This new contagion is a pestilence of biblical proportions

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

contrived by Mother Earth to rid herself of the wicked infestation that is mankind.

We, her faithful climate change warriors, have nothing to fear for as surely as we will die too, our ascension* is guaranteed along with Sir David and Saint Greta (peace be upon her).

*someone said something about a few virgins- hope I get Greta.

[Burney]

There was a young zealot named Greta
At sucking a cock none was better
Though she would gag and cough
While noshing Herb off
Since his knob tasted like year-old Feta

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

There was a young zealot named Greta
At sucking a cock none was better
Though she would gag and cough
While noshing Herb off
Since his knob tasted like year-old Feta

AWIMB's raucous ditty writer in chief I declare this a masterpiece :clap:

[Burney]

AWIMB's raucous ditty writer in chief I declare this a masterpiece :clap:

Aw shucks. You're too kind, h. A mere bagatelle. Something tossed off in an idle moment.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

contrived by Mother Earth to rid herself of the wicked infestation that is mankind.

We, her faithful climate change warriors, have nothing to fear for as surely as we will die too, our ascension* is guaranteed along with Sir David and Saint Greta (peace be upon her).

*someone said something about a few virgins- hope I get Greta.

No, H. It's the tiger cock-munching untermenschen's karma for the invasion of the most beautiful society modern humanity has produced.

In 1951, the scum looked into the plateau and saw no crime, nor poverty, where everyone was happy and smiling all the time and the women were revered in a sexually egalitarian society, and they thought "These Tibetans are peaceful and happy and have freedom of speech and thought and just want to spread love instead of spreading hate while munching tiger cock and rhino horn so we'll invade them and engage in cultural genocide because we are egregious cünts who make the average Trump supporter look like Mahatma Gandhi."

I hope the virus mutates so it only infects Han Chinks and then all 1.3 billion of them die immediately.

[Burney]

No, H. It's the tiger cock-munching untermenschen's karma for the invasion of the most beautiful society modern humanity has produced.

In 1951, the scum looked into the plateau and saw no crime, nor poverty, where everyone was happy and smiling all the time and the women were revered in a sexually egalitarian society, and they thought "These Tibetans are peaceful and happy and have freedom of speech and thought and just want to spread love instead of spreading hate while munching tiger cock and rhino horn so we'll invade them and engage in cultural genocide because we are egregious cünts who make the average Trump supporter look like Mahatma Gandhi."

I hope the virus mutates so it only infects Han Chinks and then all 1.3 billion of them die immediately.

Don't the Tibetans all stink of rancid yak butter, though?

[PSRB]

Don't the Tibetans all stink of rancid yak butter, though?

I thought that was the Mongols?

[Burney]

I thought that was the Mongols?

Bit ableist, psrb. And I think you're supposed to call them Down's Syndrome these days.

[barrybueno]

Bit ableist, psrb. And I think you're supposed to call them Down's Syndrome these days.

:hehe: I think the polite term is 'Epsom'

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Don't the Tibetans all stink of rancid yak butter, though?

The yak butter tea isn't the nicest, I concede.

But milking your pet yak to help you get through the winter isn't the same as slaughtering tigers and rhinos because you haven't heard of Viagra, is it?

I don't wish to appear racist, but Johnny Chink is a wrong'un.

We should never have put down the Taiping Rebellion for them at the same time as we were fighting the 2nd Opium War.

We should have done a deal with the Western Powers and Japan to cut up the eastern third of the country between us, each having a coastal area, and made a pact with the Tibetans allowing them to annex all the territory around the plateau in the western third. The Chinks could have had the middle bit, where we could all use them as a source of pseudo-slave labour as and when required.

Each colony would have been forced to learn and speak only the language of their colonial masters, and all tiger cock munching and other uncivilised behaviour banned.

The Qing Mongolian imperial overlords used to bind women's feet during their whole childhood as they saw small feet as sexy.

I know we were far from perfect - but we'd become the first society in human history to say no fellow human could be enslaved, and had banned suttee in India and fought wars against the Thugees* there, meaning people could travel around without getting garotted to death with a yellow scarf.

