I have virtually bankrupted myself in purchasing a house in Wimbledon... The whole

[Rich]

thing needs ripping out and replacing really. In a right state. I have two questions, however:

1. Which pubs in Wimbledon must I frequent?
2. Is it possible for a man to get by on just GBP600 to spend on himself per month? :-(

[WES]

thing needs ripping out and replacing really. In a right state. I have two questions, however:

1. Which pubs in Wimbledon must I frequent?
2. Is it possible for a man to get by on just GBP600 to spend on himself per month? :-(

Are you in the village or down the hill?

[IUFG]

thing needs ripping out and replacing really. In a right state. I have two questions, however:

1. Which pubs in Wimbledon must I frequent?
2. Is it possible for a man to get by on just GBP600 to spend on himself per month? :-(

Having a spare GBP600 every month doesn't really sound like bankruptcy territory, r

[Rich]

Are you in the village or down the hill?

Towards the Village/common. Just down the hill slightly from the Hand In Hand pub and some school.

[Rich]

Having a spare GBP600 every month doesn't really sound like bankruptcy territory, r

That's not spare - that's the money I'm budgeting to do the things I like with. All of my spare cash is going to builders & kitchen/bathroom fitters (or other tradesmen that most likely won't take the boots off at the door) :-(

[WES]

That's not spare - that's the money I'm budgeting to do the things I like with. All of my spare cash is going to builders & kitchen/bathroom fitters (or other tradesmen that most likely won't take the boots off at the door) :-(

If that includes food Rich, you're f*cked. F*cked in the sense that you need to think about a monk style of living.

[Rich]

If that includes food Rich, you're f*cked. F*cked in the sense that you need to think about a monk style of living.

Food has been budgeted for separately - this is purely my beer/leisure money. But it's going to mean imposing austerity measures on myself. I might have to start buying wine from Tesco.

[Sir C]

thing needs ripping out and replacing really. In a right state. I have two questions, however:

1. Which pubs in Wimbledon must I frequent?
2. Is it possible for a man to get by on just GBP600 to spend on himself per month? :-(

That doesn't include booze, of course? £600 is only 30 bottles of decent claret. That's a just one bottle a day! :hehe:

[IUFG]

If that includes food Rich, you're f*cked. F*cked in the sense that you need to think about a monk style of living.

If the £600 is living AND development money then, as you say, r is royally fúcked.

[IUFG]

Food has been budgeted for separately - this is purely my beer/leisure money. But it's going to mean imposing austerity measures on myself. I might have to start buying wine from Tesco.

So you're not fúcked or bankrupt then.
Jeez

[Rich]

That doesn't include booze, of course? £600 is only 30 bottles of decent claret. That's a just one bottle a day! :hehe:

I'm afraid it does include booze. I'll just have to make do with a case of Carling from Asda each week.

[IUFG]

I'm afraid it does include booze. I'll just have to make do with a case of Carling from Asda each week.

Carling?

Carling? :redcard:

fúck right off, r. Financially, things NEVER get so bad that Carling is considered.

[SWv2]

Food has been budgeted for separately - this is purely my beer/leisure money. But it's going to mean imposing austerity measures on myself. I might have to start buying wine from Tesco.

Best and indeed only advice I am going to give you is to try and stop being a complete ****.

[Rich]

Carling?

Carling? :redcard:

fúck right off, r. Financially, things NEVER get so bad that Carling is considered.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

[Rich]

Best and indeed only advice I am going to give you is to try and stop being a complete ****.

I don't think you'll find that GBP600 goes as far as it might in Ireland, SW. A family of four could probably dine out on GBP600 every day for a month in Ireland!!

[Burney]

That's not spare - that's the money I'm budgeting to do the things I like with. All of my spare cash is going to builders & kitchen/bathroom fitters (or other tradesmen that most likely won't take the boots off at the door) :-(

HAHAHAHAHA! You're going to let them sh1t in your lavatory, aren't you? You're going to let working class men place their hairy, unwashed buttocks on your lavatory seat and void the foul contents of their bowels into the pristine porcelain that should be the sole preserve of you, your lady and your friends and family.

That stain will never wash off, r. Never.

[IUFG]

HAHAHAHAHA! You're going to let them sh1t in your lavatory, aren't you? You're going to let working class men place their hairy, unwashed buttocks on your lavatory seat and void the foul contents of their bowels into the pristine porcelain that should be the sole preserve of you, your lady and your friends and family.

