I don't feel I ask for much in life, but it would be *quite* nice if Spurs stopped

[Monty92]

winning football matches quite so frequently :-(

[Burney]

winning football matches quite so frequently :-(

Agreed. Although if they could have their best side, best manager and best performances in 50 years and still win sweet fùck all, it would be quite funny. However, that's the long game.

[Pat Vegas]

winning football matches quite so frequently :-(

Pat Vegas's report.
I know Wembley is not a good gauge of atmosphere (particularly midweek) but their fans are boring.
zero atmosphere they sang 3 songs all night.

Highlight of the whole evening was the champions league music they play before kick off.

[PSRB]

Pat Vegas's report.
I know Wembley is not a good gauge of atmosphere (particularly midweek) but their fans are boring.
zero atmosphere they sang 3 songs all night.

Highlight of the whole evening was the champions league music they play before kick off.

All about the Europa League these days, much better competition.......

[Pat Vegas]

All about the Europa League these days, much better competition.......

I quite like apart from the silly kick off times.

[Sir C]

Pat Vegas's report.
I know Wembley is not a good gauge of atmosphere (particularly midweek) but their fans are boring.
zero atmosphere they sang 3 songs all night.

Highlight of the whole evening was the champions league music they play before kick off.

What time did you get home? Did you have to get on a train with loads of... y'know... that lot?

[Pat Vegas]

What time did you get home? Did you have to get on a train with loads of... y'know... that lot?

I left immediately after they scored.
Whilst they wait for the boring Metorpolitan line I jumped on empty Jubilee line train and went to West ham to catch a train.

Was back by 23:15 :cloud9:

[PSRB]

I quite like apart from the silly kick off times.

Got those in the CL as well

[IUFG]

Agreed. Although if they could have their best side, best manager and best performances in 50 years and still win sweet fùck all, it would be quite funny. However, that's the long game.

Spurs won't win anything, again, this season.

Their current manager (who also has not won a fúcking bean) will be off. The new contract is to increase the compensation.

They'll be back to Christian Gross types whilst they are crippled by mounting debt :cloud9:

:fingerscrossed:

[Monty92]

What time did you get home? Did you have to get on a train with loads of... y'know... that lot?

After we won the league at their place in 2004 and I'd been separated from my friends having been chased through the streets around the stadium, I found myself at Tottenham Hale. I got on a train absolutely heaving with them, all excitedly talking about what they were gonna do to any Gooner they encountered at Liverpool Street.

I've never felt more grateful for looking a bit foreign :-(

[Burney]

After we won the league at their place in 2004 and I'd been separated from my friends having been chased through the streets around the stadium, I found myself at Tottenham Hale. I got on a train absolutely heaving with them, all excitedly talking about what they were gonna do to any Gooner they encountered at Liverpool Street.

I've never felt more grateful for looking a bit foreign :-(

You seem to have spent a lot of time in your life being chased through the streets of North London.

Maybe you should move?

[Pat Vegas]

You seem to have spent a lot of time in your life being chased through the streets of North London.

Maybe you should move?

I can't recommend it enough.

[Monty92]

You seem to have spent a lot of time in your life being chased through the streets of North London.

Maybe you should move?

We are, to Kent, to live among bigoted UKIP voters who probably hate Jews and metropolitan Londoners in equal measure :-\

[Burney]

We are, to Kent, to live among bigoted UKIP voters who probably hate Jews and metropolitan Londoners in equal measure :-\

I don't think your average Kent resident gives a flying one about Jews these days. They've got asylum seekers and pikeys to worry about.

[Sir C]

We are, to Kent, to live among bigoted UKIP voters who probably hate Jews and metropolitan Londoners in equal measure :-\

I went to Faversham the other day. Never been before, despite living in Kent most of my life. What a delightful, charming, prosperous little town! I was blown away. If it weren't for the call of the fells, I would consider moving there.

And it's got this place nearby: https://macknade.com/

[Burney]

I went to Faversham the other day. Never been before, despite living in Kent most of my life. What a delightful, charming, prosperous little town! I was blown away. If it weren't for the call of the fells, I would consider moving there.

And it's got this place nearby: https://macknade.com/

It is lovely. Sadly, the local brewery produces awful písswater. Shepherd Neame. Shockingly bad beer.

[Monty92]

I went to Faversham the other day. Never been before, despite living in Kent most of my life. What a delightful, charming, prosperous little town! I was blown away. If it weren't for the call of the fells, I would consider moving there.

And it's got this place nearby: https://macknade.com/

Nice, ain't it!

We have our eye on a great house, but might be about £50k short. I don't suppose you....I mean....I know you're a man of wealth...and, we've known each other along time.....and frankly I'd suck you till it falls off if you could just....well, just PM if you like, eh?

