Actually, dorset, this could come in handy for you.
They are right about the hydraulic sphincter implants
I love the phrase 'An intelligest sphincter' - talk about a backhanded compliment.

Did you know that smelling flatulence that has been trapped for scientific research

I can easily imagine it is. There's virtually no research for which you can't get funding.
Imagine what that job would do to your self-esteem and personal life, though. Imagine telling people in social situations what you do.