Have you ever sent someone a picture of ytour winkle?

[Sir C]

If you have: why?

[Tony C]

Pretty standard imo

It works effectively if done correctly.

Don’t just take a pic and send it. Wtf.

You need to entice the filly.

Do a clean up and think of her while your taking the shot so she knows what’s coming her way.

More advanced users like myself also think about their choice of underwear and seeing that your hand will be in the shot then maybe spruce that up a bit. Clean nails, a nice watch etc etc

[Sir C]

Pretty standard imo

It works effectively if done correctly.

Don’t just take a pic and send it. Wtf.

You need to entice the filly.

Do a clean up and think of her while your taking the shot so she knows what’s coming her way.

More advanced users like myself also think about their choice of underwear and seeing that your hand will be in the shot then maybe spruce that up a bit. Clean nails, a nice watch etc etc

WhatsApp me dude.

[Pokster]

If you have: why?

I must wonder why you are asking?? You have haven't you

[IUFG]

If you have: why?

No. Because I am not some filthy deviant.

[Sir C]

I must wonder why you are asking?? You have haven't you

You loved it.

[Pokster]

No. Because I am not some filthy deviant.

Yeah right......

[Pokster]

You loved it.

I'm a bit shocked that we haven't had a "yes, because your mum wanted it" comment....

[Burney]

If you have: why?

Obviously not and from what I can see, it seems to me these chaps who do tend to cheat by taking the shot from below to give a false impression of size. This is selling a false bill of goods imo.

[Pokster]

Obviously not and from what I can see, it seems to me these chaps who do tend to cheat by taking the shot from below to give a false impression of size. This is selling a false bill of goods imo.

So you have studied this to form an opinion... deviant b

[IUFG]

Yeah right......

Yeah.

You see, once you've sent said pic, you've lost control over it.

Who knows where it might end up and seen by whom?

[Tony C]

To be fair I believe my generation would be the only one engaging in this.

Older guys wouldn’t because they’ve got the process down pat and probably with someone already while millennials would find it incredibly offensive.

-

Also taking the shot from the bottom loooool rookie error. You want to display your weapon in its element ie with the veins popping and the head throbbing reading for war imo

[Burney]

So you have studied this to form an opinion... deviant b

Couple of years ago I was having this very discussion with younger teammates in my cricket side and I was expressing bewilderment at this modern courting ritual. Anyway, they ended up showing me the pics they’d sent to and received from lady friends. Now I had seen their cocks and they bore little or no resemblance to the apparent whoppers they were sending pictures of. They admitted that there was a certain amount of artistic licence used in the way they took the pics, but saw no issue with this. I made it clear I felt it was knob fraud and would have no truck with it.

[IUFG]

To be fair I believe my generation would be the only one engaging in this.

Older guys wouldn’t because they’ve got the process down pat and probably with someone already while millennials would find it incredibly offensive.

-

Also taking the shot from the bottom loooool rookie error. You want to display your weapon in its element ie with the veins popping and the head throbbing reading for war imo

arrête le monde, je débarque

[Burney]

To be fair I believe my generation would be the only one engaging in this.

Older guys wouldn’t because they’ve got the process down pat and probably with someone already while millennials would find it incredibly offensive.

-

Also taking the shot from the bottom loooool rookie error. You want to display your weapon in its element ie with the veins popping and the head throbbing reading for war imo

That doesn’t sound entirely healthy, t. :-( Are you putting rubber bands round the bottom of it or something?

[Sir C]

Obviously not and from what I can see, it seems to me these chaps who do tend to cheat by taking the shot from below to give a false impression of size. This is selling a false bill of goods imo.

Look, I really didn't wish to get into the mechanics of the thing. It's the motivation that puzzles me.

Does the sender think that a young lady is going to look at a photograph of his trouser-oboe and think, "Gosh, I must have that one and no other!"?

[Tony C]

You got to give it a few strokes first...Wait...are you guys taking about a straight picture with him looking all sad? Lol

That’s just lazy.

It’s supposed to be an erection.

You might also want to get one of those spray mists so it’s glistening #moneyshot

Btw I only have one photo. Don’t sit there taking them again and again lol

[IUFG]

Btw I only have one photo. Don’t sit there taking them again and again lol

Blimey, T.

Did you have this photo professionally taken?

[Viva Prat Vegas]

He did it in one of those passport photo booth thingies

[IUFG]

He did it in one of those passport photo booth thingies

:hehe: T's seat adjustment game is strong

[Burney]

Look, I really didn't wish to get into the mechanics of the thing. It's the motivation that puzzles me.

