She will tell you that, now. The fact is she gave me no choice, I had to leave.
Perhaps she deliberately scratched all his Springsteen LP's
My life has been absolute hell since October. When I finally escaped it started getting better, slowly.
Problem is, she is still in my house. She cant afford to support herself so we have to sell it. I just have to wait for her to accept this. I may end up having to evict her as it is actually my house.
So where are you living at the moment?
Also, can you not wait until she goes out for work or whatever, nip in, change the locks and if she kicks up a fuss, get the police to drag her away, citing her death threats as reason for you demanding an exclusion order against her? Rip the plaster off quickly imo.
I rented a flat in chelmsford. Nice place actually. Left her with enough money to survive for at least three months while she finds an income. She hasnt worked in years, I've been supporting her. This is why she has gone potty about me leaving.
I could do what you suggest. I really dont want it to come to that even though, by any objective measure, she ****ing deserves it.
Being entirely serious now, in my experience of this sort of person (which is more extensive than I'd like due to my wife's ex being an actual, full-blown psychopath), you're best off going in hard and early. If the law is on your side, use it to its fullest extent. The longer you delay, the worse it will get.
Yes. They do that. It's called manipulation.
Honestly, I can tell you this. Every act of kindness, compassion or human decency on your part will be seized upon and exploited to this person's advantage. You are doing what you think is right because you have a moral code and want to do the right thing, etc, etc.
She doesn't care about any of that. All she sees in those actions on your part is weakness and opportunity.
I know how harsh this sounds, but I've seen all this play out. The next step will be spurious claims of criminal acts against her.
You are 100% right about all of this. I've been trying to one kind and help her out with stuff but she does exactly what you describe. Sees it as a weakness to exploit.
I have definitive proof of a crime on her part, one which would destroy her. I wont share it with anyone unless I have to. Its a last resort.
I won't bang on about it, but I really cannot emphasise enough that you need to act quickly, harshly and decisively in this. The longer it goes on, the more of a foothold she gets and the more emboldened and vicious she will get. It sounds to me like she's still in the raging stage. That can be a bit scary but it's better than the calculating, manipulative stage, believe me. Act now.
My logic is that as we bought it together and have lived their together the house is ours, rather than mine. Had we got married (I refused) it would be half hers so I think she is entitled to the same rights as though we were married- given that it was me that didnt want to get married.
I am sticking with that.
Joints tenants or tenants in common require both names to be on the deeds.
If her name isn't on the deeds and you are not married and don't have kids together, she is king-sized, fúcked on making a claim for a percentage of the house.
Your MiL, if she can demonstrate, directly, a link of cash given for a deposit on the house on her behalf, she may have a claim for that.
I'd use the offer of giving her share of the deposit back on sale of the house as an incentive to get this over quickly.
Then fúck her out of the window for ever.
Given there are no official ties, would you really be happy to allow her an undeserved half share of the house ?
Your chivalrous logic, although (if I may say so) possibly unwarranted given the behavioral patterns of the third party, does you proud
All the more reason to get it sorted ASAFP.
One word of advice, do not get into bargaining. I remember the wife's ex campaigning for ages to be allowed back into the house when we weren't there to take his old stuff (this despite the entire contents of the house having been granted to my wife). We obviously weren't having that and offered to drop off a bunch of stuff if he provided a list. In classic style, he used this perceived weakness to conduct a campaign of harassment for months. Eventually I got sick of it and just dumped his crap outside his house when it was raining. His 'priceless' collection of vintage Chelsea programmes was absolutely fvcked. :hehe:
I spent that evening talking to a policeman he'd convinced I'd committed criminal damage. It was only because we were able to produce the document proving the court had granted ownership of the house's contents to my wife that I didn't end up getting nicked.
This is the sort of sh1t they do when you try and bargain with them. They use it as an opportunity to make your life hell.
yes, agreed.
But when he looks back on the whole sorry episode in a couple of years+, he'll be crying into his light ale about what an idiot he was to give half his estate to a batshít mentalist who shared, only a relatively short, period of their lives together.
A small sum to make sure she is safe for the next 90 days is all that he really needs to do.
I wont regret it for a second, trust me. We have been together for 12 years and I would regret shafting her out of her half.
Whether she deserves it or not (she doesnt) I promised it from the start and asked her to trust me. Going back on that now is not something I could live with. It would be a spiteful act because of her behaviour. I will be spiteful in other respects but not money.
No, but the threat is the point. My wife's ex was constantly threatening to call her boss and tell him how awful she was so that he'd sack her. It was a stupid, empty threat,but it worked in so far as it kept her awake nights.
It keeps you constantly on edge and worried and unhappy. That's the aim.
Has she started phoning your relatives and crying to them about how awful you are, yet? That's another one.