A pretty compelling argument here.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

There couldn't be a better time for a spot of freelance euthanasia, tbf. No-one's going to be looking too closely at a dead OAP in the current circumstances, are they?

Funny you say that b, I have an acquaintance who is a DCI in the Met. He tells me they are acutely aware of and have been detailed to focus on the sharp increase that they know there will be in opportunistic murder. They have a team closely scrutinizing every home death.

[Burney]

Funny you say that b, I have an acquaintance who is a DCI in the Met. He tells me they are acutely aware of and have been detailed to focus on the sharp increase that they know there will be in opportunistic murder. They have a team closely scrutinizing every home death.

Spoilsports

[Monty92]

From what you say, he almost sounds autistic - or at least there or thereabouts.

But you're not a mong and - I presume - neither is your sister (although I do remember something about her voting for Corbyn in 2017), so he can't be a congenital idiot, surely?

Oh yes, I would certainly say he's autistic. Some obsessive behavioural traits in the mix, too.

Old Maureen has got a somewhat sharper brain, but it's true to say that me and my sis provide compelling evidence that you can escape your genetic fate, whatever that curly haired c*nt Steven Pinker says.

[Burney]

Oh yes, I would certainly say he's autistic. Some obsessive behavioural traits in the mix, too.

Old Maureen has got a somewhat sharper brain, but it's true to say that me and my sis provide compelling evidence that you can escape your genetic fate, whatever that curly haired c*nt Steven Pinker says.

Fascinating. Without wishing to be indelicate, are you absolutely certain you're...y'know...his?

[barrybueno]

Not that I've ever been told of. My mum tells me he went through quite a traumatic early divorce when he was 18 (before he met my mum) and then had a hard time when he later split from my mum. But no, nothing other than that.

It's a very strange case. I've met some very stupid people, but no-one quite like me da, the hapless f*cker.

Divorced at 18? Jesus fúckíng wept (or whatever you lot say)

[Luis Anaconda]

Divorced at 18? Jesus fúckíng wept (or whatever you lot say)

TBF his lot did actually make Jesus weep, so you can say that

[Burney]

TBF his lot did actually make Jesus weep, so you can say that

I've just realised that this will probably see Anderson's test career end without a send-off.

[Pokster]

Sadly not.

It's impossible to explain what he's like to someone who doesn't know him. He's never been clinically assessed, but I certainly suspect he has an extremely low IQ and is essentially a cognitive vegetable. The idea of him turning his hand to anything beyond basic functions (and even those he is now struggling with) is simply inconceivable.

Sadly he's still in good health and this situation is very unlikely to finish him off, meaning I'm lumbered with him for the foreseeable.

F*ck. My. Life.

He's your dad, stop being a moaning **** and look after him for as long as it takes

[barrybueno]

There couldn't be a better time for a spot of freelance euthanasia, tbf. No-one's going to be looking too closely at a dead OAP in the current circumstances, are they?

When they test him and are devastated to find no trace of Corona... Well you don't need to be Columbo to realise that Monty did it.

[Burney]

When they test him and are devastated to find no trace of Corona... Well you don't need to be Columbo to realise that Monty did it.

You don't need to go to those lengths. Just push him down some stairs or whatever.