Listen up! That fúcking freak steve williams has never had a cheese and onion

[Sir C]

sandwich!

What. A. Pervert.

:-(

[PSRB]

sandwich!

What. A. Pervert.

:-(

I haven't either, raw onion in a sandwich is just wrong.

Oh and I can't eat hard cheeses unless melted

[SWv2]

sandwich!

What. A. Pervert.

:-(

I admire the calm manner in which you have dealt with this.

You see where I come from it is a crisp flavour, not a sandwich filling.

[Sir C]

I haven't either, raw onion in a sandwich is just wrong

You're northern though, we don't expect any better of you.

[Burney]

sandwich!

What. A. Pervert.

:-(

Shocking imo. Mind you, I suppose raw onion is a bit challenging for an Irish.

[Burney]

I admire the calm manner in which you have dealt with this.

You see where I come from it is a crisp flavour, not a sandwich filling.

Where do you think the idea for the crisp flavouring came from, you dangerous lunatic?!

[SWv2]

Where do you think the idea for the crisp flavouring came from, you dangerous lunatic?!

The factory in Tayto Park of course.

[Sir C]

I admire the calm manner in which you have dealt with this.

You see where I come from it is a crisp flavour, not a sandwich filling.

I confess I was rattled for a moment but so regained my composure.

[Peter]

I haven't either, raw onion in a sandwich is just wrong.

Oh and I can't eat hard cheeses unless melted

That is one of the gayest things anyone has ever said on here. THe hard cheese bit. I think you might have a point re the raw onion.

[PSRB]

That is one of the gayest things anyone has ever said on here. THe hard cheese bit. I think you might have a point re the raw onion.

I have a reflux action to it, makes me gag. Particularly bad with cheddar

[Sir C]

I have a reflux action to it, makes me gag.

It's odd that you have a gag reflex but your mum doesn't, p.

[PSRB]

It's odd that you have a gag reflex but your mum doesn't, p.

It was probably the stroke

[TheCurly]

sandwich!

What. A. Pervert.

:-(

Me neither.Lactose intolerant innit

[Sir C]

Me neither.Lactose intolerant innit

I'm going to pretend I didn't read that and try to move o9n with my life.

It's not going to be easy.

[TheCurly]

I'm going to pretend I didn't read that and try to move o9n with my life.

It's not going to be easy.

2 things on God's green Earth that make me vom
Cheese and coffee.Raw poitin my stomach can handle but cheese :nono:

[SWv2]

Me neither.Lactose intolerant innit

WHAT THE ACTUAL FÚCK.

Internet research shows that people with this rather made up condition "have diarrhoea, gas and bloating after eating or drinking dairy products".

I put it to you that what you had was a bad pint, probably the last one.

[Burney]

2 things on God's green Earth that make me vom
Cheese and coffee.Raw poitin my stomach can handle but cheese :nono:

What about Cheese 'Nonion crips, c? Surely everywon loves them?

[Burney]

WHAT THE ACTUAL FÚCK.

Internet research shows that people with this rather made up condition "have diarrhoea, gas and bloating after eating or drinking dairy products".

I put it to you that what you had was a bad pint, probably the last one.

You should know that you can't tell a man from Northern Ireland to stop being intolerant, sw. It's racist or something.

[TheCurly]

WHAT THE ACTUAL FÚCK.

Internet research shows that people with this rather made up condition "have diarrhoea, gas and bloating after eating or drinking dairy products".

I put it to you that what you had was a bad pint, probably the last one.

Poor Mrs C Senior had an awful time with me as a babóg apparently.Couldn't have the milk you see so i was put on solids from about 8 weeks.Which goes a long way to explain with quite athletic figure

[SWv2]

You should know that you can't tell a man from Northern Ireland to stop being intolerant, sw. It's racist or something.

Sounds very much to me like Brother C has been hit around the head with a gay stick.

He will have IBS next.

[TheCurly]

What about Cheese 'Nonion crips, c? Surely everywon loves them?

