WES’s restaurant review - Kiln, Soho

[WES]

Firstly, the food. We ordered three types of skewers, a fried greens dish, one fish and two meat curries plus their signature glass noodle dish and rice. Let’s start with the rice; they have one type only and it’s brown. If you have never eaten brown rice, you aren’t missing anything. It was dry and awful. The skewers were all good, the curries varied from average to good. The fried greens were nice and the glass noodle dish appeared to be their version of Pad Thai and it was very average.

Now the general experience. Awful. Utterly awful. Small, cramped, hot, loud and their idea of an enjoyable meal is to throw as many dishes at you in any particular order as quickly as possible. A family of four arrived, ordered and ate in just over half an hour. It bordered on uncivilised.

Quite why anyone would want to eat there is beyond me. Had the food been exceptional I could have tolerated the appalling ambiance but it really wasn’t.

Summary
a) Food 6/10
b) Ambiance 0/10
c) Monty needs two new hobbies

[Burney]

Firstly, the food. We ordered three types of skewers, a fried greens dish, one fish and two meat curries plus their signature glass noodle dish and rice. Let’s start with the rice; they have one type only and it’s brown. If you have never eaten brown rice, you aren’t missing anything. It was dry and awful. The skewers were all good, the curries varied from average to good. The fried greens were nice and the glass noodle dish appeared to be their version of Pad Thai and it was very average.

Now the general experience. Awful. Utterly awful. Small, cramped, hot, loud and their idea of an enjoyable meal is to throw as many dishes at you in any particular order as quickly as possible. A family of four arrived, ordered and ate in just over half an hour. It bordered on uncivilised.

Quite why anyone would want to eat there is beyond me. Had the food been exceptional I could have tolerated the appalling ambiance but it really wasn’t.

Summary
a) Food 6/10
b) Ambiance 0/10
c) Monty needs two new hobbies

As regards c) I'm trying to gather support for burning him in a wicker man in order to prevent Tottenham winning the Champions League.

I take it that, after last night, you're in?

[Sir C]

Firstly, the food. We ordered three types of skewers, a fried greens dish, one fish and two meat curries plus their signature glass noodle dish and rice. Let’s start with the rice; they have one type only and it’s brown. If you have never eaten brown rice, you aren’t missing anything. It was dry and awful. The skewers were all good, the curries varied from average to good. The fried greens were nice and the glass noodle dish appeared to be their version of Pad Thai and it was very average.

Now the general experience. Awful. Utterly awful. Small, cramped, hot, loud and their idea of an enjoyable meal is to throw as many dishes at you in any particular order as quickly as possible. A family of four arrived, ordered and ate in just over half an hour. It bordered on uncivilised.

Quite why anyone would want to eat there is beyond me. Had the food been exceptional I could have tolerated the appalling ambiance but it really wasn’t.

Summary
a) Food 6/10
b) Ambiance 0/10
c) Monty needs two new hobbies

The restaurant experience can be quite a subjective matter, I'd say, given that tastes vary. That's [probably why we have many different types of restaurant. One man's 'noisy, cramped and loud' is another man's 'bustling, buzzing atmosphere'.

Certainly some seem to enjoy the Kiln experience more than you.

https://www.standard.co.uk/go/london/restaurants/soho-s-kiln-crowned-best-uk-restaurant-at-national-restaurant-awards-a3860331.html

Personally, whilst I have enjoyed Kiln, anyone choosing it as a destination for diner en famille is either a bit thick or sadly out of touch with the London restaurant scene.

[Burney]

The restaurant experience can be quite a subjective matter, I'd say, given that tastes very. That's [probably why we have many different types of restaurant. One man's 'noisy, cramped and loud' is another man's 'bustling, buzzing atmosphere'.

Certainly some seem to enjoy the Kiln experience more than you.

https://www.standard.co.uk/go/london/restaurants/soho-s-kiln-crowned-best-uk-restaurant-at-national-restaurant-awards-a3860331.html

Personally, whilst I have enjoyed Kiln, anyone choosing it as a destination for diner en famille is either a bit thick or sadly out of touch with the London restaurant scene.

I must admit that being cramped or in any way uncomfortable is something I cannot abide in a restaurant. If I want to eat while jostling elbows with people, I'll eat street food and pay street food prices. I don't care if the food tastes like the Virgin Mary's inner thigh, if you can't make your clientele comfortable, you can get to fúck.

[Sir C]

I must admit that being cramped or in any way uncomfortable is something I cannot abide in a restaurant. If I want to eat while jostling elbows with people, I'll eat street food and pay street food prices. I don't care if the food tastes like the Virgin Mary's inner thigh, if you can't make your clientele comfortable, you can get to fúck.

