I remember seeing a thing about an American chap somewhere in the mid-west who insisted he was 'in a relationship' with his Shetland pony. For some reason, where he lived bestiality wasn't actually illegal and he was distressingly open about their 'intimacy'.
I'm afraid this has made me unreasonably suspicious of chaps who go around owning Shetland ponies. Not that I'm suggesting that about you, of course.