So we should have annihilated their pox-ridden culture when we had the chance. And now look, eh? They've stepped into the old colonies in Africa we left because we no longer thought such behaviour acceptable, and done just what we did in C19th, propping up the local hardmen in return for robbing the gaff blind. They're forcing western leaders to kowtow to their vile culture. Their attitude to freedom of thought, belief, speech and expression is pre-Enlightenment. And the camps for the Muslims would see the country sanctioned to fück if we hadn't been so stupid as to allow them back into the global economy simply so some US shareholders could have one generation of extra dividends by exporting jobs there from the US.

Nixon's Chink deal has done more long term damage to US (and western) interests than any other US political decision.

We really should have carved that ****-hole up in 1860. And used the opium tax revenue to raise a massive army of Indians and Gurkhas on treble pay to keep them under manners.

Not that I'm an imperialist, btw. It's simply that I've lived in Indian Tibet and my beloved has filmed an audience with HHDL (who I once saw stop the monsoon) and I'd happily see 1.3bn dead Chinks if it stops another poor monk self-immolating.

*Though killing people in the name of the Goddess Kali is less hypocritical than killing them in the name of Jesus.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

A splendid diatribe ganps. Wrong' uns they are but there are probably Chinese folk who read this very board and will be at best slighted and at worst mortified by what you say.

I think Elgin had the right idea when he razed the Summer Palace. I'm with GMF's contention that he[Elgin] believed it would release the Chinese from there demagogue fixation.

We have the right idea in that we are fixated by our musicians, actors and poets, ergot our artists. Any country enthralled by its political leaders is headed for catastrophe. We stole a march on the rest of the world when we somehow became confident enough to take the rotten píss out of the powers and satirize and caricature them without fear of reprisal. It was the publication of Punch in 1841 that first signalled that our emergence from the darkness was well underway. Remember though that only forty years previous to that seminal event we would still hang, draw and quarter a human being.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

A splendid diatribe ganps. Wrong' uns they are but there are probably Chinese folk who read this very board and will be at best slighted and at worst mortified by what you say.

I think Elgin had the right idea when he razed the Summer Palace. I'm with GMF's contention that he[Elgin] believed it would release the Chinese from there demagogue fixation.

We have the right idea in that we are fixated by our musicians, actors and poets, ergot our artists. Any country enthralled by its political leaders is headed for catastrophe. We stole a march on the rest of the world when we somehow became confident enough to take the rotten píss out of the powers and satirize and caricature them without fear of reprisal. It was the publication of Punch in 1841 that first signalled that our emergence from the darkness was well underway. Remember though that only forty years previous to that seminal event we would still hang, draw and quarter a human being.

Two points, Herbs old chap.

1. Us taking the piss out of the powers that be predates Punch and the early Victorian era. During the French Revolutionary Wars, the state gave a pension to Gillray to draw his cartoons mocking our rulers (royal and politicos) as they knew that if we aren't allowed to take the pîss, as is our birthright, we may get a bit guillotiney ourselves.

Under the first Georges, when we had our first PM, Walpole from c.1720, we had Hogarth's satirical cartoons and Swift's satire. His Modest Proposal - in which he suggested that the Irish poor sell their off-spring as food to the rich to deal with the famine - was 1729, I believe.

In Voltaire's Candide - 1759, 2 years after Admiral Byng's execution - Candide is in the Venetian aristo's library, and sees that the Brits, uniquely, had free speech where we were free to mock our rulers, and Candide says it must be great to have a country with such cultural freedom. The Aristo responds that the English are weird, as they like to shoot an admiral every once in a while pour encourager les autres. {Voltaire went to school with the Duc de Richlieu who was commanding the French ships Byng was facing, and the Duc wrote a letter to the British admiralty - despite the fact that the 7 Years War was still in full swing - saying that it wasn't Byngs fault as there was no wind. The Navy responded that it didn't matter - if a RN admiral sighted French ships and didn't sink or capture any, he was to blame, even if there was no wind to allow him to get into range. This is why Voltaire had a bit of a hang up about it.}

But as you see, Herbs, our piss-taking culture goes back to the early Enlightenment. After the post-Civil War restoration of Charles II, part of the deal was that we could say what we wanted. No state oppression or it's axe time again. Then when we had the Glorious Revolution, Billy O didn't care what we said, as long as Parl voted more money for his wars with France. Then we get Anne of Denmark and the Hanoverians, and being furriners, they couldn't really threaten to execute born and bred Brits for doing what we do.