Oh i could eat those all day and well into the night

[Burney]

Sounds very much to me like Brother C has been hit around the head with a gay stick.

He will have IBS next.

Is that another IRA splinter group? :-(

[Burney]

Oh i could eat those all day and well into the night

Yeah, but....there's actual cheese in them.

[SWv2]

Is that another IRA splinter group? :-(

Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

My Mrs tried to claim she had this, had to tell her to dry her fúcking eyes. Just because something is in the Daily Mail doesn’t mean it is real.

Few people round here probably “have” it – IUFG, Herbie, Monty for sure. He’s the type.

[Sir C]

Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

My Mrs tried to claim she had this, had to tell her to dry her fúcking eyes. Just because something is in the Daily Mail doesn’t mean it is real.

Few people round here probably “have” it – IUFG, Herbie, Monty for sure. He’s the type.

These blokes who can't eat bread make me chuckle. What would they have done for the prvious 2,000 years, popped down Sainsburys for a gluten-free trencher?

Marxist drivel, all of it.

[Sir C]

Poor Mrs C Senior had an awful time with me as a babóg apparently.Couldn't have the milk you see so i was put on solids from about 8 weeks.Which goes a long way to explain with quite athletic figure

My uncles in Ireland were just the opposite. They never really got the hang of solids and lived pretty much entirely on Guinness.

[Burney]

Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

My Mrs tried to claim she had this, had to tell her to dry her fúcking eyes. Just because something is in the Daily Mail doesn’t mean it is real.

Few people round here probably “have” it – IUFG, Herbie, Monty for sure. He’s the type.

I believe it's known as 'The Jewish Disease', although this may have more to do with our Hebrew brethren being absolutely massive fûcking hypochondriacs than anything else.

[Burney]

These blokes who can't eat bread make me chuckle. What would they have done for the prvious 2,000 years, popped down Sainsburys for a gluten-free trencher?

Marxist drivel, all of it.

I have often pointed out that, if the very foundation stone of human civilisation gives you a gippy tum-tum, you are probably being given a hint by mother nature.

Mind you, I do know a lady who's genuinely coeliac. When she first told me, I thought she was telling me she was part of some cult or other.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

I think I have eaten cheese and spring onion sandwiches once before
I have certainly eaten spring onion crisps

Cheese with Richard Branson chutney or pickle is normal so I am with Steve on this one

[Peter]

These blokes who can't eat bread make me chuckle. What would they have done for the prvious 2,000 years, popped down Sainsburys for a gluten-free trencher?

Marxist drivel, all of it.

and you, the taxpayer, are footing the bill for some of these ****s. They get money to help with a gluten free diet.

The extra cost must amount to something like 2 or 3 quid a week. Its a ****ing scam, the whole thing.

[TheCurly]

Yeah, but....there's actual cheese in them.

I'd guess it is quite a miminal percent.Same way I can have a drop of milk in me tae but would barf drinking a glass of milk

[Peter]

Yeah, but....there's actual cheese in them.

Usually a form of dried milk powder but one would assume it amounts to the same thing if you are lactose intolerant.

[Burney]

Usually a form of dried milk powder but one would assume it amounts to the same thing if you are lactose intolerant.

Yes. What I think we have established here is that Curly is full of shíte and a big baby.

[Peter]

Yes. What I think we have established here is that Curly is full of shíte and a big baby.

It seems to be the case. I cant say I am the biggest fan of cheese but I am definitely hard enough to eat it.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

I bought a box of Ferrero Rocher as a gift for someone in the medical world who I was seeing regularly
She gave them back to me saying she was lactose intolerant
So I took them home and ate them over Christmas and the New Year

[TheCurly]

Yes. What I think we have established here is that Curly is full of shíte and a big baby.