Does the sender think that a young lady is going to look at a photograph of his trouser-oboe and think, "Gosh, I must have that one and no other!"?

Don’t ask me, mate. I’m not a sex case. Ask ‘Sir’ Ian Botham.:shrug:

[Tony C]

Loooooooooool

[Luis Anaconda]

Couple of years ago I was having this very discussion with younger teammates in my cricket side and I was expressing bewilderment at this modern courting ritual. Anyway, they ended up showing me the pics they’d sent to and received from lady friends. Now I had seen their cocks and they bore little or no resemblance to the apparent whoppers they were sending pictures of. They admitted that there was a certain amount of artistic licence used in the way they took the pics, but saw no issue with this. I made it clear I felt it was knob fraud and would have no truck with it.
Good Lord, b. That sounds almost as bad as this Worcestershire sex trial - classy bunch of lads

[Burney]

Good Lord, b. That sounds almost as bad as this Worcestershire sex trial - classy bunch of lads

I blame the chap who got out of bed to be sick. You can’t leave a sleeping women alone when there’s An Australian about.

[IUFG]

I blame the chap who got out of bed to be sick. You can’t leave a sleeping women alone when there’s An Australian about.

Yes, class oozing out of every pore of that story.

[Luis Anaconda]

I blame the chap who got out of bed to be sick. You can’t leave a sleeping women alone when there’s An Australian about.

gpwm - supposed future England batsman as well. Can't imagine Sir Geoffrey doing that

[IUFG]

Can't imagine Sir Geoffrey doing that

Quite.

He'd have given her slap or two and asked her what she was thinking of...

[The Insider]

Bizarrely, my daughter's male friends have taken to sending pictures of their freshly laid 'Richards' to each other.....

[71 Guns - channeling the spirit of Mr Hat]

If you have: why?
Yeah. I sent one to redgunamo's mum. She replied saying something about waving a pencil around in the Albert Hall :-(

[redgunamo]

Yeah. I sent one to redgunamo's mum. She replied saying something about waving a pencil around in the Albert Hall :-(

loooooooool. Timing :hehe:

[Monty92]

loooooooool. Timing :hehe:

I'd imagine your biggest problem with dick pics would be fitting the whole thing into a single frame. You'd have to send them in installments.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I'd imagine your biggest problem with dick pics would be fitting the whole thing into a single frame. You'd have to send them in installments.

Wide angled lens m. Not very technical are you.

[Monty92]

Wide angled lens m. Not very technical are you.

Ah, I have a question.

Since our boiler was serviced a few months ago, whenever we run the dishwasher or washing machine of an evening we get crazy loud gurgling sounds from the plug hole in our sinks and particularly the bath.

We had a fella come round the other day from the property management company who insists it's all perfectly normal and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they did a service and ****ed some **** up in the process.

Can you shed any light on why this might be happening and what we could do about it?

If you could also express your deep loathing for Jews somewhere in your response, that too would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

[Burney]

Ah, I have a question.

Since our boiler was serviced a few months ago, whenever we run the dishwasher or washing machine of an evening we get crazy loud gurgling sounds from the plug hole in our sinks and particularly the bath.

We had a fella come round the other day from the property management company who insists it's all perfectly normal and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they did a service and ****ed some **** up in the process.

Can you shed any light on why this might be happening and what we could do about it?

If you could also express your deep loathing for Jews somewhere in your response, that too would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

I'm no expert, m, but it sounds to me like there's probably some jobbies jammed in the shítpipes. In which case h is your man.

[Monty92]

I'm no expert, m, but it sounds to me like there's probably some jobbies jammed in the shítpipes. In which case h is your man.

I did, after carefully weighing up my options, flush a pair of shít-stained knickers down the crapper the other day, but the gurgling issue pre-dates that regrettable incident.

[Burney]

I did, after carefully weighing up my options, flush a pair of shít-stained knickers down the crapper the other day, but the gurgling issue pre-dates that regrettable incident.

Why were you wearing knickers?

[Monty92]

Why were you wearing knickers?

Don't be ridiculous.

They were the missus's.

[IUFG]

Don't be ridiculous.

They were the missus's.

your missus shat herself?

and...why not throw them in the bin?

[Monty92]

your missus shat herself?

and...why not throw them in the bin?

We're toilet training my daughter and she did a shiite in her knick-knacks. Flushing them down the shítter seemed the best of a very, very bad range of options.

[Burney]

Don't be ridiculous.