That stain will never wash off, r. Never.

I appreciate the technical skills of some of the building trade, b, and indeed some of the specialist equipment they use.

Which makes it all the more mystifying why they can't work a simple, fúcking toilet brush. :shudder:

[Burney]

I appreciate the technical skills of some of the building trade, b, and indeed some of the specialist equipment they use.

Which makes it all the more mystifying why they can't work a simple, fúcking toilet brush. :shudder:

In my experience, iufg, many of them seem not to understand that lavatories flush.

[Rich]

HAHAHAHAHA! You're going to let them sh1t in your lavatory, aren't you? You're going to let working class men place their hairy, unwashed buttocks on your lavatory seat and void the foul contents of their bowels into the pristine porcelain that should be the sole preserve of you, your lady and your friends and family.

That stain will never wash off, r. Never.
:-( :sick: One came in at the weekend (didn't remove filthy, dusty boots even though the carpets are all coming out). He had three sugars in his tea, sat on the worktop without being invited to do so and flicked ash from his cigarette on my driveway :-(

[IUFG]

In my experience, iufg, many of them seem not to understand that lavatories flush.

I've only had builders who have left the pan looking somewhat like the approach to Druids corner.

Never leaving it like a Canadian lake

[IUFG]

...and flicked ash from his cigarette on my driveway :-(

:rolleyes:

[Burney]

I've only had builders who have left the pan looking somewhat like the approach to Druids corner.

Never leaving it like a Canadian lake

Oh, I'm not talking about tradesmen. They may not use my lavatory. I'm very strict about it.

I'm talking about when I used to work in an office on the ground floor of a building and share a lavatory with the warehousemen.

I saw things, iufg. Terrible things. :shudder: :-(

[Burney]

:-( :sick: One came in at the weekend (didn't remove filthy, dusty boots even though the carpets are all coming out). He had three sugars in his tea, sat on the worktop without being invited to do so and flicked ash from his cigarette on my driveway :-(

You'll have to buy a new lavatory seat, r. Burn the old one.

[Rich]

Oh, I'm not talking about tradesmen. They may not use my lavatory. I'm very strict about it.

I'm talking about when I used to work in an office on the ground floor of a building and share a lavatory with the warehousemen.

I saw things, iufg. Terrible things. :shudder: :-(

Quite genuinely, I think I will get a portaloo for the driveway. There are going to be swarms of them all over my house and it will minimise grub if I lock the bogs and only allow them to go outside. Like animals.

[IUFG]

I saw things, iufg. Terrible things. :shudder: :-(

I remember years ago, someone left the trap toilet in a less than desirable manner and after several hours of complaints, the General Manager went in with a carrier bag and retrieved a huge jobby from the pan and went outside and threw it in a nearby skip.

nigh on 30 years ago, that must have been. Still vivid in my mind :-(

[Sir C]

I remember years ago, someone left the trap toilet in a less than desirable manner and after several hours of complaints, the General Manager went in with a carrier bag and retrieved a huge jobby from the pan and went outside and threw it in a nearby skip.

nigh on 30 years ago, that must have been. Still vivid in my mind :-(

We had a similar situation some years ago.

I stepped in and dealt with it by carving the offending jobbie into manageable chunks with a bread knife.

I still shudder to this day when I use that knife :-(

[Burney]

I remember years ago, someone left the trap toilet in a less than desirable manner and after several hours of complaints, the General Manager went in with a carrier bag and retrieved a huge jobby from the pan and went outside and threw it in a nearby skip.

nigh on 30 years ago, that must have been. Still vivid in my mind :-(

An email had to go around the other month because someone had literally sprayed sh1t all over the inside of the lavatory door. The toilet was untouched. Exercising my Hercule Poirot-like little grey cells, I could only conclude that some poor chap had been caught with une crise d'estomac, got into the lavatory, pulled down his trousers, but failed to turn around and sit down in time.
However, that doesn't explain why he would then have left the lavatory in that condition, presumably cleaned himself up and then gone and resumed his seat to work again. Terrifying what human beings are capable of doing, isn't it? :-(

[Burney]

We had a similar situation some years ago.

I stepped in and dealt with it by carving the offending jobbie into manageable chunks with a bread knife.

