You can thnk me for our victory now, if you like.

[Sir C]

I'm making Ikea-style meatballs with thon mustard sauce tonight. Victory is guaranteed. Meatballs is powerful juju.

[Burney]

I'm making Ikea-style meatballs with thon mustard sauce tonight. Victory is guaranteed. Meatballs is powerful juju.

I was watching a programme about IKEA the other day. A very frightened and sweaty man was pretending to run a part of their ideas department. He allowed a truly terrible idea to go to production. The poor chinesers were completely bewildered by it and it was an utter failure. I assume he's been sacked.

[Sir C]

I was watching a programme about IKEA the other day. A very frightened and sweaty man was pretending to run a part of their ideas department. He allowed a truly terrible idea to go to production. The poor chinesers were completely bewildered by it and it was an utter failure. I assume he's been sacked.

They've made a programme about IKEA? There was I thinking this was a golden age of TV. Clearly, we're scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrell.

[Luis Anaconda]

I'm making Ikea-style meatballs with thon mustard sauce tonight. Victory is guaranteed. Meatballs is powerful juju.
Do you think they will play with a flat pack four? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[IUFG]

I was watching a programme about IKEA the other day. A very frightened and sweaty man was pretending to run a part of their ideas department. He allowed a truly terrible idea to go to production. The poor chinesers were completely bewildered by it and it was an utter failure. I assume he's been sacked.

Was that the "uniquely individual vases" that looked worse then a reject?

****ing terrible things. And an even worse idea.

[SWv2]

I'm making Ikea-style meatballs with thon mustard sauce tonight. Victory is guaranteed. Meatballs is powerful juju.

I will wager you have gayed them up, such is your way.

The true essence of the Ikea meatball is that one knows they are cheap and nasty, yet wonderful and fulfilling at the same time. Do you have the lingonberry jam to serve with?

[Burney]

They've made a programme about IKEA? There was I thinking this was a golden age of TV. Clearly, we're scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrell.

It was fascinating in that depressing way that programmes about retail sometimes are. They also showed one opening in some appalling northern ****hole. There was a weird man who'd been involved in all their openings in the UK and was bizarrely enthusiastic and seemed to think everyone else should be, too. Meanwhile they took on a kid so stupid I wouldn't have trusted him to cross the road on his own to work on the shopfloor.

All in all, they didn't come out of it terribly well.

[Sir C]

I will wager you have gayed them up, such is your way.

The true essence of the Ikea meatball is that one knows they are cheap and nasty, yet wonderful and fulfilling at the same time. Do you have the lingonberry jam to serve with?

When you say, 'gayed them up', you mean, 'improved them', don't you?

Actually I have no idea, since I don't know the IKEA recipe. I'm guessing they use a mixture of pork and beef and I have only beef, so perhaps they are less gay.

Jam? On my dinner? Fúck you.

[Burney]

Was that the "uniquely individual vases" that looked worse then a reject?

****ing terrible things. And an even worse idea.

:nod: That was the one. Take a company whose whole business ethos is founded on uniformity and introduce individually fücked-up vases.

I'd have sacked the sweaty little cünt on the spot, tbh.

[Sir C]

Do you think they will play with a flat pack four? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nice one la.

Nice.

[Burney]

When you say, 'gayed them up', you mean, 'improved them', don't you?

Actually I have no idea, since I don't know the IKEA recipe. I'm guessing they use a mixture of pork and beef and I have only beef, so perhaps they are less gay.

Jam? On my dinner? Fúck you.


I've never had an IKEA meatball. Or even a Swedish meatball, tbh. I assume they're just like everyone else's meatballs?

[Burney]

Do you think they will play with a flat pack four? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is fine work, la.

[SWv2]

When you say, 'gayed them up', you mean, 'improved them', don't you?

Actually I have no idea, since I don't know the IKEA recipe. I'm guessing they use a mixture of pork and beef and I have only beef, so perhaps they are less gay.

Jam? On my dinner? Fúck you.

Right, so you are potentially changing the meat element of the dish and not serving the jam yet you are attempting to pass them off as "Ikea-style meatballs".

In summary you're a charlatan.

[Burney]

Right, so you are potentially changing the meat element of the dish and not serving the jam yet you are attempting to pass them off as "Ikea-style meatballs".

In summary you're a charlatan.

They are a bunch of Swedish no-marks, aren't they? Surely we shouldn't even need juju?

[IUFG]

:nod: That was the one. Take a company whose whole business ethos is founded on uniformity and introduce individually fücked-up vases.

I'd have sacked the sweaty little cünt on the spot, tbh.

It was a fascinating insight tbf.

Also, the thick kid who didn't know what most things were. He is a typical example of the brain-dead, mobile staring 'millennial' that is dribbling into the labour market.

Dennis help us!