They were the missus's.

Your domestic arrangements alarm me, m.

Mind you, this does remind me of a time when the main sewer that ran in an alley next to my old house had some issues and I called the water people. I was working at home at the time and a grubby little homunculus dressed in overalls of indistinct colour and dubious cleanliness came to the door to announce he was going to have a poke about as his calling demanded. "Jolly good," I said, backing away imperceptibly. "Crack on, there's a good fellow."
Half an hour later, he rang the doorbell again wielding a huge and filthy shovel which he jabbed towards me accusingly, saying: "THERE'S YOUR TROUBLE!"

On the shovel were a simply enormous pair of perished, shít-covered Y-fronts of ancient vintage.

"You can't flush things like that!" he continued. "No wonder you've got bloody trouble."
I pointed out hotly that the sewer served the entire street, that these were clearly not my Y-Fronts and that he needed to look elsewhere for the felonious flusher. "Pshaw!" he said (or similar), gave me the stinkeye and stalked off, muttering darkly.
A very distressing experience. I imagine he was one of h's chums. Indeed, when I think of h, I imagine this fellow.

[Pokster]

We're toilet training my daughter and she did a shiite in her knick-knacks. Flushing them down the shítter seemed the best of a very, very bad range of options.

So you couldn't be bothered to put them in a bag and stick them in a bin.... FFS, you give parents a bad name

[Monty92]

Your domestic arrangements alarm me, m.

Mind you, this does remind me of a time when the main sewer that ran in an alley next to my old house had some issues and I called the water people. I was working at home at the time and a grubby little homunculus dressed in overalls of indistinct colour and dubious cleanliness came to the door to announce he was going to have a poke about as his calling demanded. "Jolly good," I said, backing away imperceptibly. "Crack on, there's a good fellow."
Half an hour later, he rang the doorbell again wielding a huge and filthy shovel which he jabbed towards me accusingly, saying: "THERE'S YOUR TROUBLE!"

On the shovel were a simply enormous pair of perished, shít-covered Y-fronts of ancient vintage.

"You can't flush things like that!" he continued. "No wonder you've got bloody trouble."
I pointed out hotly that the sewer served the entire street, that these were clearly not my Y-Fronts and that he needed to look elsewhere for the felonious flusher. "Pshaw!" he said (or similar), gave me the stinkeye and stalked off, muttering darkly.
A very distressing experience. I imagine he was one of h's chums. Indeed, when I think of h, I imagine this fellow.


I'm interested to know what it was about these presumably barely-identifiable pair of under-crackers that gave you the confidence to declare them "clearly not mine"?

Men who deal with this kind of stuff seem entirely unaware of how profoundly uninterested anyone else is about the mechanics of plumbing. A fella came round yesterday and insisted on taking me into the basement to point out all of the various pipes and which flats they belong to.

Still, at least he didn't rape me.

[Monty92]

So you couldn't be bothered to put them in a bag and stick them in a bin.... FFS, you give parents a bad name

It wasn't quite that simple. Trust me, on this occasion no deal was definitely better than a bad deal :-(

[IUFG]

We're toilet training my daughter and she did a shiite in her knick-knacks. Flushing them down the shítter seemed the best of a very, very bad range of options.

I remember having to cut one of the kids out of their baby grow, in the bath, after their shíte started coming out of the collar of the grow... :puke:

Not once did I think about flushing the totally besmirched garment down the toilet.

M, you are a wrong 'un.
But we already knew that.

[redgunamo]

Your domestic arrangements alarm me, m.

Mind you, this does remind me of a time when the main sewer that ran in an alley next to my old house had some issues and I called the water people. I was working at home at the time and a grubby little homunculus dressed in overalls of indistinct colour and dubious cleanliness came to the door to announce he was going to have a poke about as his calling demanded. "Jolly good," I said, backing away imperceptibly. "Crack on, there's a good fellow."
Half an hour later, he rang the doorbell again wielding a huge and filthy shovel which he jabbed towards me accusingly, saying: "THERE'S YOUR TROUBLE!"

On the shovel were a simply enormous pair of perished, shít-covered Y-fronts of ancient vintage.

"You can't flush things like that!" he continued. "No wonder you've got bloody trouble."
I pointed out hotly that the sewer served the entire street, that these were clearly not my Y-Fronts and that he needed to look elsewhere for the felonious flusher. "Pshaw!" he said (or similar), gave me the stinkeye and stalked off, muttering darkly.
A very distressing experience. I imagine he was one of h's chums. Indeed, when I think of h, I imagine this fellow.