M'k.I'll make you a deal.I shall have a lovely glass of milk and a big mound of cheese if you promise to stand next to me.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

I would like to ask Curly if his lactose intolerance stunted his growth or bowed his legs

[Sir C]

I bought a box of Ferrero Rocher as a gift for someone in the medical world who I was seeing regularly
She gave them back to me saying she was lactose intolerant
So I took them home and ate them over Christmas and the New Year

You were boning a doctor s? Is that even legal?

[SWv2]

M'k.I'll make you a deal.I shall have a lovely glass of milk and a big mound of cheese if you promise to stand next to me.

I assume cheese on toast is okay all the same?

[TheCurly]

I assume cheese on toast is okay all the same?

Young Mrs C has on numerous occasions tried to hid some in my dinners.Grated into Bolognese etc.Oh she soon found out to her cost.

[Burney]

I bought a box of Ferrero Rocher as a gift for someone in the medical world who I was seeing regularly
She gave them back to me saying she was lactose intolerant
So I took them home and ate them over Christmas and the New Year

So you're seeing a woman and presumably either doing the nasty with her or trying to and a/ at no point have you found out she's lactose intolerant (in my experience, these sorts tell you almost immediately) and b/ you think Ferrero Rocher is an acceptable present for someone who's in receipt of your bodily fluids.

It has to be said that you are one classy mòther****er, vpv. :clap:

[Burney]

You were boning a doctor s? Is that even legal?

I've shagged a nurse and a physiologist, but never a doctor.

I'm still not really sure what a physiologist is, tbh. :shrug:

[Peter]

I've shagged a nurse and a physiologist, but never a doctor.

I'm still not really sure what a physiologist is, tbh. :shrug:

I am sure everyone has shagged a nurse at some point.
I lived with a psychotherapist. She was surprisingly normal.

[PSRB]

I am sure everyone has shagged a nurse at some point.
I lived with a psychotherapist. She was surprisingly normal.

:nod: An Austrian one on a ski holiday

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Just the one Doctor C Not plural :-)
It was on a professional basis
I must confess C that I did grow fond of her and there was the occasional physical contact and playful winking involved
She did have educate me about two-way relationships between patient and professionals being bound by law

Boning ?
This is life Sir C Not Doctor Foster

[Sir C]

I've shagged a nurse and a physiologist, but never a doctor.

I'm still not really sure what a physiologist is, tbh. :shrug:

Doctors are special, like priests and lawyers. They have letters after their names, for God's sake!

I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to nob them.

[Burney]

I am sure everyone has shagged a nurse at some point.
I lived with a psychotherapist. She was surprisingly normal.

I'm pretty sure everyone has probably shagged this one at some point - God bless her and her non-existent sexual continence.

Not sure I could be doing with a headshrinker, though. Can't be doing with all that mumbo-jumbo.

[Burney]

Just the one Doctor C Not plural :-)
It was on a professional basis
I must confess C that I did grow fond of her and there was the occasional physical contact and playful winking involved
She did have educate me about two-way relationships between patient and professionals being bound by law

Boning ?
This is life Sir C Not Doctor Foster

I have to be honest, I read that as 'playful wànking' and was quite disappointed on a closer reading. :-(

[Sir C]

Just the one Doctor C Not plural :-)
It was on a professional basis
I must confess C that I did grow fond of her and there was the occasional physical contact and playful winking involved
She did have educate me about two-way relationships between patient and professionals being bound by law

Boning ?
This is life Sir C Not Doctor Foster

You sexually assaulted her s, didn't you? :-(

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Burney
One teeny extra bit of information which might make a difference is that I was seeing her on a professional basis
Regularly at the medical practice (which is where I had to smuggle the chocolates in without the receptionist seeing
She was a nice human being

[Burney]

Doctors are special, like priests and lawyers. They have letters after their names, for God's sake!

I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to nob them.

Well someone must have sex with them. :shrug:

I did make that vaguely suggestive remark to that one who'd just felt my nadsack that time. :cringe:

[Viva Prat Vegas]

"You sexually assaulted her s, didn't you?"

