I know fück all about football. I really don't.

1. Just as I called Luiz a shaggy haired, Chelski-reject donkey, he played a pass DB10 would have been happy with to put Auba clean through.

2. 2 mins later, we were knocking the ball around in our 6 yard box as City pressed. I said just hoof it up the field, cos otherwise we'll give a goal away. But we drew them in, played it out from the back and had a great team ball with almost everyone involved.

3. I said Pépé was useless and a waste of 70mil, but he had a hand in both goals.

4. Even though Mustafi did one of his fückups after 9 mins, he didn't mess up that badly again. And Luiz actually defended well, as opposed to giving away a goal, a penalty and getting a red card.

Didn't see that coming.