And yes, it is a bit of a foodie mecca. I bet you can find some great pizza there :nod:

[Monty92]

It is lovely. Sadly, the local brewery produces awful písswater. Shepherd Neame. Shockingly bad beer.

They seem to own every ****ing pub in the town, too.

[Burney]

Nice, ain't it!

We have our eye on a great house, but might be about £50k short. I don't suppose you....I mean....I know you're a man of wealth...and, we've known each other along time.....and frankly I'd suck you till it falls off if you could just....well, just PM if you like, eh?

And yes, it is a bit of a foodie mecca. I bet you can find some great pizza there :nod:

Sir C buys his pizza in a retail car park in St Mary Cray. True story.

[Burney]

They seem to own every ****ing pub in the town, too.

Exactly my problem with them. You can't get a decent pint anywhere in Faversham as a result. It's the same issue with McMullen's in Hertford. Lovely town, but there is only one independent pub that doesn't serve their truly awful, weak filth.

[Monty92]

Exactly my problem with them. You can't get a decent pint anywhere in Faversham as a result. It's the same issue with McMullen's in Hertford. Lovely town, but there is only one independent pub that doesn't serve their truly awful, weak filth.

That is annoying. I was thinking that transitioning to a more leisurely pace of life could be the perfect excuse I need to learn how to use pubs properly.

Real ale and psychedelics - retirement is gonna be ace :cloud9:

[Sir C]

Nice, ain't it!

We have our eye on a great house, but might be about £50k short. I don't suppose you....I mean....I know you're a man of wealth...and, we've known each other along time.....and frankly I'd suck you till it falls off if you could just....well, just PM if you like, eh?

And yes, it is a bit of a foodie mecca. I bet you can find some great pizza there :nod:

£50k's neither here nor there in the scheme of things, though. Just ask your mum.

On Sunday they had a little market in the square and the Salvation Army band was playing and it was all quite magical.

I may go for a weekend there.

[Monty92]

£50k's neither here nor there in the scheme of things, though. Just ask your mum.

On Sunday they had a little market in the square and the Salvation Army band was playing and it was all quite magical.

I may go for a weekend there.

There was a hop festival going on the first time we visited.

Every other shop is an independent artisanal cheesemaker or some such.

It's like having the best of London, but with fewer black people :cloud9:

[Sir C]

Sir C buys his pizza in a retail car park in St Mary Cray. True story.

Actually I'm off pizza.

[Burney]

There was a hop festival going on the first time we visited.

Every other shop is an independent artisanal cheesemaker or some such.

It's like having the best of London, but with fewer black people :cloud9:

:nod: It's lovely living out in the country. Mind you, my bit of it does have rather too many Tottenham fans.

[Burney]

Actually I'm off pizza.

Of course you are. Because it's meh. :nod:

Talking of retail car parks, I found out the other day that a chap I work with used to be a keen dogger until he saw the light. I really didn't know how to respond when he told me. I mean, what can you say? :-(

[IUFG]

:nod: It's lovely living out in the country. Mind you, my bit of it does have rather too many Tottenham fans.

Hertford? Full of them. My GLW's family included. Hetford does appear to be a north London overspill.

Around here also seems to be full of them. Although a smattering of Gooners too.

My village was a potential destination on Escape to the Country the other week. A couple moving out of London desperate to live in Suffolk.

They ended up in Thetford.

Thetford, Norfolk.

[Burney]

Hertford? Full of them. My GLW's family included. Hetford does appear to be a north London overspill.

Around here also seems to be full of them. Although a smattering of Gooners too.

My village was a potential destination on Escape to the Country the other week. A couple moving out of London desperate to live in Suffolk.

They ended up in Thetford.

Thetford, Norfolk.

Ooooh, Thetford is not nice. :-( I remember waiting for a train and going into the pub nearest the station. I'd say I was looked at as though I had two heads, but I suspect that having superfluous body parts would actually have made me fit in rather better.

[Sir C]

Of course you are. Because it's meh. :nod:

Talking of retail car parks, I found out the other day that a chap I work with used to be a keen dogger until he saw the light. I really didn't know how to respond when he told me. I mean, what can you say? :-(

I have a confession to make with regard to dogging: I don't know what it means.

I understand that there is a sexytime element, and a car park element. Beyond that, I've never ascertained the details.

[Burney]

I have a confession to make with regard to dogging: I don't know what it means.

I understand that there is a sexytime element, and a car park element. Beyond that, I've never ascertained the details.

Basically, random strangers turn up in a car park, flash their lights at one another and either have sex with some rough old sort in the backseat of a mid-range 4x4 or wânk while watching someone else do so.

[Monty92]

I have a confession to make with regard to dogging: I don't know what it means.

I understand that there is a sexytime element, and a car park element. Beyond that, I've never ascertained the details.

