Talking of chicks, I read a book by one and it was alright. :nod:

[Sir C]

Who knew that was a thing?

[Burney]

Who knew that was a thing?

I can't bear reading books by chicks. They always get men wrong.

I suppose this is probably what women feel about male writers, but y'know, who cares?

[Sir C]

I can't bear reading books by chicks. They always get men wrong.

I suppose this is probably what women feel about male writers, but y'know, who cares?

Yes, but, as I say, (perhaps you weren't listening?) this one was alright. I'd go so far as to say it was quite good. So there you are, all previously held convictions regarding womenwriters may now be revisited.

[Burney]

Yes, but, as I say, (perhaps you weren't listening?) this one was alright. I'd go so far as to say it was quite good. So there you are, all previously held convictions regarding womenwriters may now be revisited.

Look, you getting the horn from reading a Jilly Cooper novel doesn't make it actually good or incline me to suppose that lady scribblers are of any use. Sir, a woman writing is very much like a dog walking on its hind legs. The thing is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all*.


*With apologies to Dr Johnson, who in fact said this about women preaching.

[Sir C]

Look, you getting the horn from reading a Jilly Cooper novel doesn't make it actually good or incline me to suppose that lady scribblers are of any use. Sir, a woman writing is very much like a dog walking on its hind legs. The thing is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all*.


*With apologies to Dr Johnson, who in fact said this about women preaching.

Oh, you don't trust my judgement now? I can assure you, old chap, that if I told you that a Jilly Cooper novel would give you the horn, you may rest assured that a mere page would have your wizened prawn standing on end in some sort of twisted evocation of what the rest of the world might call an 'erection'.

[Burney]

Oh, you don't trust my judgement now? I can assure you, old chap, that if I told you that a Jilly Cooper novel would give you the horn, you may rest assured that a mere page would have your wizened prawn standing on end in some sort of twisted evocation of what the rest of the world might call an 'erection'.

Go on then. Who is this so-called good so-called chick so-called writer? Hmmm?

[Sir C]

Go on then. Who is this so-called good so-called chick so-called writer? Hmmm?

It's this one. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coffin-Path-perfect-ghost-story-ebook/dp/B06WLQLCKH/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1546446949&sr=8-1&keywords=the+coffin+path It's got ghosties and everything! Woooooooooooo!

[Burney]

It's this one. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coffin-Path-perfect-ghost-story-ebook/dp/B06WLQLCKH/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1546446949&sr=8-1&keywords=the+coffin+path It's got ghosties and everything! Woooooooooooo!

Oooh, it's on Audible. I've nabbed it. For lack of choice, I've been reduced to listening to Bernard Cornwell books lately. They're really not terribly good. And very samey. And all the women either get raped or narrowly escape rape. He's deffo got a thing about rape. Dirty man.

[Sir C]

Oooh, it's on Audible. I've nabbed it. For lack of choice, I've been reduced to listening to Bernard Cornwell books lately. They're really not terribly good. And very samey. And all the women either get raped or narrowly escape rape. He's deffo got a thing about rape. Dirty man.

There's anothe good audible choice for you, it's a trilogy but only two of them available on audiobook so far, my bird introduced me to them, they're about a lad and horses and that, what's it called now, The Horseman. Tim Pears. That's the first one. Checkitout.

[Sir C]

Oooh, it's on Audible. I've nabbed it. For lack of choice, I've been reduced to listening to Bernard Cornwell books lately. They're really not terribly good. And very samey. And all the women either get raped or narrowly escape rape. He's deffo got a thing about rape. Dirty man.

But also, when is that lazy fat cow going to finish her fúcking book? Fúck's sake.

Mantel, I mean. The first two were excellent on audiobook and lasted for hours. Days.

[Burney]

There's anothe good audible choice for you, it's a trilogy but only two of them available on audiobook so far, my bird introduced me to them, they're about a lad and horses and that, what's it called now, The Horseman. Tim Pears. That's the first one. Checkitout.

:-\ Is there any war in it?

I don't usually like fiction where people don't get shot or stabbed anymore.

[Sir C]

:-\ Is there any war in it?

I don't usually like fiction where people don't get shot or stabbed anymore.

Hmm. To be fair, not a great deal actually happens, per se. Things just, well, are.

The glw says if you're after recommendations, you should read The Western Wind.

How about Beevor's Arnhem?

[Burney]

But also, when is that lazy fat cow going to finish her fúcking book? Fúck's sake.

Mantel, I mean. The first two were excellent on audiobook and lasted for hours. Days.