So I reckon you're well over a century out, dating it to Punch in 1841. More like 150-200 years.

2. That is a great Flashman, isn't it? The point about us trashing their palace was that it was the only way of punishing the emperor, not the poor peasants. So it was actually a civilised decision. Especially as we were helping the slitty-eyed fück put own the Taiping Rebellion at the same time.

{Us ripping out the insides of the Red Fort in Delhi after the mutiny isn't forgivable, however. The Moghul Emperor had nothing to do with the uprising, it was the rebels who asked him to replace the Brits as ruler. He'd have rather just sat in his palace writing poetry. But anyway, we sent him off to Burma, and ripped out the Red Fort for barracks and stables.}

So in the space of a couple of years, we trashed the two greatest palaces in Asia.

But have you read GMF's autobiog of fighting in Burma, Quartered Safe Out Here? This explains why in the Flashman books, all the natives are the best soldiers. In all the books, I can find only one example of Flashman doing something nice without any hope of advantage. In the Ethiopian one, when the army's arrived and is disembarking, he spots an Indian NCO with a campaign medal from the Sikh Wars so sits down and shares a chapati with him as they have a brief chinwag.

GMF's brigade had Gurkhas and Baluchis as the two non-white battalions, and he saw they we both ten times better than the white soldiers. Also, the Sikhs he was with. His experiences out there basically explain the Flashman books where, if you read between the lines as with Kipling's poems such as the Grave of the 100 Head, it's showing that the white toffs weren't a patch on the native soldiers and they were the ones who won us and guarded our empire.

Oh, and if some Chink is mortified by what I've written, tell the cünt to get the fück out of Tibet and I may address the language I use.

When the tiger-cock munchers can stop the monsoon with a smile as HHDL can, then tell them to get back to me. Any race that causes Buddhist monks to burn themselves to death id literally Godforsaken and I hope they all die of this new virus thingummy.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Cor Blimey ganp. I am only here for a little irreverent discourse now and then. You mustn't charge off to the InterTitty like that and come back armed with tiresome and quite unnecessary facts (unless you're putting a swivel eyed loon like b in his place of course - then it is perfectly acceptable).

Anyway, I would never know Swift was a satirist unless my English teacher told me. Bit like not realizing Much Ado About Nothing was a 'comedy' ;-)

Was it really safe to ridicule the powerful in 17th century England?

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Cor Blimey ganp. I am only here for a little irreverent discourse now and then. You mustn't charge off to the InterTitty like that and come back armed with tiresome and quite unnecessary facts (unless you're putting a swivel eyed loon like b in his place of course - then it is perfectly acceptable).

Anyway, I would never know Swift was a satirist unless my English teacher told me. Bit like not realizing Much Ado About Nothing was a 'comedy' ;-)

Was it really safe to ridicule the powerful in 17th century England?

1. I would never know Mustafi ws a CH if the Arsenal manager hadn't said he was one.

2. C18th ridicule, certainly. Yes, it really is. You really should read Candide, it's the greatest work of Enlightenment philosophy and as easy to read as a Beano or Viz cartoon strip. But the C17th stuff does go back to the 1660 Restoration. That was an unwritten part of the deal. You can trace our formal right to ridicule until then. {But even in the 1620s, wood-cuts were going round slagging off the CofE and other sects and that was still legal.} We are Britishers, Herbs. {We may have our faults - Sperz fans, Tory Brexiters, Wes - but we have been allowed to take the piss in ways no other country was pre-Boney, and generally wasn't until 1848-1918. Fact.}

So yes. Punch was the first magazine but we'd been doing the cartoons (Hogarth, Gillray) and the writing (Swift) for long before 1841.