I'll tell you what's ****, ****ing relatives sending

[Monty92]

Open him a secret savings account. Continue to pay all gift monies, tooth-fairy moneys, all that shÃ*te into it until he is 18, when you can proudly present him with enough cash to get 3 Ukrainian hookers and 5 grams of charlie with which to correctly celebrate his birthday.

Every birthday we buy Louis a bottle of vintage Louis Roederer, with the intention of presenting him with all of them when he's 18. Though with his effete Jewish heritage he'll probably sell them.

[Sir C]

That's stupid. Any but actually retarded kids are bound to realise it's just their dad in a suit, which sort of defeats the object of pretending Santa exists, surely?

My Pa used to do that for young J and his sister, and they didn't suss him out until they were quite old, I think. Certainly in their twenties.

[Sir C]

Every birthday we buy Louis a bottle of vintage Louis Roederer, with the intention of presenting him with all of them when he's 18. Though with his effete Jewish heritage he'll probably sell them.

And what does Anus get?

[redgunamo]

I've been told we're introducing my eldest (2.5 years) to the concept of Santa this year.

My rule is that as soon as he goes to school and starts learning about religion, he gets told that Santa doesn't exist.

He'll already know by then. Won't stop him wanting Christmas presents though.

[Burney]

Every birthday we buy Louis a bottle of vintage Louis Roederer, with the intention of presenting him with all of them when he's 18. Though with his effete Jewish heritage he'll probably sell them.

You're going to give 18 bottles of vintage fizz to an 18 year-old?

That's some high-quality vomit you'll be wiping off the lavatory walls.

[Burney]

My Pa used to do that for young J and his sister, and they didn't suss him out until they were quite old, I think. Certainly in their twenties.

As he was Dutch, I assume he was accompanied by a black man?

[redgunamo]

That's stupid. Any but actually retarded kids are bound to realise it's just their dad in a suit, which sort of defeats the object of pretending Santa exists, surely?

Right. All the gifts ought to be assembled under the tree. Dad gets to drink Santa's whisky, eat His mince pies and smoke His cigar as proof He had been there.

[Monty92]

I don't think that's necessary. Why can't a kid have a little bit of make-believe in their life? He'll have 70+ years to deal with the grinding, crushing hopelessness and futility of life, so let him have a few years where he believes in a benign universe, ffs!

I think it will be worth it to head off any risk of credulousness at the pass.

He won’t be short of make-believe, which I agree is healthy and desirable. There’ll be talking animals in animated movies, role-play , fancy dress, etc etc etc

[Sir C]

As he was Dutch, I assume he was accompanied by a black man?

Yes I should have blacked up really, shouldn't I? No one could have objected because, it's like, my cultural heritage and that.

Opportunity missed.

[Burney]

I think it will be worth it to head off any risk of credulousness at the pass.

He won’t be short of make-believe, which I agree is healthy and desirable. There’ll be talking animals in animated movies, role-play , fancy dress, etc etc etc

And those things are better than believing in Santa why exactly?