It's pretty simple. You drive to wooded areas and **** strangers. You can do it in the car if it's a bit chilly, but if the weather permits you tend to do it up against trees or on the bonnet.

Would you like to attend with me one day? No pressure - you can stay in the car and masturbate if you don't feel comfortable.

[Sir C]

It's pretty simple. You drive to wooded areas and **** strangers. You can do it in the car if it's a bit chilly, but if the weather permits you tend to do it up against trees or on the bonnet.

Would you like to attend with me one day? No pressure - you can stay in the car and masturbate if you don't feel comfortable.

It sounds rather splendid. I'd be delighted to come along and offer moral support; as you know, my days of engaging in such activities are well behind me now.

Except when I'm shovelling it up your mum, naturally.

[Sir C]

Basically, random strangers turn up in a car park, flash their lights at one another and either have sex with some rough old sort in the backseat of a mid-range 4x4 or wânk while watching someone else do so.

So a vehicle flashes you. You leave your car and wander over. Behind the wheel is a bearded man called Kelvin. Sounds... awkward. :shrug:

[Burney]

So a vehicle flashes you. You leave your car and wander over. Behind the wheel is a bearded man called Kelvin. Sounds... awkward. :shrug:

:nod: Hopefully, Kelvin will have brought his cùnt-ugly wife for you to have a go on. However, one imagines that a lot of the time these gatherings just involve a lot of men standing around desperately hoping someone brings along a woman.

[Burney]

It sounds rather splendid. I'd be delighted to come along and offer moral support; as you know, my days of engaging in such activities are well behind me now.

Except when I'm shovelling it up your mum, naturally.

There's nothing natural about the way you shovel it up Monty's mum. :yikes:

[Sir C]

:nod: Hopefully, Kelvin will have brought his cùnt-ugly wife for you to have a go on. However, one imagines that a lot of the time these gatherings just involve a lot of men standing around desperately hoping someone brings along a woman.

I don't want to bone Kelvin's wife while Kelvin's there. That would be embarrassing.

[Burney]

I don't want to bone Kelvin's wife while Kelvin's there. That would be embarrassing.

Well nor would I. But we must assume that Kelvin and his glw are bang up for that sort of thing and - given your presence at this event - so are you.

I think Kelvin's presence would be the least of your worries, tbh. Looking up from the act and seeing Kelvin and chums knocking one out to your performance would at the very least put a chap off his stroke, you'd have thought.

[Sir C]

Well nor would I. But we must assume that Kelvin and his glw are bang up for that sort of thing and - given your presence at this event - so are you.

I think Kelvin's presence would be the least of your worries, tbh. Looking up from the act and seeing Kelvin and chums knocking one out to your performance would at the very least put a chap off his stroke, you'd have thought.

Imagine scanning the faces of the assembled onanists, only to double take and extend the hand of greeting. "Monty! My dear old chap, how delightful to see you! What brings you here?"

[Burney]

Imagine scanning the faces of the assembled onanists, only to double take and extend the hand of greeting. "Monty! My dear old chap, how delightful to see you! What brings you here?"

I think it's afterwards that would be difficult. After all, in the heat of the moment these things are all very well, but in the clammy, reasty aftermath as one extracts oneself from this women and she reaches for the wet wipes, what does one do? Simply button up one's fly, nod at the assembled throng while studiously avoiding eye contact and scuttle back to one's vehicle?

[Sir C]

I think it's afterwards that would be difficult. After all, in the heat of the moment these things are all very well, but in the clammy, reasty aftermath as one extracts oneself from this women and she reaches for the wet wipes, what does one do? Simply button up one's fly, nod at the assembled throng while studiously avoiding eye contact and scuttle back to one's vehicle?

Perhaps one should behave in the approived manner for stepping back from the urinal: a postern blast and a rousing cry of 'Better out than in!'

[Burney]

Perhaps one should behave in the approived manner for stepping back from the urinal: a postern blast and a rousing cry of 'Better out than in!'

To be honest, the whole thing sounds awful. I can’t really understand why anyone would put themselves through such a thing for the sake of an orgasm.
But there we are. Takes all sorts, I suppose.

[Sir C]

To be honest, the whole thing sounds awful. I can’t really understand why anyone would put themselves through such a thing for the sake of an orgasm.
But there we are. Takes all sorts, I suppose.

That Kelvin always was a dirty bugger.

[Burney]

That Kelvin always was a dirty bugger.

Talking of which, have you seen all the feigned shock that McDonald's touchscreen menus are all covered in shíte?

I mean a/ everything's got a bit of shíte on it if you look hard enough and b/ did anyone really imagine that something repeatedly touched by the sort of people who regularly frequent McDonald's wouldn't be covered in shíte?

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Post finale must be a bit awkward.
Do the watchers applaud?
Rate the performance?
I imagine it entails not one word passed between mystery shaggers