Dunno. They did go on, didn't they? That's the trouble with Audible. When you drive a lot, you start to value the books by length more than anything else. I got The Crimson Petal And The White (about Victorian hooers and that) and it was 41 hrs 32 minutes :cloud9: Proper value, that. Wasn't too bad, either. Lots of anal.

[Sir C]

Dunno. They did go on, didn't they? That's the trouble with Audible. When you drive a lot, you start to value the books by length more than anything else. I got The Crimson Petal And The White (about Victorian hooers and that) and it was 41 hrs 32 minutes :cloud9: Proper value, that. Wasn't too bad, either. Lots of anal.

Also, I'm currently very much enjoying The 21 Escapres of Lt Alastair Cram. Proper order.

[Burney]

Hmm. To be fair, not a great deal actually happens, per se. Things just, well, are.

The glw says if you're after recommendations, you should read The Western Wind.

How about Beevor's Arnhem?

That sounds quite good, but it's only 10 hours.

Done Arnhem. It got a bit depressing. I prefer the books where the Germans lose.

[Burney]

Also, I'm currently very much enjoying The 21 Escapres of Lt Alastair Cram. Proper order.

The title spoils the suspense a bit for the first 20, don't you think? :-(

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Who knew that was a thing?

If you'll only read a book by a bint if it's got a ghostie in it, then Wuthering Heights would count. It's also absolutely ****ing stunning. We listened to an adaptation on R4 last year and we loved it so much we kept playing the Kate Bush song for weeks.

I got her a Wuthering Heights umbrella for Xmas. It's orange, like the cover of the Penguin book.

Did you know the song was the first no.1 in the UK both written and performed by a bint? As a British feminist, it makes me proud that the spirit of Britannia connects them in this way.

I love C19th lit but while the Frogs and Ruskies have as good male authors as well do, none of them let the totty write. There's no French Brontë or Ruskie Austen.

[Burney]

If you'll only read a book by a bint if it's got a ghostie in it, then Wuthering Heights would count. It's also absolutely ****ing stunning. We listened to an adaptation on R4 last year and we loved it so much we kept playing the Kate Bush song for weeks.

I got her a Wuthering Heights umbrella for Xmas. It's orange, like the cover of the Penguin book.

Did you know the song was the first no.1 in the UK both written and performed by a bint? As a British feminist, it makes me proud that the spirit of Britannia connects them in this way.

I love C19th lit but while the Frogs and Ruskies have as good male authors as well do, none of them let the totty write. There's no French Brontë or Ruskie Austen.

A clever narrative structure, but Heathcliff isn’t an actual, recognisable male character. He’s a 30 year-old frustrated virgin spinster’s wànk fantasy.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

A clever narrative structure, but Heathcliff isn’t an actual, recognisable male character. He’s a 30 year-old frustrated virgin spinster’s wànk fantasy.

He' a cünt. And he's a northerner. 100% believable in my book.

[Burney]

He' a cünt. And he's a northerner. 100% believable in my book.

Exactly. In real life a man who was that much of a cùnt would have struggled to make it past his 20th birthday. He'd have been quietly beaten to death and dumped on t'moor. Nobody at any point explains how he went about making his fortune despite his singular lack of interpersonal skills or discernible talent. He's just a bit of a cypher and is profoundly unconvincing.

[Sir C]

If you'll only read a book by a bint if it's got a ghostie in it, then Wuthering Heights would count. It's also absolutely ****ing stunning. We listened to an adaptation on R4 last year and we loved it so much we kept playing the Kate Bush song for weeks.

I got her a Wuthering Heights umbrella for Xmas. It's orange, like the cover of the Penguin book.

Did you know the song was the first no.1 in the UK both written and performed by a bint? As a British feminist, it makes me proud that the spirit of Britannia connects them in this way.

I love C19th lit but while the Frogs and Ruskies have as good male authors as well do, none of them let the totty write. There's no French Brontë or Ruskie Austen.

Wuthering Heights is turgid bóllocks. I'd rather read Jilly Cooper, at least that would give berni the horn.

[Burney]

Wuthering Heights is turgid bóllocks. I'd rather read Jilly Cooper, at least that would give berni the horn.

I've never actually read a Jilly Cooper book, but I can't help but feel that I would struggle to become turgid if I did so, since the image of Jilly Cooper would keep appearing in my mind. And the thought of Jilly Cooper in the nip would make a steel girder flaccid. :-(

[Sir C]

I've never actually read a Jilly Cooper book, but I can't help but feel that I would struggle to become turgid if I did so, since the image of Jilly Cooper would keep appearing in my mind. And the thought of Jilly Cooper in the nip would make a steel girder flaccid. :-(

She's the one with the teeth, isn't she? Writes about racehorses? Or is that the one who always wears pink? Sister of Joan Collins? Literature is hard, b, isn't it?

