Talking of chicks, I read a book by one and it was alright. :nod:

Who knew that was a thing?

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Originally Posted by Sir C

Who knew that was a thing?

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I can't bear reading books by chicks. They always get men wrong.

I suppose this is probably what women feel about male writers, but y'know, who cares?

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Originally Posted by Burney

I can't bear reading books by chicks. They always get men wrong.

I suppose this is probably what women feel about male writers, but y'know, who cares?

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Yes, but, as I say, (perhaps you weren't listening?) this one was alright. I'd go so far as to say it was quite good. So there you are, all previously held convictions regarding womenwriters may now be revisited.

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Originally Posted by Sir C

Yes, but, as I say, (perhaps you weren't listening?) this one was alright. I'd go so far as to say it was quite good. So there you are, all previously held convictions regarding womenwriters may now be revisited.

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Look, you getting the horn from reading a Jilly Cooper novel doesn't make it actually good or incline me to suppose that lady scribblers are of any use. Sir, a woman writing is very much like a dog walking on its hind legs. The thing is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all*.


*With apologies to Dr Johnson, who in fact said this about women preaching.

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Originally Posted by Burney

Look, you getting the horn from reading a Jilly Cooper novel doesn't make it actually good or incline me to suppose that lady scribblers are of any use. Sir, a woman writing is very much like a dog walking on its hind legs. The thing is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all*.


*With apologies to Dr Johnson, who in fact said this about women preaching.

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Oh, you don't trust my judgement now? I can assure you, old chap, that if I told you that a Jilly Cooper novel would give you the horn, you may rest assured that a mere page would have your wizened prawn standing on end in some sort of twisted evocation of what the rest of the world might call an 'erection'.

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Originally Posted by Sir C

Oh, you don't trust my judgement now? I can assure you, old chap, that if I told you that a Jilly Cooper novel would give you the horn, you may rest assured that a mere page would have your wizened prawn standing on end in some sort of twisted evocation of what the rest of the world might call an 'erection'.

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Go on then. Who is this so-called good so-called chick so-called writer? Hmmm?

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Originally Posted by Burney

Go on then. Who is this so-called good so-called chick so-called writer? Hmmm?

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It's this one. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coffin-Path...he+coffin+path It's got ghosties and everything! Woooooooooooo!

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Originally Posted by Sir C

It's this one. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coffin-Path...he+coffin+path It's got ghosties and everything! Woooooooooooo!

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Oooh, it's on Audible. I've nabbed it. For lack of choice, I've been reduced to listening to Bernard Cornwell books lately. They're really not terribly good. And very samey. And all the women either get raped or narrowly escape rape. He's deffo got a thing about rape. Dirty man.

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Originally Posted by Burney

Oooh, it's on Audible. I've nabbed it. For lack of choice, I've been reduced to listening to Bernard Cornwell books lately. They're really not terribly good. And very samey. And all the women either get raped or narrowly escape rape. He's deffo got a thing about rape. Dirty man.

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There's anothe good audible choice for you, it's a trilogy but only two of them available on audiobook so far, my bird introduced me to them, they're about a lad and horses and that, what's it called now, The Horseman. Tim Pears. That's the first one. Checkitout.

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Originally Posted by Burney

Oooh, it's on Audible. I've nabbed it. For lack of choice, I've been reduced to listening to Bernard Cornwell books lately. They're really not terribly good. And very samey. And all the women either get raped or narrowly escape rape. He's deffo got a thing about rape. Dirty man.

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But also, when is that lazy fat cow going to finish her fúcking book? Fúck's sake.

Mantel, I mean. The first two were excellent on audiobook and lasted for hours. Days.

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Originally Posted by Sir C

There's anothe good audible choice for you, it's a trilogy but only two of them available on audiobook so far, my bird introduced me to them, they're about a lad and horses and that, what's it called now, The Horseman. Tim Pears. That's the first one. Checkitout.

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:-\ Is there any war in it?

I don't usually like fiction where people don't get shot or stabbed anymore.

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Originally Posted by Burney

:-\ Is there any war in it?

I don't usually like fiction where people don't get shot or stabbed anymore.

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Hmm. To be fair, not a great deal actually happens, per se. Things just, well, are.

The glw says if you're after recommendations, you should read The Western Wind.

How about Beevor's Arnhem?

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Originally Posted by Sir C

But also, when is that lazy fat cow going to finish her fúcking book? Fúck's sake.

Mantel, I mean. The first two were excellent on audiobook and lasted for hours. Days.

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Dunno. They did go on, didn't they? That's the trouble with Audible. When you drive a lot, you start to value the books by length more than anything else. I got The Crimson Petal And The White (about Victorian hooers and that) and it was 41 hrs 32 minutes :cloud9: Proper value, that. Wasn't too bad, either. Lots of anal.

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Originally Posted by Burney

Dunno. They did go on, didn't they? That's the trouble with Audible. When you drive a lot, you start to value the books by length more than anything else. I got The Crimson Petal And The White (about Victorian hooers and that) and it was 41 hrs 32 minutes :cloud9: Proper value, that. Wasn't too bad, either. Lots of anal.

