By Christ it's dull.
They all die.
Where desperate, musty-smelling old men drinking tepid dishwater in an attempt to drown out the awful knowledge of the diabolical fruitlessness of their half-lived lives.
I don't do pubs. I don't do anywhere without valet parking.
No thank you. No thank you indeed.
As you were.
There's also a very funny story about a chap who had the wheeze of voiding his privy into his cellar, only for the floorboards to rot and for him to drown in his own feculence.
Is it April 1st? Because they're pulling out all the stops today.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/may/14/first-d ate-tory-shared-politics-relationship-okcomrade