Have you been reading Wodehouse again? He's the only man that can use "pshaw!" and get away with it, imo.

[Luis Anaconda]

Have you been reading Wodehouse again? He's the only man that can use "pshaw!" and get away with it, imo.

Does Bertie say "pshaw" and Psmith use "shaw" I wonder

[Burney]

I'm interested to know what it was about these presumably barely-identifiable pair of under-crackers that gave you the confidence to declare them "clearly not mine"?

Men who deal with this kind of stuff seem entirely unaware of how profoundly uninterested anyone else is about the mechanics of plumbing. A fella came round yesterday and insisted on taking me into the basement to point out all of the various pipes and which flats they belong to.

Still, at least he didn't rape me.

Well
a/ They were Y-Fronts and I don't live in the 1960s
b/ Even when I was rather larger you could have fit two of me into this monstrous garment
c/ They'd been flushed down the lavatory and I am not the sort of man who flushes his underpants down lavatories.

[Burney]

Have you been reading Wodehouse again? He's the only man that can use "pshaw!" and get away with it, imo.

Merely my poor homage to the Master, of course. I couldn't possibly hope to emulate him in any meaningful sense.

[Burney]

Does Bertie say "pshaw" and Psmith use "shaw" I wonder

My favourite thing in the Psmith books is the way Mike Jackson at short notice pops to Lord's and knocks off a quick hundred. We've all been there.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Ah, I have a question.

Since our boiler was serviced a few months ago, whenever we run the dishwasher or washing machine of an evening we get crazy loud gurgling sounds from the plug hole in our sinks and particularly the bath.

Your boiler, a gas fired heating device, has no connection whatsoever with your waste water removal pipes. Surely even a whining filthy workshy money lending heebie soft-hand like yourself can comprehend this. You have fallen for a spurious correlation.

Flushing knickers down the bog will almost always end in serious problems. The cotton, unlike tissue paper, does not dissolve and will almost certainly block your drain, partially at first, then fully as the rest of your waste material attaches itself to the knickers.

The correlation you may have noticed between the plumber's visit and your wife's fanny size increasing markedly is far from spurious and is a direct cause and effect phenomenon.

[Monty92]

Your boiler, a gas fired heating device, has no connection whatsoever with your waste water removal pipes. Surely even a whining filthy workshy money lending heebie soft-hand like yourself can comprehend this. You have fallen for a spurious correlation.

Flushing knickers down the bog will almost always end in serious problems. The cotton, unlike tissue paper, does not dissolve and will almost certainly block your drain, partially at first, then fully as the rest of your waste material attaches itself to the knickers.

The correlation you may have noticed between the plumber's visit and your wife's fanny size increasing markedly is far from spurious and is a direct cause and effect phenomenon.

What about if I told you that the chaps who serviced the boiler also fiddled around with the stopcock while they were here?

Also, you've essentially ignored my original question which was about the loud gurgling noises emanating from our plug holes that pre-date the unfortunate knickers-flushing incident by several weeks.

What's causing that?

[redgunamo]

Merely my poor homage to the Master, of course. I couldn't possibly hope to emulate him in any meaningful sense.

Indeed. And so say all of us!

[redgunamo]

Does Bertie say "pshaw" and Psmith use "shaw" I wonder

Very good, LA.

[redgunamo]

Of course, they have to at least make it look as though they're earning their money, don't they.


Oh, I see what you mean. Sorry :homer:



What about if I told you that the chaps who serviced the boiler also fiddled around with the stopcock while they were here?

[redgunamo]

If you have: why?

No, but at school, young Wilkins was commonly known as Winkle.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

What about if I told you that the chaps who serviced the boiler also fiddled around with the stopcock while they were here?

Also, you've essentially ignored my original question which was about the loud gurgling noises emanating from our plug holes that pre-date the unfortunate knickers-flushing incident by several weeks.

What's causing that?

This I cannot possibly surmise without actually visiting your little basement flat in Willesden. PM your address and I'll slip round in the next couple of days.

Your wife does, shall we say, allow the garden to grow?

[redgunamo]

My favourite thing in the Psmith books is the way Mike Jackson at short notice pops to Lord's and knocks off a quick hundred. We've all been there.

I love his description of one sad individual as having the look of a man who had once missed an important train and never really gotten over it.

But as you suggest, so many to choose from.

[Burney]

I love his description of one sad individual as having the look of a man who had once missed an important train and never really gotten over it.

But as you suggest, so many to choose from.