[Burney]

She's the one with the teeth, isn't she? Writes about racehorses? Or is that the one who always wears pink? Sister of Joan Collins? Literature is hard, b, isn't it?

Well, yes it is. It's very difficult to keep track of who's who. All too easy to get your Balzac tangled up with your Dick. This is why those of us what have studied literature at a certain level are so highly regarded, y'see?

[IUFG]

This is why those of us what have studied literature at a certain level are so highly regarded, y'see?

When I watch University Challenge, I always roll my eyes when the wierdo says they are studying either a) English Literature or b) Classics. Do a proper subject FFS.

[Burney]

When I watch University Challenge, I always roll my eyes when the wierdo says they are studying either a) English Literature or b) Classics. Do a proper subject FFS.

But those are proper subjects. Indeed, Classics (along with theology) was literally all one was allowed to study at universities for hundreds of years.

It's a relatively recent development that universities have seen it as their business to study the rather grubby physical world rather than devote itself to higher matters and the improvement of the individual. As for ghastly things like engineering, this is what polytechnics were designed for.

[IUFG]

But those are proper subjects. Indeed, Classics (along with theology) was literally all one was allowed to study at universities for hundreds of years.

It's a relatively recent development that universities have seen it as their business to study the rather grubby physical world rather than devote itself to higher matters and the improvement of the individual. As for ghastly things like engineering, this is what polytechnics were designed for.

Indeed.

Anachronistic.

Greek and Roman gods, etc, is for your toilet reading

[Burney]

Indeed.

Anachronistic.

Greek and Roman gods, etc, is for your toilet reading

The proper study of man is man, iufg. That's why they're called humanities.

[IUFG]

The proper study of man is man, iufg. That's why they're called humanities.

It is what the pseudo-intellectuals who couldn't grasp mathematics did, istr ;-)

That and History.

[Burney]

It is what the pseudo-intellectuals who couldn't grasp mathematics did, istr ;-)

That and History.

Be honest, i. By 'pseudo-intellectuals', you mean 'guys with charm, good hygiene and interpersonal skills who got chicks', don't you? :-(

[IUFG]

Be honest, i. By 'pseudo-intellectuals', you mean 'guys with charm, good hygiene and interpersonal skills who got chicks', don't you? :-(

they only got the type of chicks I wasn't interested in.

[Burney]

they only got the type of chicks I wasn't interested in.

:hehe: Righto. ;-)

[IUFG]

:hehe: Righto. ;-)

Local girls was where it was at, b.

Down the seedy Chicago House music club :music:

happy daze

[Sir C]

Be honest, i. By 'pseudo-intellectuals', you mean 'guys with charm, good hygiene and interpersonal skills who got chicks', don't you? :-(

I must confess, the filthy strumpets upon whom my lascivious gaze used to fall were rarely interested in the finer points of the western canon. The dirty bitches.

I punished them b. By Christ's tits I punished them!

[Burney]

I must confess, the filthy strumpets upon whom my lascivious gaze used to fall were rarely interested in the finer points of the western canon. The dirty bitches.

I punished them b. By Christ's tits I punished them!

Hmmm. I worry that you may go to your maker not fully shriven for these sins. When was your last confession? After all, sine confessionis fusione non fit remissio and all that.

[Sir C]

Hmmm. I worry that you may go to your maker not fully shriven for these sins. When was your last confession? After all, sine confessionis fusione non fit remissio and all that.

I know this, actually. I had my confession heard the day before my father's funeral, so that I could take communion at the service. You know, for my mum's sake.

Confession won't help me now though, will it? I'm an adulterer. I've basically shot my bolt when it comes to the Lord's compassion.

[Burney]

I know this, actually. I had my confession heard the day before my father's funeral, so that I could take communion at the service. You know, for my mum's sake.

Confession won't help me now though, will it? I'm an adulterer. I've basically shot my bolt when it comes to the Lord's compassion.

Oh, no. He's very forgiving about that sort of thing generally. It's the divorce that's the real problem. But even that's not insurmountable. All you need to do is ensure that you outlive your ex-wife and then divorce your current one and remarry in a Catholic service. Bish-bosh, you can be confessed and take communion. Job's a good'un.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Exactly. In real life a man who was that much of a cùnt would have struggled to make it past his 20th birthday. He'd have been quietly beaten to death and dumped on t'moor. Nobody at any point explains how he went about making his fortune despite his singular lack of interpersonal skills or discernible talent. He's just a bit of a cypher and is profoundly unconvincing.

