I hope no-one was planning on needing the NHS today

[Burney]

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/may/12/hospitals-across-england-hit-by-large-scale-cyber-attack

[Sir C]

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/may/12/hospitals-across-england-hit-by-large-scale-cyber-attack

I called the NHS to make an appointment today, because my wobbles aren't improving. I was offered an appointment on 25th May.

I've found a private doctor who will see me on Sunday.

Note how it works: I pay the government for my healthcare, they give the job to the NHS, the NHS fails to deliver, so I pay for my healthcare.

This country has become a load of ****. Fúck your (not 'your') NHS.

[Burney]

I called the NHS to make an appointment today, because my wobbles aren't improving. I was offered an appointment on 25th May.

I've found a private doctor who will see me on Sunday.

Note how it works: I pay the government for my healthcare, they give the job to the NHS, the NHS fails to deliver, so I pay for my healthcare.

This country has become a load of ****. Fúck your (not 'your') NHS.

Oh dear. Are we going to have to help you to bed and such in the absence of your glw?

[Pat Vegas]

I called the NHS to make an appointment today, because my wobbles aren't improving. I was offered an appointment on 25th May.

I've found a private doctor who will see me on Sunday.

Note how it works: I pay the government for my healthcare, they give the job to the NHS, the NHS fails to deliver, so I pay for my healthcare.

This country has become a load of ****. Fúck your (not 'your') NHS.

But what about the nurses?

from what I understand this is very important before any election.

They don't even have nice outfits. :nurse:

[Sir C]

Oh dear. Are we going to have to help you to bed and such in the absence of your glw?

I'm actually quite wobbly this afternoon. I can manage pretty well everything fine except going to the toilet. Would you mind just holding my little chap for me?

[Sir C]

But what about the nurses?

from what I understand this is very important before any election.

They don't even have nice outfits. :nurse:

I was at a private hospital yesterday and the nurses weren't wearing Benny Hill Show nurses uniforms. It's digusting, you pay all that money and there's not a pair of fishnets in sight.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

But what about the nurses?

from what I understand this is very important before any election.

They don't even have nice outfits. :nurse:

I think they are now unisex

:-(

I was once given a supposetory by a male nurse
He was gay
:-(

[Burney]

I'm actually quite wobbly this afternoon. I can manage pretty well everything fine except going to the toilet. Would you mind just holding my little chap for me?

:-\ Have you got some tweezers a chap might use?

[Sir C]

I think they are now unisex

:frown:

I was once given a supposetory by a male nurse
He was gay
frown:

Did he keep his hands on your shoulders when he administered it?

[Burney]

I think they are now unisex

:frown:

I was once given a supposetory by a male nurse
He was gay
frown:


I was shaved downstairs by a gay nurse man in Dublin. :-(

[Burney]

Did he keep his hands on your shoulders when he administered it?

:nod: I'd say it was suspiciously warm as well.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Did he keep his hands on your shoulders when he administered it?

My eyes were closed because I could not believe it was happening
He took longer than expected and afterwards he went off duty

[Burney]

My eyes were closed because I could not believe it was happening
He took longer than expected and afterwards he went off duty

...to wash his cock

[Sir C]

My eyes were closed because I could not believe it was happening
He took longer than expected and afterwards he went off duty

Didn't even leave you his number? What a bitch.

[SWv2]

I was shaved downstairs by a gay nurse man in Dublin. :-(

Which pub was this?

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Which pub was this?

The Spud and Star Anise

[SWv2]

The Spud and Star Anise

I do not like the cut of your jib Vegas.

[Burney]

Which pub was this?

:-) I was going to make a similar joke myself, but thought I'd be charitable and leave the tap-in for someone else.

It was in St Vincent's prior to them unnecessarily cutting my perfectly healthy appendix.

The doctor said: "Turns out it was only gastro-enteritis, but since we had you open anyway, we thought we might as well take it out." :-|

[SWv2]

:-) I was going to make a similar joke myself, but thought I'd be charitable and leave the tap-in for someone else.

It was in St Vincent's prior to them unnecessarily cutting my perfectly healthy appendix.

The doctor said: "Turns out it was only gastro-enteritis, but since we had you open anyway, so we thought we might as well take it out." :-|

The obvious question (to me) is why you were having medical procedures carried out here?

I had that camera down the throat thing done in Vincents. Now there was a doctor who can count himself lucky to have not been chinned.

[Burney]

The obvious question (to me) is why you were having medical procedures carried out here?

I had that camera down the throat thing done in Vincents. Now there was a doctor who can count himself lucky to have not been chinned.

I was on holiday and fell poorly (i.e. started shïtting myself inside out). Some gobshïte doctor poked both sides of my abdomen, both hurt, so he packed me off to St Vs

[Sir C]

I was on holiday and fell poorly (i.e. started shïtting myself inside out). Some gobshïte doctor poked both sides of my abdomen, both hurt, so he packed me off to St Vs

Wouldn't it have been safer to get you medevaced back to civilisation? Some fúcking Paddy with bone through his nose in a mud hut peering into the chicken's entrails is not the way forward when you need medical care.

[Burney]

Wouldn't it have been safer to get you medevaced back to civilisation? Some fúcking Paddy with bone through his nose in a mud hut peering into the chicken's entrails is not the way forward when you need medical care.

Oh, it got very awkward as my uncle and namesake got involved, summoned forth his family physician at great expense to see to me. This sage being the self-same gobshíte who couldn't diagnose a broken fùcking leg. :rolleyes: I'd have been better off with the witch doctor.

[SWv2]

Wouldn't it have been safer to get you medevaced back to civilisation? Some fúcking Paddy with bone through his nose in a mud hut peering into the chicken's entrails is not the way forward when you need medical care.

I expect he received the finest medical care known to man.

That is how we roll in Ireland. We love all god's children.