's pointless because he almost certainly isn't and, if he is, telling him Santa isn't real won't save him.

[Billy Goat Sverige]

But b, you must introduce some typically English elements into your christmas for the sake of the child, otherwise he will grow up without any connection to his English heritage.

You can rustle up a roast dinner, can't you?

I introduced christmas crackers last year. I tried to make some stuffing the year before but it didn't go very well. I couldn't get a hold of any english sausages and tried using some swedish ones. It was like a big ball of greasy muck

[Sir C]

I introduced christmas crackers last year. I tried to make some stuffing the year before but it didn't go very well. I couldn't get hold off any english sausages and tried using some swedish ones. It was like a big ball of greasy muck

Christmas pudding? It's rank, but it's English!

[Burney]

Whatever works, imo. Whatever works.

I found my son trying to penetrate my daughter in the bath with a toothbrush the other day

All perfectly normal. I knew a chap who wedged an Action Man's head up his brother's arse in the bath

Myself, I just contented myself with showing my penîs to any of my sisters' friends who came to the house.

[Burney]

It's all retarded, B. They do it on the 24th, presents opened in the afternoon, no bird or spuds. I hate it

I've heard they eat fish for Christmas dinner. Can that be true?

[Sir C]

All perfectly normal. I knew a chap who wedged an Action Man's head up his brother's arse in the bath

Myself, I just contented myself with showing my penîs to any of my sisters' friends who came to the house.

Rubik's cube? Business acumen? Collection of toad livers?

[Burney]

Christmas pudding? It's rank, but it's English!

It is perfectly foul. As you know, I find the whole dried fruit and suet thing that's associated with Christmas utterly baffling.