Me ma's friend Melba. She's about 80, Colombian, and bat-sh*t mental. When I was home alone as a kid she called our house in a right mess and was screaming that she doesn't want to live anymore. I went round to her house and when she let me in there were knives and pills all over the gaff. I called the ambulance and my overriding memory is that as they carried her out of the house she let off a ginormous fart.