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Also, I'm currently very much enjoying The 21 Escapres of Lt Alastair Cram. Proper order.

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Originally Posted by Sir C

Hmm. To be fair, not a great deal actually happens, per se. Things just, well, are.

The glw says if you're after recommendations, you should read The Western Wind.

How about Beevor's Arnhem?

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That sounds quite good, but it's only 10 hours.

Done Arnhem. It got a bit depressing. I prefer the books where the Germans lose.

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Originally Posted by Sir C

Also, I'm currently very much enjoying The 21 Escapres of Lt Alastair Cram. Proper order.

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The title spoils the suspense a bit for the first 20, don't you think? :-(

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Originally Posted by Sir C

Who knew that was a thing?

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If you'll only read a book by a bint if it's got a ghostie in it, then Wuthering Heights would count. It's also absolutely ****ing stunning. We listened to an adaptation on R4 last year and we loved it so much we kept playing the Kate Bush song for weeks.

I got her a Wuthering Heights umbrella for Xmas. It's orange, like the cover of the Penguin book.

Did you know the song was the first no.1 in the UK both written and performed by a bint? As a British feminist, it makes me proud that the spirit of Britannia connects them in this way.

I love C19th lit but while the Frogs and Ruskies have as good male authors as well do, none of them let the totty write. There's no French Brontë or Ruskie Austen.

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Originally Posted by Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult

If you'll only read a book by a bint if it's got a ghostie in it, then Wuthering Heights would count. It's also absolutely ****ing stunning. We listened to an adaptation on R4 last year and we loved it so much we kept playing the Kate Bush song for weeks.

I got her a Wuthering Heights umbrella for Xmas. It's orange, like the cover of the Penguin book.

Did you know the song was the first no.1 in the UK both written and performed by a bint? As a British feminist, it makes me proud that the spirit of Britannia connects them in this way.

I love C19th lit but while the Frogs and Ruskies have as good male authors as well do, none of them let the totty write. There's no French Brontë or Ruskie Austen.

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A clever narrative structure, but Heathcliff isn’t an actual, recognisable male character. He’s a 30 year-old frustrated virgin spinster’s wÃ*nk fantasy.

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Originally Posted by Burney

A clever narrative structure, but Heathcliff isn’t an actual, recognisable male character. He’s a 30 year-old frustrated virgin spinster’s wÃ*nk fantasy.

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He' a cünt. And he's a northerner. 100% believable in my book.

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Originally Posted by Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult

He' a cünt. And he's a northerner. 100% believable in my book.

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Exactly. In real life a man who was that much of a cùnt would have struggled to make it past his 20th birthday. He'd have been quietly beaten to death and dumped on t'moor. Nobody at any point explains how he went about making his fortune despite his singular lack of interpersonal skills or discernible talent. He's just a bit of a cypher and is profoundly unconvincing.

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Originally Posted by Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult

If you'll only read a book by a bint if it's got a ghostie in it, then Wuthering Heights would count. It's also absolutely ****ing stunning. We listened to an adaptation on R4 last year and we loved it so much we kept playing the Kate Bush song for weeks.

I got her a Wuthering Heights umbrella for Xmas. It's orange, like the cover of the Penguin book.

Did you know the song was the first no.1 in the UK both written and performed by a bint? As a British feminist, it makes me proud that the spirit of Britannia connects them in this way.

I love C19th lit but while the Frogs and Ruskies have as good male authors as well do, none of them let the totty write. There's no French Brontë or Ruskie Austen.

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Wuthering Heights is turgid bóllocks. I'd rather read Jilly Cooper, at least that would give berni the horn.

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Originally Posted by Sir C

Wuthering Heights is turgid bóllocks. I'd rather read Jilly Cooper, at least that would give berni the horn.

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I've never actually read a Jilly Cooper book, but I can't help but feel that I would struggle to become turgid if I did so, since the image of Jilly Cooper would keep appearing in my mind. And the thought of Jilly Cooper in the nip would make a steel girder flaccid. :-(

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Originally Posted by Burney

I've never actually read a Jilly Cooper book, but I can't help but feel that I would struggle to become turgid if I did so, since the image of Jilly Cooper would keep appearing in my mind. And the thought of Jilly Cooper in the nip would make a steel girder flaccid. :-(

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She's the one with the teeth, isn't she? Writes about racehorses? Or is that the one who always wears pink? Sister of Joan Collins? Literature is hard, b, isn't it?

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Originally Posted by Sir C

She's the one with the teeth, isn't she? Writes about racehorses? Or is that the one who always wears pink? Sister of Joan Collins? Literature is hard, b, isn't it?

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Well, yes it is. It's very difficult to keep track of who's who. All too easy to get your Balzac tangled up with your Dick. This is why those of us what have studied literature at a certain level are so highly regarded, y'see?

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Originally Posted by Burney

This is why those of us what have studied literature at a certain level are so highly regarded, y'see?

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When I watch University Challenge, I always roll my eyes when the wierdo says they are studying either a) English Literature or b) Classics. Do a proper subject FFS.