[Ash]

Do you think they will play with a flat pack four? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A good moment for the old Europa League team or IKEA product quiz.

https://news.paddypower.com/football/2016/10/20/europa-league-ikea-product-quiz-201617/

[Sir C]

I've never had an IKEA meatball. Or even a Swedish meatball, tbh. I assume they're just like everyone else's meatballs?

They come (or used to when I had them 25 years ago) with a mustard cream sauce; that's what makes them Swedish, I think. That and the jam.

[SWv2]

I've never had an IKEA meatball. Or even a Swedish meatball, tbh. I assume they're just like everyone else's meatballs?

Hmmm. Have you ever gone to Ikea?

[Burney]

It was a fascinating insight tbf.

Also, the thick kid who didn't know what most things were. He is a typical example of the brain-dead, mobile staring 'millennial' that is dribbling into he labour market.

Dennis help us!

:nod: Thick as mince. And he got the job! Can you imagine the collection of window-licking subnormals he must have been up against to come out on top?

His poor mum having to drive him to work at 5.30 every morning. She probably considers it worthwhile just to get him out of the house for the day.

[Sir C]

Right, so you are potentially changing the meat element of the dish and not serving the jam yet you are attempting to pass them off as "Ikea-style meatballs".

In summary you're a charlatan.

If you continue trying to make me put jam on my dinner I will find you and I will kill you.

[Burney]

Hmmm. Have you ever gone to Ikea?

I've gone to IKEA. I become disorientated and invariably emerge enraged and in no mood for meatballs. It's like the seventh circle of hell for me, I must admit.

[Burney]

If you continue trying to make me put jam on my dinner I will find you and I will kill you.

I sometimes put a bit of jam in my sauce when I roast a duck leg. Very nice, it is. Cherry or blackcurrant for preference.

[Sir C]

I sometimes put a bit of jam in my sauce when I roast a duck leg. Very nice, it is. Cherry or blackcurrant for preference.

Yes, but you're self-confessed genetically Irish, you repulsive deviant.

[Burney]

They come (or used to when I had them 25 years ago) with a mustard cream sauce; that's what makes them Swedish, I think. That and the jam.

They do serve lingonberry jam with absolutely everything. Basically it's because it's dark half the year and preserved fruit was literally their only source of Vitamin C.

[Sir C]

They do serve lingonberry jam with absolutely everything. Basically it's because it's dark half the year and preserved fruit was literally their only source of Vitamin C.

I have also heard them referred to as cloudberries.

Cloudberries my árse.

[Burney]

Yes, but you're self-confessed genetically Irish, you repulsive deviant.

Canard aux cerises is hardly an Irish dish now, is it? I also make a smashing Raymond Blanc pork loin stuffed with prunes of which you'd probably disapprove.

[SWv2]

I've gone to IKEA. I become disorientated and invariably emerge enraged and in no mood for meatballs. It's like the seventh circle of hell for me, I must admit.

The meatball ending is the only thing that keeps me going as normally any visit I am forced to make is on a Sunday and I invariably have been hungover.

Not unknown for me to lie down on one of the showroom beds, thus spoiling the moment for the eager newly wed home builders as they do up their measurements and plan their blissful future.

[SWv2]

Canard aux cerises is hardly an Irish dish now, is it? I also make a smashing Raymond Blanc pork loin stuffed with prunes of which you'd probably disapprove.

We call it duck you big fúcking gaylord.

[Burney]

I have also heard them referred to as cloudberries.

Cloudberries my árse.

I think they're different, but who really cares?

[Burney]

The meatball ending is the only thing that keeps me going as normally any visit I am forced to make is on a Sunday and I invariably have been hungover.

Not unknown for me to lie down on one of the showroom beds, thus spoiling the moment for the eager newly wed home builders as they do up their measurements and plan their blissful future.

With a raging hangover it's literally one of the worst places on earth. Noisy, hot, disorientating, impossible to escape and highly paranoia-inducing. It could almost be purpose-built to cause panic attacks.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

I go to IKEA to stock up on pencils

[IUFG]

:nod: Thick as mince. And he got the job! Can you imagine the collection of window-licking subnormals he must have been up against to come out on top?

His poor mum having to drive him to work at 5.30 every morning. She probably considers it worthwhile just to get him out of the house for the day.

Didn't the interviewer describe him as 'family orientated'?

Which was, as far I could tell, based purely on the fact the he was going to have to get his mum out of bed at 4.30am every day to get him to work. :-D

[Burney]

Didn't the interviewer describe him as 'family orientated'?

Which was, as far I could tell, based purely on the fact the he was going to have to get his mum out of bed at 4.30am every day to get him to work. :-D

Yes. Either that or because he was clearly the product of incest.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

He had one of those halfway haircuts
Intricate maze job around the back and sides and don't touch the top

[Viva Prat Vegas]

I would like to thank Sir C for our victory last night
His balls worked

[Sir C]

I would like to thank Sir C for our victory last night
His balls worked

It's nice to be appreciated, s.

You would have enjoyed it when I covered my balls in my creamy sauce.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

(Reaches for a glass of water pronto)