Kind of
If you stretch the rules

[Burney]

Burney
One teeny extra bit of information which might make a difference is that I was seeing her on a professional basis
Regularly at the medical practice (which is where I had to smuggle the chocolates in without the receptionist seeing
She was a nice human being

Yes, but you wanted to knob her, right? You don't give chocolates - even Ferrero Rocher - to a woman unless she's either related to you, really old or you want to jump her bones. FACT.

[Sir C]

"You sexually assaulted her s, didn't you?"

Kind of
If you stretch the rules

:clap: Our very own Weinstein.

[Peter]

I'm pretty sure everyone has probably shagged this one at some point - God bless her and her non-existent sexual continence.

Not sure I could be doing with a headshrinker, though. Can't be doing with all that mumbo-jumbo.

she was Irish. Whenever she wanted to start one of those conversations I just took her for a drink.

[Sir C]

Well someone must have sex with them. :shrug:

I did make that vaguely suggestive remark to that one who'd just felt my nadsack that time. :cringe:

No no, there are special things that can't be associated with dirty action. Doctors, lawyers, mothers. Nuns.

[Peter]

No no, there are special things that can't be associated with dirty action. Doctors, lawyers, mothers. Nuns.

Munters? :)

[Viva Prat Vegas]

I liked her on all three levels
Spiritually Mentally and love-makingly
They are also not allowed to accept gifts
I even offered her money once as gratitude for an unscheduled brief session in her surgery but she said she would get the sack if she took it
I admired her ... what is the word ?
Nobility ?

[Sir C]

Munters? :)

Nothing wrong with ugly chicks, p. Bloaters - not so much.

[Sir C]

I liked her on all three levels
Spiritually Mentally and love-makingly
They are also not allowed to accept gifts
I even offered her money once as gratitude for an unscheduled brief session in her surgery but she said she would get the sack if she took it
I admired her ... what is the word ?
Nobility ?

Did you ever watch her through binoculars, s?

[Burney]

she was Irish. Whenever she wanted to start one of those conversations I just took her for a drink.

Freud said that the Irish are the one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

I don't think he meant it as a compliment, but I think the Irish should take it as one.

Freud was full of shít and psychoanalysis is madey-uppey nonsense. FACT(s).

[Burney]

No no, there are special things that can't be associated with dirty action. Doctors, lawyers, mothers. Nuns.

I've had sex with several mothers. :-(

None of them were my own, though, which I think is crucial.

[Burney]

I liked her on all three levels
Spiritually Mentally and love-makingly
They are also not allowed to accept gifts
I even offered her money once as gratitude for an unscheduled brief session in her surgery but she said she would get the sack if she took it
I admired her ... what is the word ?
Nobility ?

You had a brief session with her in her surgery and then offered her money for it? :yikes:

[Burney]

I liked her on all three levels
Spiritually Mentally and love-makingly
They are also not allowed to accept gifts
I even offered her money once as gratitude for an unscheduled brief session in her surgery but she said she would get the sack if she took it
I admired her ... what is the word ?
Nobility ?


No. 'Tits'.

'Tits' is the word you're looking for, I think.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

"Did you ever watch her through binoculars, vpv?

I found they were not necessary when sitting but a knee-squeeze away from her

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Well someone must have sex with them. :shrug:

I did make that vaguely suggestive remark to that one who'd just felt my nadsack that time. :cringe:

What on earth did you say b? - "Might only be one or 'em darlin' but it's the size of a feckin onion eh!"

[Peter]

Freud said that the Irish are the one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

I don't think he meant it as a compliment, but I think the Irish should take it as one.

Freud was full of shít and psychoanalysis is madey-uppey nonsense. FACT(s).

Well, she was trained as a humanist, so not strictly psychoanalysis. Just a nice chat. It is apparently very successful, particularly when there is not actually anything wrong with you. Its for miserable sods, basically.

[Burney]

What on earth did you say b? - "Might only be one or 'em darlin' but it's the size of a feckin onion eh!"