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Originally Posted by IUFG

When I watch University Challenge, I always roll my eyes when the wierdo says they are studying either a) English Literature or b) Classics. Do a proper subject FFS.

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But those are proper subjects. Indeed, Classics (along with theology) was literally all one was allowed to study at universities for hundreds of years.

It's a relatively recent development that universities have seen it as their business to study the rather grubby physical world rather than devote itself to higher matters and the improvement of the individual. As for ghastly things like engineering, this is what polytechnics were designed for.

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Originally Posted by Burney

But those are proper subjects. Indeed, Classics (along with theology) was literally all one was allowed to study at universities for hundreds of years.

It's a relatively recent development that universities have seen it as their business to study the rather grubby physical world rather than devote itself to higher matters and the improvement of the individual. As for ghastly things like engineering, this is what polytechnics were designed for.

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Indeed.

Anachronistic.

Greek and Roman gods, etc, is for your toilet reading

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Originally Posted by IUFG

Indeed.

Anachronistic.

Greek and Roman gods, etc, is for your toilet reading

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The proper study of man is man, iufg. That's why they're called humanities.

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Originally Posted by Burney

The proper study of man is man, iufg. That's why they're called humanities.

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It is what the pseudo-intellectuals who couldn't grasp mathematics did, istr ;-)

That and History.

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Originally Posted by IUFG

It is what the pseudo-intellectuals who couldn't grasp mathematics did, istr ;-)

That and History.

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Be honest, i. By 'pseudo-intellectuals', you mean 'guys with charm, good hygiene and interpersonal skills who got chicks', don't you? :-(

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Originally Posted by Burney

Be honest, i. By 'pseudo-intellectuals', you mean 'guys with charm, good hygiene and interpersonal skills who got chicks', don't you? :-(

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they only got the type of chicks I wasn't interested in.

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Originally Posted by IUFG

they only got the type of chicks I wasn't interested in.

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:hehe: Righto. ;-)

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Originally Posted by Burney

:hehe: Righto. ;-)

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Local girls was where it was at, b.

Down the seedy Chicago House music club :music:

happy daze

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Originally Posted by Burney

Be honest, i. By 'pseudo-intellectuals', you mean 'guys with charm, good hygiene and interpersonal skills who got chicks', don't you? :-(

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I must confess, the filthy strumpets upon whom my lascivious gaze used to fall were rarely interested in the finer points of the western canon. The dirty bitches.

I punished them b. By Christ's tits I punished them!

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Originally Posted by Sir C

I must confess, the filthy strumpets upon whom my lascivious gaze used to fall were rarely interested in the finer points of the western canon. The dirty bitches.

I punished them b. By Christ's tits I punished them!

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Hmmm. I worry that you may go to your maker not fully shriven for these sins. When was your last confession? After all, sine confessionis fusione non fit remissio and all that.

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Originally Posted by Burney

Hmmm. I worry that you may go to your maker not fully shriven for these sins. When was your last confession? After all, sine confessionis fusione non fit remissio and all that.

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I know this, actually. I had my confession heard the day before my father's funeral, so that I could take communion at the service. You know, for my mum's sake.

Confession won't help me now though, will it? I'm an adulterer. I've basically shot my bolt when it comes to the Lord's compassion.

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Originally Posted by Sir C

I know this, actually. I had my confession heard the day before my father's funeral, so that I could take communion at the service. You know, for my mum's sake.

Confession won't help me now though, will it? I'm an adulterer. I've basically shot my bolt when it comes to the Lord's compassion.

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Oh, no. He's very forgiving about that sort of thing generally. It's the divorce that's the real problem. But even that's not insurmountable. All you need to do is ensure that you outlive your ex-wife and then divorce your current one and remarry in a Catholic service. Bish-bosh, you can be confessed and take communion. Job's a good'un.

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Originally Posted by Burney

Exactly. In real life a man who was that much of a cùnt would have struggled to make it past his 20th birthday. He'd have been quietly beaten to death and dumped on t'moor. Nobody at any point explains how he went about making his fortune despite his singular lack of interpersonal skills or discernible talent. He's just a bit of a cypher and is profoundly unconvincing.

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Good word b. The next time I find myself at loggerheads with some irritating pseud at the dinner party table, I shall say "You are nothing more than a cypher and you are profoundly unconvincing!" and I shall watch him or her wilt.

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Originally Posted by Herbert Augustus Chapman

Good word b. The next time I find myself at loggerheads with some irritating pseud at the dinner party table, I shall say "You are nothing more than a cypher and you are profoundly unconvincing!" and I shall watch him or her wilt.

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:nod: One note of caution, though, h. If you do this in mixed company, don't forget to make sure you're wearing wellies, as the effect of this sort of thing on the ladies present will mean you will be ankle deep in fanny batter in no time.

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Originally Posted by Burney

Oh, no. He's very forgiving about that sort of thing generally. It's the divorce that's the real problem. But even that's not insurmountable. All you need to do is ensure that you outlive your ex-wife and then divorce your current one and remarry in a Catholic service. Bish-bosh, you can be confessed and take communion. Job's a good'un.

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I shall immediately adopt this plan, b. My immortal soul thanks you.