I still shudder to this day when I use that knife :-(

Who are these people who produce huge, inhuman stools? What do they eat to achieve such prodigious faecal feats? How many days' worth of matter have to build up to produce something that size? Some of these things must feel like you're being fisted backwards, ffs! How do their arseholes cope?

[Sir C]

Who are these people who produce huge, inhuman stools? What do they eat to achieve such prodigious faecal feats? How many days' worth of matter have to build up to produce something that size? Some of these things must feel like you're being fisted backwards, ffs! How do their arseholes cope?

It doesn't bear thinking about, does it? Imagine the starining required to pass such a monster? Consider the concomitant haemorrhoids and the potential for rectal lesions! :yikes:

[Burney]

Quite genuinely, I think I will get a portaloo for the driveway. There are going to be swarms of them all over my house and it will minimise grub if I lock the bogs and only allow them to go outside. Like animals.

Good plan - as long as it doesn't get knocked over. :-(

[Burney]

It doesn't bear thinking about, does it? Imagine the starining required to pass such a monster? Consider the concomitant haemorrhoids and the potential for rectal lesions! :yikes:

I can only assume they never, ever eat fruit or vegetables, so these monsters gestate in their colons for weeks, gaining mass, until finally gravity demands their bloody exit.

[Rich]

I can only assume they never, ever eat fruit or vegetables, so these monsters gestate in their colons for weeks, gaining mass, until finally gravity demands their bloody exit.

:-| :-| Stop now.

[IUFG]

An email had to go around the other month because someone had literally sprayed sh1t all over the inside of the lavatory door.

ah, a job for the Human Resources department, no doubt. :-(

One has to remember, it must be quite embarrassing for someone to own up to slurry spraying the inside of the cubicle.However, what would they have done if someone had come to use the trap straight after they'd finished?

[IUFG]

:-| :-| Stop now.

You must occasionally deal with humans, r, in your line of work.

[Burney]

ah, a job for the Human Resources department, no doubt. :-(

One has to remember, it must be quite embarrassing for someone to own up to slurry spraying the inside of the cubicle.However, what would they have done if someone had come to use the trap straight after they'd finished?

Oh, surely you'd hide in there until you were sure everyone had gone, wouldn't you?

Talking of HR, I've got a nasty feeling I may have to have words with someone about their personal hygiene. Any tips?

[7sisters]

You'll have to buy a new lavatory seat, r. Burn the old one.

The worst I’ve witnessed are the toilets on a hospital ward. Even the floors didn’t escape the ‘decorations’ :puke:

[IUFG]

Talking of HR, I've got a nasty feeling I may have to have words with someone about their personal hygiene. Any tips?

Aha. this old chestnut.

Do it privately (obvs)
Come from you have noticed (not others) the body odour
state the business case - customers, colleagues, etc
Be 'gentle' with them, but direct and to the point, deal with the facts.
ask them what the company can do to help them, etc

maybe approach it from the 'we've noticed you stink, do you have any medical issues that may affect your body odour that we need to be aware of?". possibly change the wording slightly.

Are there any cultural issues to take into consideration, etc?

never an easy one...

[Burney]

Aha. this old chestnut.

Do it privately (obvs)
Come from you have noticed (not others) the body odour
state the business case - customers, colleagues, etc
Be 'gentle' with them, but direct and to the point, deal with the facts.
ask them what the company can do to help them, etc

maybe approach it from the 'we've noticed you stink, do you have any medical issues that may affect your body odour that we need to be aware of?". possibly change the wording slightly.

Are there any cultural issues to take into consideration, etc?

never an easy one...

'Cultural issues'? Do you mean 'Is he a foreigner?' No.

So you think just leaving an anonymous note on his desk isn't the way to go, then? :-(

[IUFG]

So you think just leaving an anonymous note on his desk isn't the way to go, then? :-(

Possibly. With a tin of deodorant, also.












hang on. you might want to put a ribbon around the deodorant.

[Rich]

'Cultural issues'? Do you mean 'Is he a foreigner?' No.

So you think just leaving an anonymous note on his desk isn't the way to go, then? :-(

This is the best approach, for sure. Just make sure you use a printer in case the chap is an expert in handwriting analysis.

[Burney]

Possibly. With a tin of deodorant, also.












hang on. you might want to put a ribbon around the deodorant.

