A pretty compelling argument here.

[Burney]

I think the Jewishers have a perfectly normal tolerance/inclination for sexytime. My mum has certainly dropped hints that she didn't go short of dick during her stint in the Holy Land.

My da is doing terribly, unfortunately. As suspected, he was a man only able to function with the clutch of a routine. He's an empty shell after just 3 weeks - it's been quite staggering to watch. He called me this morning to ask what he should wear today. Three weeks ago he was still working fulltime!

Quite frankly, nothing in life would make me happier than if he died peacefully in his sleep.

I'm sorry to hear that. Can you not set him to work in the garden or something?

[Sir C]

I think the Jewishers have a perfectly normal tolerance/inclination for sexytime. My mum has certainly dropped hints that she didn't go short of dick during her stint in the Holy Land.

My da is doing terribly, unfortunately. As suspected, he was a man only able to function with the clutch of a routine. He's an empty shell after just 3 weeks - it's been quite staggering to watch. He called me this morning to ask what he should wear today. Three weeks ago he was still working fulltime!

Quite frankly, nothing in life would make me happier than if he died peacefully in his sleep.

My experience of JPs is that they’re extremely keen on the dirty business, actually.

[Monty92]

I'm sorry to hear that. Can you not set him to work in the garden or something?

Sadly not.

It's impossible to explain what he's like to someone who doesn't know him. He's never been clinically assessed, but I certainly suspect he has an extremely low IQ and is essentially a cognitive vegetable. The idea of him turning his hand to anything beyond basic functions (and even those he is now struggling with) is simply inconceivable.

Sadly he's still in good health and this situation is very unlikely to finish him off, meaning I'm lumbered with him for the foreseeable.

F*ck. My. Life.

[Burney]

Sadly not.

It's impossible to explain what he's like to someone who doesn't know him. He's never been clinically assessed, but I certainly suspect he has an extremely low IQ and is essentially a cognitive vegetable. The idea of him turning his hand to anything beyond basic functions (and even those he is now struggling with) is simply inconceivable.

Sadly he's still in good health and this situation is very unlikely to finish him off, meaning I'm lumbered with him for the foreseeable.

F*ck. My. Life.

Is this as a result of some medical event? He hasn't always been like this, surely?

[Sir C]

Sadly not.

It's impossible to explain what he's like to someone who doesn't know him. He's never been clinically assessed, but I certainly suspect he has an extremely low IQ and is essentially a cognitive vegetable. The idea of him turning his hand to anything beyond basic functions (and even those he is now struggling with) is simply inconceivable.

Sadly he's still in good health and this situation is very unlikely to finish him off, meaning I'm lumbered with him for the foreseeable.

F*ck. My. Life.

Can you not, y’know. Off him?

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Sadly not.

It's impossible to explain what he's like to someone who doesn't know him. He's never been clinically assessed, but I certainly suspect he has an extremely low IQ and is essentially a cognitive vegetable. The idea of him turning his hand to anything beyond basic functions (and even those he is now struggling with) is simply inconceivable.

Sadly he's still in good health and this situation is very unlikely to finish him off, meaning I'm lumbered with him for the foreseeable.

F*ck. My. Life.

This is the same man that you went to Highbury with every week when I first encountered you on AWIMB. You never made any reference to his condition back then. What happened?

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Can you not, y’know. Off him?

You don't need to actually say it c, we all know what Monty's about here. He can't move until he knows a) where the will is and b) is he [Monty] the main beneficiary.

[Burney]

Can you not, y’know. Off him?

There couldn't be a better time for a spot of freelance euthanasia, tbf. No-one's going to be looking too closely at a dead OAP in the current circumstances, are they?

[Monty92]

Is this as a result of some medical event? He hasn't always been like this, surely?

Not that I've ever been told of. My mum tells me he went through quite a traumatic early divorce when he was 18 (before he met my mum) and then had a hard time when he later split from my mum. But no, nothing other than that.

It's a very strange case. I've met some very stupid people, but no-one quite like me da, the hapless f*cker.

[Burney]

Not that I've ever been told of. My mum tells me he went through quite a traumatic early divorce when he was 18 (before he met my mum) and then had a hard time when he later split from my mum. But no, nothing other than that.

It's a very strange case. I've met some very stupid people, but no-one quite like me da, the hapless f*cker.

From what you say, he almost sounds autistic - or at least there or thereabouts.

But you're not a mong and - I presume - neither is your sister (although I do remember something about her voting for Corbyn in 2017), so he can't be a congenital idiot, surely?