I've recounted the story on here before, h. Remembering it pains me. Even thinking about it now I want the earth to swallow me up. :-(

[Sir C]

"Did you ever watch her through binoculars, vpv?

I found they were not necessary when sitting but a knee-squeeze away from her

I suppose there's no hope of a pic? (A candid one, for preference.)

[Burney]

Its for miserable sods, basically.


Hmmm. Wasn't it a bit unethical for her to conduct a relationship with a patient, then?

[Viva Prat Vegas]

"No. 'Tits'.

'Tits' is the word you're looking for, I think. "

She has a good shapely and huggable figure
There was not much going on in the lactose area nut I am neither here or there on that department

Noble and admirable might be the words to describe her

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I've recounted the story on here before, h. Remembering it pains me. Even thinking about it now I want the earth to swallow me up. :-(

Whatever it was I'm sure she giggled like Babs Windsor and called you a cheeky boy

[Viva Prat Vegas]

"I suppose there's no hope of a pic? (A candid one, for preference.)"

There are a small handful online of her being honoured but I respect her too much to link them

[Sir C]

"I suppose there's no hope of a pic? (A candid one, for preference.)"

There are a small handful online of her being honoured but I respect her too much to link them

Is this a euphemism? :-(

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Burney you sex bomb - have you still got a fetish for the older woman and was it mere coincidence that they were mothers ?

[Burney]

Whatever it was I'm sure she giggled like Babs Windsor and called you a cheeky boy

No, h. She greeted my remark with a mirthless, tight-lipped smile. :-(

[Viva Prat Vegas]

"Is this a euphemism? "

No no NO !
This is a professional medic C Far above the base level profanities hinted at by the dirt in your mind

If there are any , I have not found them yet
Will keep looking :thumbup:

[Viva Prat Vegas]

"No, h. She greeted my remark with a mirthless, tight-lipped smile. "

I bet she paused and said "Oh"

[Burney]

Burney you sex bomb - have you still got a fetish for the older woman and was it mere coincidence that they were mothers ?

I don't think I said any of them were older than me. :shrug: Although a couple were, I must admit.

My first mother was some woman I met in Leeson St as a youngster. My friend and I went back to her place with her and her sister. I woke up the next day somewhere in North Dublin with this woman to whom daylight was not being terribly kind and kids running around.

I found my friend next door with the sister. She didn't have any kids, but was missing a front tooth, so I felt he and I were honours even there. :-(

[Viva Prat Vegas]

:hehe:

God you certainly started on the bottom rung of the mother-fugging ladder
You might have a slight edge on your friend here for in the dark you can still feel a missing tooth

[Burney]

:hehe:

God you certainly started on the bottom rung of the mother-fugging ladder
You might have a slight edge on your friend here for in the dark you can still feel a missing tooth

I did point out to him in the taxi back that I couldn't remember her missing the tooth the night before, so the possibilities were either that she'd been wearing a false one or that he'd accidentally knocked it out during sexual horseplay.

[SWv2]

I did point out to him in the taxi back that I couldn't remember her missing the tooth the night before, so the possibilities were either that she'd been wearing a false one or that he'd accidentally knocked it out during sexual horseplay.

I used to use a ladies previous child bearing activity as a sign that they would 100% take cock.

In essence it was like a guarantee of action.

[Peter]

Hmmm. Wasn't it a bit unethical for her to conduct a relationship with a patient, then?

I'm not actually miserable. I just find it funny.

You know, like Leonard Cohen.

[Burney]

I used to use a ladies previous child bearing activity as a sign that they would 100% take cock.

In essence it was like a guarantee of action.

Well it's certainly a guarantee that she's probably seen one before and knows where it goes.

[Burney]

I'm not actually miserable. I just find it funny.

You know, like Leonard Cohen.


I lose track. Is Len dead now?

[Viva Prat Vegas]

"I lose track. Is Len dead now?"

Yes
Rita was most upset about his passing