Unable, due to time constraints, to visit my usual tonsorial consultant,

[Sir C]

I have today placed my follicles into the tender mercies of a local gentleman of middle-eastern appearance.

He set fire to my fúcking ears. :-(

[Burney]

I have today placed my follicles into the tender mercies of a local gentleman of middle-eastern appearance.

He set fire to my fúcking ears. :-(

:nod: Mine does that to me. Great, isn't it? They love getting rid of hair, do turks. Which is understandable, as they've so much of it.

[Sir C]

:nod: Mine does that to me. Great, isn't it? They love getting rid of hair, do turks. Which is understandable, as they've so much of it.

It was brutal and invasive, much like the way Johnny Turk treated Lawrence of Arabia, just without the bumming.

I suspect he trained as a butcher and picked up his barbering skills from a youtube video.

[Burney]

It was brutal and invasive, much like the way Johnny Turk treated Lawrence of Arabia, just without the bumming.

I suspect he trained as a butcher and picked up his barbering skills from a youtube video.

Did he do your nose hair and eyebrows, too? Hot towels and head, arm and neck massage?

I've had them do all sorts to me.

[Sir C]

Did he do your nose hair and eyebrows, too? Hot towels and head, arm and neck massage?

I've had them do all sorts to me.

I don't wish to think about it any more. I feel violated. And I can smell him or his juice on me.

[Burney]

I don't wish to think about it any more. I feel violated. And I can smell him or his juice on me.

You need to relax and let them have their way with you. Once you loosen up, you start to quite enjoy it.

Mind you, when a Turk has a cutthroat razor to my neck, I do have to force myself to stop thinking of ISIS videos and orange jumpsuits. :-(

[Rich]

I have today placed my follicles into the tender mercies of a local gentleman of middle-eastern appearance.

He set fire to my fúcking ears. :-(

I found myself in a similar situation recently. Did he get a little paper ball on a metal stick, dip it in bright purple liquid & then light it?

Did it on my neck as well, he did. I didn't even sign a consent form.

[Sir C]

I found myself in a similar situation recently. Did he get a little paper ball on a metal stick, dip it in bright purple liquid & then light it?

Did it on my neck as well, he did. I didn't even sign a consent form.

He did. He also did things to my eyebrows.

I'd rather now draw a veil across the whole sordid matter.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Did you see Wesley in the same barber shop ?

[Sir C]

Did you see Wesley in the same barber shop ?

Wesley Sneijder? What with Sneijder meaning 'cutter'? wd s! You have made an excellent Dutch pun.

[Burney]

He did. He also did things to my eyebrows.

I'd rather now draw a veil across the whole sordid matter.

This is the new normal in barber shops imo. The days of an old gentleman in a white coat clipping your barnet in about 3 minutes' flat and then asking you if you wanted something for the weekend are gone, I'm afraid. It's all about Ottoman pampering these days. The ears is the least of it. On one occasion they put a mud mask on me and waxed my nostrils, the cheeky cünts.

[Burney]

Wesley Sneijder? What with Sneijder meaning 'cutter'? wd s! You have made an excellent Dutch pun.

A Dutcher gave me a bottle of something called Schipper Bitter at Christmas because I'd drunk some with him while in Rotterdam and pretended to like it. It is of course, filthy.

[Sir C]

A Dutcher gave me a bottle of something called Schipper Bitter at Christmas because I'd drunk some with him while in Rotterdam and pretended to like it. It is of course, filthy.

I am unfamiliar with this substance, b. For which I am not a little grateful. Still, if it numbs the pain of existence for a few hours, it can't be bad.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Guaranteed to give you the Schipps

A Greek friend gave me a bottle of Ouzu the other year
I don't know whether to drink it or dispose of it
Seems to be evaporating too

[Ash]

A Dutcher gave me a bottle of something called Schipper Bitter at Christmas because I'd drunk some with him while in Rotterdam and pretended to like it. It is of course, filthy.

The perils of politeness. I was once given two bottles of home made Raki-like moonshine by French peasant neighbours of my ex's folks' country retreat after being complimentary about it. :-|

[Sir C]

Guaranteed to give you the Schipps

A Greek friend gave me a bottle of Ouzu the other year
I don't know whether to drink it or dispose of it
Seems to be evaporating too

Lovely stuff. Bit of ice, splash of water, liquoricey goodness follows.

[Ash]

Guaranteed to give you the Schipps

A Greek friend gave me a bottle of Ouzu the other year
I don't know whether to drink it or dispose of it
Seems to be evaporating too

Pour it down the sink!

Evil stuff.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

I find that free bottles of booze make for excellent Christmas presents

I gave my Dad a wrapped bottle of booze for Christmas last year thinking it was wine

When he opened it it was Vodka
:-/

[Burney]

Guaranteed to give you the Schipps

A Greek friend gave me a bottle of Ouzu the other year
I don't know whether to drink it or dispose of it
Seems to be evaporating too

Anything aniseed-based should instantaneously be cast into outer darkness, s. There is no flavour under the sun as foul imo.

Also, I have had literally the worst hangover of my life on Pernod. For some reason, a friend bought me a bottle that was blue and we consumed it one evening in his flat in Marseilles while the stifling heat and reek of the weeks of rubbish caused by a binmen's strike rendered the air particularly foul even for a southern French city.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Ash "Pour it down the sink!

Evil stuff."

It is in a bottle marked Mostra and has the consistency of Cough Mixture

I might leave it out for a homeless person who has his cardboard box and sleeping bag near me

[Burney]

I find that free bottles of booze make for excellent Christmas presents

I gave my Dad a wrapped bottle of booze for Christmas last year thinking it was wine

When he opened it it was Vodka
:-/


:nod: Next year, I shall be giving people homemade cider-based gifts.

[Burney]

Ash "Pour it down the sink!

Evil stuff."

It is in a bottle marked Mostra and has the consistency of Cough Mixture

I might leave it out for a homeless person who has his cardboard box and sleeping bag near me

Oooh, that's a good call, actually. That's a very good way to get rid of unwanted spirits imo.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Whenever they ask me for 'spare change' I am certain they will only spend it on alcohol anyway
A good turn saves them the bother

[Viva Prat Vegas]

...and clears a bit of shelf space in my kitchen

[Burney]

Whenever they ask me for 'spare change' I am certain they will only spend it on alcohol anyway
A good turn saves them the bother

Yeah. Although if the cap isn't sealed, they might assume you've put poison in it.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

If they eat from bins they'll drink my generously received but ultimately unwanted booze

If they're a particularly choosy type of tramp I can always attach a bit of clingfilm with a rubber band over the funnel