I'd go with "It is a good rule in life never to apologise. The right sort of people do not want apologies,
while the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them."

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Merely my poor homage to the Master, of course. I couldn't possibly hope to emulate him in any meaningful sense.

Having now been through the whole Jeeves oeuvre twice I tried my first Blandings and , though I managed to finish, felt something was missing. At the mention in the book of Sir Roderick Glossop I became misty eyed and nostalgic for Bertie and Jeeves.

Have just finished Ben Schott's Jeeves and the King of Clubs and found it very wide of the mark. Far too many snappy one liners for Bertram methinks.

Have you tried Faulks' attempt? I fancy you'd be too much the purist b to have bothered but 'red will be much less of a literary snob.

[Burney]

Having now been through the whole Jeeves oeuvre twice I tried my first Blandings and , though I managed to finish, felt something was missing. At the mention in the book of Sir Roderick Glossop I became misty eyed and nostalgic for Bertie and Jeeves.

Have just finished Ben Schott's Jeeves and the King of Clubs and found it very wide of the mark. Far too many snappy one liners for Bertram methinks.

Have you tried Faulks' attempt? I fancy you'd be too much the purist b to have bothered but 'red will be much less of a literary snob.

I don't really see the point of that sort of thing, to be fair. If I want to read Wodehouse, then only Wodehouse will do. However good the imitation might be, it can only ever be clever pastiche at best - and as such, ultimately unsatisfactory.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Burney "My favourite thing in the Psmith books is the way Mike Jackson at short notice pops to Lord's and knocks off a quick hundred. We've all been there."

Hello Dennis Compton!
He used to avail himself of his night-on-the-tiles DJ before topping up the Brylcreem and changing into his whites
Did they have pads in his day?

[Burney]

Burney "My favourite thing in the Psmith books is the way Mike Jackson at short notice pops to Lord's and knocks off a quick hundred. We've all been there."

Hello Dennis Compton!
He used to avail himself of his night-on-the-tiles DJ before topping up the Brylcreem and changing into his whites
Did they have pads in his day?

Compton is also - as far as I'm aware - the only England cricketer/Arsenal player ever to have been namechecked in an Oscars acceptance speech.

[Luis Anaconda]

Compton is also - as far as I'm aware - the only England cricketer/Arsenal player ever to have been namechecked in an Oscars acceptance speech.

By Tim Rice? The man isn't all bad

[Burney]

By Tim Rice? The man isn't all bad

Correct. I'm just guessing he's the only one.

[Luis Anaconda]

Correct. I'm just guessing he's the only one.
Yes - just looked up cricket at the oscars. Closest other mention was Russell Crowe thanking his uncle, Martin and Jeff's dad

[Burney]

Yes - just looked up cricket at the oscars. Closest other mention was Russell Crowe thanking his uncle, Martin and Jeff's dad

I looked it up and apparently Derek Pringle was in Chariots of Fire. :yikes:
1040

[Luis Anaconda]

I looked it up and apparently Derek Pringle was in Chariots of Fire. :yikes:
1040

Token better actor than cricketer reply

[Burney]

Token better actor than cricketer reply

If he'd stuck with acting, we could have been spared the sight of him trundling towards Viv Richards (it's always Viv Richards in my mind), releasing an innocuous delivery and seeing Richards dispatch it with ease while speccy Del looked perplexed.

HOW DID THAT MAN GET 40-ODD CAPS, LA? HOW!?? :furious:

[Luis Anaconda]

If he'd stuck with acting, we could have been spared the sight of him trundling towards Viv Richards (it's always Viv Richards in my mind), releasing an innocuous delivery and seeing Richards dispatch it with ease while speccy Del looked perplexed.

HOW DID THAT MAN GET 40-ODD CAPS, LA? HOW!?? :furious:
He had a remarkable ability to get Dessie Haynes out I seem to recall - which did only bring Richards to the crease but there you go

[redgunamo]

Having now been through the whole Jeeves oeuvre twice I tried my first Blandings and , though I managed to finish, felt something was missing. At the mention in the book of Sir Roderick Glossop I became misty eyed and nostalgic for Bertie and Jeeves.

Have just finished Ben Schott's Jeeves and the King of Clubs and found it very wide of the mark. Far too many snappy one liners for Bertram methinks.

Have you tried Faulks' attempt? I fancy you'd be too much the purist b to have bothered but 'red will be much less of a literary snob.

Yes, although Emsworth is essentially an aged Bertie Wooster, the books lack Wooster's first person narration, which is the most genius thing the genius ever created, imo.