Good word b. The next time I find myself at loggerheads with some irritating pseud at the dinner party table, I shall say "You are nothing more than a cypher and you are profoundly unconvincing!" and I shall watch him or her wilt.

[Burney]

Good word b. The next time I find myself at loggerheads with some irritating pseud at the dinner party table, I shall say "You are nothing more than a cypher and you are profoundly unconvincing!" and I shall watch him or her wilt.

:nod: One note of caution, though, h. If you do this in mixed company, don't forget to make sure you're wearing wellies, as the effect of this sort of thing on the ladies present will mean you will be ankle deep in fanny batter in no time.

[Sir C]

Oh, no. He's very forgiving about that sort of thing generally. It's the divorce that's the real problem. But even that's not insurmountable. All you need to do is ensure that you outlive your ex-wife and then divorce your current one and remarry in a Catholic service. Bish-bosh, you can be confessed and take communion. Job's a good'un.

I shall immediately adopt this plan, b. My immortal soul thanks you.

[Burney]

I shall immediately adopt this plan, b. My immortal soul thanks you.

:thumbup: No problem. This is the thing, you see. Too many priests these days behave like they're there to act as moral arbiters when in fact they should see themselves as equivalent to a good lawyer or accountant - there to use their professional skills to help their clients find the loopholes that get them out of the shít. There's a good business in it, I reckon.

[IUFG]

:thumbup: No problem. This is the thing, you see. Too many priests these days behave like they're there to act as moral arbiters when in fact they should see themselves as equivalent to a good lawyer or accountant - there to use their professional skills to help their clients find the loopholes that get them out of the shít. There's a good business in it, I reckon.

ah, but...too many of them are spending their time trying to get themselves out of their own shít than actually helping their clients.

If you believe that sort of thing, denounce it and defect to the other side on your deathbed, imo

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

It is what the pseudo-intellectuals who couldn't grasp mathematics did, istr ;-)

That and History.

OI! Some of us historians can do maths. Helpful for analysing the historical economic data and the like.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

I know this, actually. I had my confession heard the day before my father's funeral, so that I could take communion at the service. You know, for my mum's sake.

Confession won't help me now though, will it? I'm an adulterer. I've basically shot my bolt when it comes to the Lord's compassion.

Look at the temple carvings in India - Shiva, Parvati and Crew are bang up for it.

You have 7 Chakras. The highest, on the crown of your head, connects you straight up to the Divine. That's why it's good to get off your tits to make it easier, hence all the sadhus caning chillums of charas.

But if you don't have access to top drawer hallucinogens and/or you're not very good/used to being on the spiritual plane, you can also connect with the Divine through your first, lowest chakra which deals with the genitals.

God is pure Love so (S)He wants you to get your end away, cos you will hopefully experience the feeling of love, even if it's just "I love her tits and I love the feeling of shooting my load on them."

So the more shagging you do, not only do you get closer to God, but you raise the consciousness level of humanity as a whole leading to our species' spiritual evolution.

The temple carvings are full of all sorts - threesomes, blowjobs, anal, weird positions that my body would struggle to get into.

Convert, C. Leave behind these moralistic guilt trips imposed by a patriarchal nobility who didn't want the plebs nobbing their totty.

Embrace the religion of sex, drugs and higher planes of consciousness.

[Sir C]

Look at the temple carvings in India - Shiva, Parvati and Crew are bang up for it.

You have 7 Chakras. The highest, on the crown of your head, connects you straight up to the Divine. That's why it's good to get off your tits to make it easier, hence all the sadhus caning chillums of charas.

But if you don't have access to top drawer hallucinogens and/or you're not very good/used to being on the spiritual plane, you can also connect with the Divine through your first, lowest chakra which deals with the genitals.

God is pure Love so (S)He wants you to get your end away, cos you will hopefully experience the feeling of love, even if it's just "I love her tits and I love the feeling of shooting my load on them."

So the more shagging you do, not only do you get closer to God, but you raise the consciousness level of humanity as a whole leading to our species' spiritual evolution.

The temple carvings are full of all sorts - threesomes, blowjobs, anal, weird positions that my body would struggle to get into.

Convert, C. Leave behind these moralistic guilt trips imposed by a patriarchal nobility who didn't want the plebs nobbing their totty.

Embrace the religion of sex, drugs and higher planes of consciousness.

I’m sure you’re right, g, but these days I’m with Oy George in this matter. No, not chained to his radiator, I’d just prefer a cup of tea.

[Burney]

I’m sure you’re right, g, but these days I’m with Oy George in this matter. No, not chained to his radiator, I’d just prefer a cup of tea.

‘Oy George’? Did he convert for Jon, then?