I tend to agree, but probably wouldn't have felt the same when I was 25. :shrug:

Consider one of my very favourite restarant experiences - I love a Saturday lunch at the oyster bar at J Sheekey. One sits at the counter, elbow to elbow with the stranger next to you. The food is competent, decent seafood - one might start with a dozen natives and a glass of champagne, and move on to a nice piece of turbot with a beurre blanc and pommes allumettes. The service with be efficient and charming and the food fine, or rather better than fine. Nothing ground-breaking there, but I love it for the sense of history in the beautiful art deco surroundings, the sociability of often falling into conversation with other bon viveurs of similar tastes and the feeling of timelessness. Chaps have been doing the same thing in J Sheekey for 100 years... others will tell you that there are better seafood restaurants in London, or that they hate sitting at a counter, or that J Sheekey is overpriced, and they would be correct. Yet it is the thing I enjoy most.

WES prefers an all-you-can eat buffet prepared by slave labour in a concrete hell hole, so fúck him and his moose.

[Pokster]

I tend to agree, but probably wouldn't have felt the same when I was 25. :shrug:

Consider one of my very favourite restarant experiences - I love a Saturday lunch at the oyster bar at J Sheekey. One sits at the counter, elbow to elbow with the stranger next to you. The food is competent, decent seafood - one might start with a dozen natives and a glass of champagne, and move on to a nice piece of turbot with a beurre blanc and pommes allumettes. The service with be efficient and charming and the food fine, or rather better than fine. Nothing ground-breaking there, but I love it for the sense of history in the beautiful art deco surroundings, the sociability of often falling into conversation with other bon viveurs of similar tastes and the feeling of timelessness. Chaps have been doing the same thing in J Sheekey for 100 years... others will tell you that there are better seafood restaurants in London, or that they hate sitting at a counter, or that J Sheekey is overpriced, and they would be correct. Yet it is the thing I enjoy most.

WES prefers an all-you-can eat buffet prepared by slave labour in a concrete hell hole, so fúck him and his moose.

I wondered how long into your well constructed post it would be before the moose ****er was banged to rights

[Burney]

I tend to agree, but probably wouldn't have felt the same when I was 25. :shrug:

Consider one of my very favourite restarant experiences - I love a Saturday lunch at the oyster bar at J Sheekey. One sits at the counter, elbow to elbow with the stranger next to you. The food is competent, decent seafood - one might start with a dozen natives and a glass of champagne, and move on to a nice piece of turbot with a beurre blanc and pommes allumettes. The service with be efficient and charming and the food fine, or rather better than fine. Nothing ground-breaking there, but I love it for the sense of history in the beautiful art deco surroundings, the sociability of often falling into conversation with other bon viveurs of similar tastes and the feeling of timelessness. Chaps have been doing the same thing in J Sheekey for 100 years... others will tell you that there are better seafood restaurants in London, or that they hate sitting at a counter, or that J Sheekey is overpriced, and they would be correct. Yet it is the thing I enjoy most.

WES prefers an all-you-can eat buffet prepared by slave labour in a concrete hell hole, so fúck him and his moose.

Yes, I get that. And I have also enjoyed various meals taken at a counter - tapas in Seville springs to mind. However, I think there is an element of tradition there that you eloquently describe and which balances any discomfort.

My issue is with many of these places these days that offer discomfort and rather tend to sling food at you under the guise of 'bustle' and 'atmosphere', but are in fact just getting the greatest possible number of covers into a small space and keeping their margins low by not providing the amenities I consider essential to an enjoyable dining experience.

[Sir C]

I wondered how long into your well constructed post it would be before the moose ****er was banged to rights

The fellow positively has a doctorate in 'how to be wrong about everything', I swear to it.

[Sir C]

Yes, I get that. And I have also enjoyed various meals taken at a counter - tapas in Seville springs to mind. However, I think there is an element of tradition there that you eloquently describe and which balances any discomfort.

My issue is with many of these places these days that offer discomfort and rather tend to sling food at you under the guise of 'bustle' and 'atmosphere', but are in fact just getting the greatest possible number of covers into a small space and keeping their margins low by not providing the amenities I consider essential to an enjoyable dining experience.

Indeed. These places are not for us. Happily we still have the likes of The Ivy, The Wolseley, The Delaunay or even Zedel to deliver the predictably comfortable experience we so enjoy.

[Burney]

Indeed. These places are not for us. Happily we still have the likes of The Ivy, The Wolseley, The Delaunay or even Zedel to deliver the predictably comfortable experience we so enjoy.

I took E to Zedel for her birthday last year. I had a dozen oysters and choucroute. She seemed faintly disgusted by my choices.
Young people are so conservative.

[Sir C]

I took E to Zedel for her birthday last year. I had a dozen oysters and choucroute. She seemed faintly disgusted by my choices.
Young people are so conservative.

Love a choucroute, as you know. Always disappointed by the spuds. Could I, d'you think, order it with, you know, God's honest chips?