Why? It's not his fvcking birthday.

Honestly, it's times like this that I wish I were the sort of person who was either oblivious to or simply didn't care about other people's feelings. Empathy really is a pain in the arse. It must be so easy to simply be an insensitive boor or a psychopath.

[Burney]

This is the best approach, for sure. Just make sure you use a printer in case the chap is an expert in handwriting analysis.

Bloke couldn't find his arse with both hands and a flashlamp, r. The chances of him possessing such skills are minimal.

[IUFG]

Why? It's not his fvcking birthday.

Honestly, it's times like this that I wish I were the sort of person who was either oblivious to or simply didn't care about other people's feelings. Empathy really is a pain in the arse. It must be so easy to simply be an insensitive boor or a psychopath.

quite.

Go on then. How stinky is this person on a scale of 0-10?

[Burney]

quite.

Go on then. How stinky is this person on a scale of 0-10?

Normally, he's a tolerable 2-3 (if we're taking 0 as baseline non-stinky and minus numbers for smelling great). However, the last few of days he's shot up to a six.

[Tony C]

Create your own YouTube channel.

Just look at the numbers you generate here but you don’t get paid for it.

[7sisters]

Oh, surely you'd hide in there until you were sure everyone had gone, wouldn't you?

Talking of HR, I've got a nasty feeling I may have to have words with someone about their personal hygiene. Any tips?

in the office, with the MD at close quarters. They exchanged greetings as my colleague, on his approach to trap one for his constitutional morning clearout, began to reel with horror at being caught in a fait accompli.
He was unable to abort, as it were, as the trap one door loomed large before him. He had no choice but to enter.
The MD, an absolute bull of a man. German, with the embellishments of having headed up operations for a decade in Australia ( no further explanation should be required, as to his make-up at the point ) aimed straight for trap two.
Not only did my colleague have to sit and wait it out in trap one, while treated to a raucous anal fanfare from the Teutonic CEO but was forced to engage in a discourse over monthly budgets and forecasts.

He later told me that he had to quietly marinate in the aftermath for a good five minutes before braving the lock and his escape for freedom.

[IUFG]

Normally, he's a tolerable 2-3 (if we're taking 0 as baseline non-stinky and minus numbers for smelling great). However, the last few of days he's shot up to a six.

oh well, at least that is a positive to start with.

You can start by telling that 'in the last few days you've noticed...'

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

HAHAHAHAHA! You're going to let them sh1t in your lavatory, aren't you? You're going to let working class men place their hairy, unwashed buttocks on your lavatory seat and void the foul contents of their bowels into the pristine porcelain that should be the sole preserve of you, your lady and your friends and family.

That stain will never wash off, r. Never.

I suspect that conceiving that somewhat lascivious description of a builder's big hairy rear-parts has given you what passes for an erection these days and you'll shortly be off to that shed of yours to draw the curtains :nod:

[Burney]

oh well, at least that is a positive to start with.

You can start by telling that 'in the last few days you've noticed...'

I think I'll wait it out until after the weekend. He might sort himself out in the interim.

[Burney]

in the office, with the MD at close quarters. They exchanged greetings as my colleague, on his approach to trap one for his constitutional morning clearout, began to reel with horror at being caught in a fait accompli.
He was unable to abort, as it were, as the trap one door loomed large before him. He had no choice but to enter.
The MD, an absolute bull of a man. German, with the embellishments of having headed up operations for a decade in Australia ( no further explanation should be required, as to his make-up at the point ) aimed straight for trap two.
Not only did my colleague have to sit and wait it out in trap one, while treated to a raucous anal fanfare from the Teutonic CEO but was forced to engage in a discourse over monthly budgets and forecasts.

He later told me that he had to quietly marinate in the aftermath for a good five minutes before braving the lock and his escape for freedom.

People who talk to other people while sh1tting should just be shot. No trial, no due process, just dragged out into the car park, shot in the back of the head and left for the wild dogs.

[Alberto Balsam Rodriguez]

thing needs ripping out and replacing really. In a right state. I have two questions, however:

1. Which pubs in Wimbledon must I frequent?
2. Is it possible for a man to get by on just GBP600 to spend on himself per month? :-(


Living south of the river should not cost an arm and a leg. I fear you may have been had there, Rich.