Turds

[Donald]

What percentage of your turds are easy wipe clean? Mine used to be circa 90% horrific, emergency clean up operations and 10% ok. Due to a change in diet I have literally spun that around to 90% clean, no wipe required (just a couple of pleasure wipes), 5% average mess and the rare emergency scenario which leaves me needing councelling.

How about you Wimb?

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I know longer wipe my arse and have made significant savings in toilet tissue. When I defecate I reach behind with both hands and open my buttocks as wide as they will go thereby effectively removing my anus from the process.

[Donald]

Hmmm I tried this manoeuvre once and it didnt end well. Thats all I am prepared to say.

[Pat Vegas]

What percentage of your turds are easy wipe clean? Mine used to be circa 90% horrific, emergency clean up operations and 10% ok. Due to a change in diet I have literally spun that around to 90% clean, no wipe required (just a couple of pleasure wipes), 5% average mess and the rare emergency scenario which leaves me needing councelling.

How about you Wimb?

I often have perfect wons that have hardly any need for a wipe.

[Sir C]

What percentage of your turds are easy wipe clean? Mine used to be circa 90% horrific, emergency clean up operations and 10% ok. Due to a change in diet I have literally spun that around to 90% clean, no wipe required (just a couple of pleasure wipes), 5% average mess and the rare emergency scenario which leaves me needing councelling.

How about you Wimb?

It's a simple matter of changing the bag for me.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Hmmm I tried this manoeuvre once and it didnt end well. Thats all I am prepared to say.

It can only work when one has a pert and firm rear Don. I struggle to imagine you managing to create a viable path through your absurdly enormous, flabby buttocks.

[Donald]

It's a simple matter of changing the bag for me.

I think I will need a bag one day. My anoos has taken too much abuse over the years (not cock abuse, just my fingers)

[Burney]

It's a simple matter of changing the bag for me.

I had never considered the fortunes a colostomy must save a chap in terms of lavatory paper before.

I'm not sure it's a sacrifice worth making, mind, but still.

[Donald]

I often have perfect wons that have hardly any need for a wipe.

Do you not ever have emergency wons Pat? The wons which block the toilet and have you barracaded in the traps for hours and relatives wondering where you are?

[Burney]

What percentage of your turds are easy wipe clean? Mine used to be circa 90% horrific, emergency clean up operations and 10% ok. Due to a change in diet I have literally spun that around to 90% clean, no wipe required (just a couple of pleasure wipes), 5% average mess and the rare emergency scenario which leaves me needing councelling.

How about you Wimb?

Have you ever thought what a supremely inefficient mechanism the human defecatory process is? We really ought to do something about it imo.

[Donald]

Have you ever thought what a supremely inefficient mechanism the human defecatory process is? We really ought to do something about it imo.

I think its one of Gods jokes he played on us. Ive been close to tears many times while locked in the lav.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I had never considered the fortunes a colostomy must save a chap in terms of lavatory paper before.

I'm not sure it's a sacrifice worth making, mind, but still.

And consider b, one may take a shít without the need to remove oneself from one's comfy chair.

And I should imagine it would be a hoot to whip out one's bag at dinner parties and threaten to squirt one's guests.

[Burney]

I think its one of Gods jokes he played on us. Ive been close to tears many times while locked in the lav.

For the sake of my mental health, I sincerely hope you're pronouncing 'tears' to rhyme with 'piers', there and not to rhyme with 'pears' :-(

[Pat Vegas]

Do you not ever have emergency wons Pat? The wons which block the toilet and have you barracaded in the traps for hours and relatives wondering where you are?

:nod: The worst wons are when you don't have time to fully relax and have to cut yoru dump short.
So you are in a bit of a rush and your not quite finished but nothing else is coming out. causing like broken turd and hour of wiping.

:-(

[Burney]

And consider b, one may take a shít without the need to remove oneself from one's comfy chair.

And I should imagine it would be a hoot to whip out one's bag at dinner parties and threaten to squirt one's guests.

I fear the indignity of simply carrying around one's feculence in a bag would become irksome. And what if one suffered gastric problems? Would the thing just keep filling up?

Ideally, one ought to be able to hook oneself up to a pipe in the wall once a day that simply takes all the unpleasantness away and means one doesn't have to worry about it for another 24 hours. It seems ludicrous to me that human progress has not reached this point.