[Burney]

Love a choucroute, as you know. Always disappointed by the spuds. Could I, d'you think, order it with, you know, God's honest chips?

Why not. :shrug: I've certainly ordered marmite de pecheur (which contains pommes vapeuse) and ordered chips on the side for dipping.

[Pokster]

Indeed. These places are not for us. Happily we still have the likes of The Ivy, The Wolseley, The Delaunay or even Zedel to deliver the predictably comfortable experience we so enjoy.

the Ivy in Leeds next week :cloud9:

[Sir C]

Why not. :shrug: I've certainly ordered marmite de pecheur (which contains pommes vapeuse) and ordered chips on the side for dipping.

I'm afraid I shall look common. Is that dreadfully bourgeois of me?

[Sir C]

the Ivy in Leeds next week :cloud9:

There's an Ivy in Leeds? :yikes: I hope it's proper like the proper one.

[Burney]

I'm afraid I shall look common. Is that dreadfully bourgeois of me?

It is rather. Surprisingly so.

I must admit that as I get older, I find myself with a dwindling supply of fúcks to give about 'looking' anything.

[Sir C]

It is rather. Surprisingly so.

I must admit that as I get older, I find myself with a dwindling supply of fúcks to give about 'looking' anything.

There is a part of me that will always remain the child of penniless immigrants, you know. Some things never really leave us.

Yestrday I walked past a church. I walked back. I tried the door. I went inside, I passed a delightful moment with the BVM. :sigh:

[Burney]

There is a part of me that will always remain the child of penniless immigrants, you know. Some things never really leave us.

Yestrday I walked past a church. I walked back. I tried the door. I went inside, I passed a delightful moment with the BVM. :sigh:

Did you try a nibble of her inner thigh?

[Sir C]

Did you try a nibble of her inner thigh?

Good God no. She was wearing a full length blue garment. And she was made of rocks.

[Burney]

Good God no. She was wearing a full length blue garment. And she was made of rocks.

Gosh. Well I suppose both of those probably help with the old virginity.

[Pokster]

There's an Ivy in Leeds? :yikes: I hope it's proper like the proper one.

New ones opened in Leeds and harrogate, the Harrogate one is very much like the London one...not been to Leeds before but looks good

[Burney]

New ones opened in Leeds and harrogate, the Harrogate one is very much like the London one...not been to Leeds before but looks good

There's an Ivy Market Grill in Covent Garden that I'm afraid is just a bang-average tourist trap.

[Pokster]

There's an Ivy Market Grill in Covent Garden that I'm afraid is just a bang-average tourist trap.

Covent garden tourist trap shocker!!!!

[WES]

As regards c) I'm trying to gather support for burning him in a wicker man in order to prevent Tottenham winning the Champions League.

I take it that, after last night, you're in?

Whilst I have sympathy for your motivation in this regard, I did ask Monty for advice so I really have no one to blame but myself and would therefore feel guilty about using this unsavoury incident as an impetus for supporting you.

Good luck and everything, of course :thumbup:

[Burney]

Whilst I have sympathy for your motivation in this regard, I did ask Monty for advice so I really have no one to blame but myself and would therefore feel guilty about using this unsavoury incident as an impetus for supporting you.

Good luck and everything, of course :thumbup:

He openly gloated about Kane's injury and seconds later, Tottenham scored. That's not coincidence, WES. The gods of football will not be mocked. They must be appeased with human sacrifice.

This isn't personal, it's just science. :shrug:

[WES]

The restaurant experience can be quite a subjective matter, I'd say, given that tastes vary. That's [probably why we have many different types of restaurant. One man's 'noisy, cramped and loud' is another man's 'bustling, buzzing atmosphere'.

Certainly some seem to enjoy the Kiln experience more than you.

https://www.standard.co.uk/go/london/restaurants/soho-s-kiln-crowned-best-uk-restaurant-at-national-restaurant-awards-a3860331.html

Personally, whilst I have enjoyed Kiln, anyone choosing it as a destination for diner en famille is either a bit thick or sadly out of touch with the London restaurant scene.

Well, yes, I am out of touch with the London restaurant scene, which is why I asked someone that I thought was not.

And of course I was only offering my opinion, I thought that was obvious. I would point out that while the quality of the food is clearly subjective, shoving 8 dishes in front of you in about 10 minutes is not. It is clearly a volume business and en famille or not I find this objectionable.

[WES]

He openly gloated about Kane's injury and seconds later, Tottenham scored. That's not coincidence, WES. The gods of football will not be mocked. They must be appeased with human sacrifice.

This isn't personal, it's just science. :shrug:

Ah well, as you know I am a man of science so in this case....

Burn the f*cker :thumbup:

[Rich]

There's an Ivy in Leeds? :yikes: I hope it's proper like the proper one.

It’ll be the same as the won in Wimbledon Village. Competent? Certainly. The real thing? No.