I shall be meeting my father-in-law for the first time on Saturday

[Burney]

He is American, very loud, is notoriously disputatious and violently disapproves of drinking.

It promises to be absolutely ghastly.

[World's End Stella]

He is American, very loud, is notoriously disputatious and violently disapproves of drinking.

It promises to be absolutely ghastly.

disputatious

:redcard:

[Sir C]

He is American, very loud, is notoriously disputatious and violently disapproves of drinking.

It promises to be absolutely ghastly.

If you drink lots of scotch before meeting him, you may find the touching familial scene descending into fisticuffs; this will be awkward for a while, but in the long term will ensure that you and he and kept well separated.

(Is he as bonkers as the mother, do you think?)

[Burney]

If you drink lots of scotch before meeting him, you may find the touching familial scene descending into fisticuffs; this will be awkward for a while, but in the long term will ensure that you and he and kept well separated.

(Is he as bonkers as the mother, do you think?)

I had hoped that the Atlantic Ocean and his advancing years would have ensured we never met, but no such luck. There's no way I'm getting through the thing without a drink, though.

If anything, more so. She's quite sweet once you get to know her. He regularly gets into online feuds with Judges, ex-Navy Seals and the like. The most recent of these ended up with two Scotland Yard detectives being dispatched to g's mum's place in Bradford following some sort of allegation that he was a national security threat.

[Sir C]

I had hoped that the Atlantic Ocean and his advancing years would have ensured we never met, but no such luck. There's no way I'm getting through the thing without a drink, though.

If anything, more so. She's quite sweet once you get to know her. He regularly gets into online feuds with Judges, ex-Navy Seals and the like. The most recent of these ended up with two Scotland Yard detectives being dispatched to g's mum's place in Bradford following some sort of allegation that he was a national security threat.

:hehe: He sounds like he could be top entertainment. Wind him up and let him go! :popcorn:

[Ash]

notoriously disputatious

You have something in common, at least. :-)

[redgunamo]

He is American, very loud, is notoriously disputatious and violently disapproves of drinking.

It promises to be absolutely ghastly.

Too late to do anything about it now though, I suppose. He can surely have no real complaints though, in any case; you have a job and you plainly do not wipe your mouth with your sleeve. Looked at properly, in-laws do not really expect much better than that.

[Burney]

You have something in common, at least. :-)

That's what worries me. :-(

[Sir C]

Too late to do anything about it now though, I suppose. He can surely have no real complaints though, in any case; you have a job and you plainly do not wipe your mouth with your sleeve. Looked at properly, in-laws do not really expect much better than that.

My in-laws have always been deeply regretful of my attitude to earning a living; they have never tried to conceal their disappointment at having a son-in-law who is in trade. They find it terribly bourgeois.

[Burney]

Too late to do anything about it now though, I suppose. He can surely have no real complaints though, in any case; you have a job and you plainly do not wipe your mouth with your sleeve. Looked at properly, in-laws do not really expect much better than that.

Oh, I couldn't really give a shït what he thinks of me. I just don't want the wife upset, so want things to go well for her.

He's on his third or fourth wife - I forget which - so he's hardly in a position to judge anyone else's eligibility.

[Burney]

My in-laws have always been deeply regretful of my attitude to earning a living; they have never tried to conceal their disappointment at having a son-in-law who is in trade. They find it terribly bourgeois.


:hehe: You basically married into the plot of a Morse episode imo.

[Pat Vegas]

He is American, very loud, is notoriously disputatious and violently disapproves of drinking.

It promises to be absolutely ghastly.

'violently disapproves of drinking.' :-(
I would have hoped for a JR Ewing type character.

[Sir C]

:hehe: You basically married into the plot of a Morse episode imo.

I once asked the mother-in-law what she suggested we do for money, given her disapproval of working for a living. "Can't you just walk around finding some in the street? People must lose money all the time!"

And that was before she went a bit loony. :-(

[redgunamo]

My in-laws have always been deeply regretful of my attitude to earning a living; they have never tried to conceal their disappointment at having a son-in-law who is in trade. They find it terribly bourgeois.

They'll be just saying that, I reckon. They'll know full well how fortunate they've been, if only to have their daughter out of the house and out of their hair and not constantly at the door begging for handouts with filthy, ill-clothed and poorly shod brats in tow.

[redgunamo]

Oh, I couldn't really give a shït what he thinks of me. I just don't want the wife upset, so want things to go well for her.

He's on his third or fourth wife - I forget which - so he's hardly in a position to judge anyone else's eligibility.

Yes, that's what I mean. Let him who is without sin and a' that.

And, crucially, he is not paying for you.

[Sir C]

They'll be just saying that, I reckon. They'll know full well how fortunate they've been, if only to have their daughter out of the house and out of their hair and not constantly at the door begging for handouts with filthy, ill-clothed and poorly shod brats in tow.

She'd be fúcking disappointed if she tried.

[Burney]

Yes, that's what I mean. Let him who is without sin and a' that.

And, crucially, he is not paying for you.

Indeed. And I'm picking up the bill for lunch, so if I wish to imbibe I shall fücking well do so.

[SWv2]

Indeed. And I'm picking up the bill for lunch, so if I wish to imbibe I shall fücking well do so.

**** him in the eye B, not literally of course but you know what I mean and have my full backing.

Drink more than you had initially intended. ****.

[Alberto Balsam Rodriguez]

He is American, very loud, is notoriously disputatious and violently disapproves of drinking.

It promises to be absolutely ghastly.


Is he a Mormon?

Begs the obvious question, really. Have you met your MiL or will you be meeting her?#

When I met my Septic FiL, I have massively disappointed. He is well educated, rational, broad minded and phenomenally well travelled. You are the lucky one. You have plenty of whole to pick through

[Alberto Balsam Rodriguez]

Oh, I couldn't really give a shït what he thinks of me. I just don't want the wife upset, so want things to go well for her.

He's on his third or fourth wife - I forget which - so he's hardly in a position to judge anyone else's eligibility.


As if Hypocrisy ever stopped anyone?

[Burney]

Is he a Mormon?

Begs the obvious question, really. Have you met your MiL or will you be meeting her?#

When I met my Septic FiL, I have massively disappointed. He is well educated, rational, broad minded and phenomenally well travelled. You are the lucky one. You have plenty of whole to pick through

I've met my mother-in-law, but they've been divorced for nearly 40 years. His latest wife is Burmese, I believe. :shrug:

In many ways, I feel he might be quite interesting, but the impression I get is that he is a bit of a bully. And the non-drinking thing is a real obstacle. He's not a Mormon, he's just never drunk - what sort of cünt never drinks?

[Burney]

**** him in the eye B, not literally of course but you know what I mean and have my full backing.

Drink more than you had initially intended. ****.

I will smile and be polite and charming. I can do no more than that, sw.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

what sort of cünt never drinks?

Jorge for example

[Burney]

Jorge for example

Oh, j drinks. I have got drunk with him, in fact. He's just one of these chaps who bangs on about how alcohol's 'a bad drug' and weed is much better - as though it were a competition. :shrug:

[Viva Prat Vegas]

That is the African in him coming out
I am pleased to learn he can relax and unwind with a bevvy or two in good company

[Ash]

what sort of cünt never drinks?

Devotees of various religions, without wishing to get into naming them.

[SWv2]

Oh, j drinks. I have got drunk with him, in fact. He's just one of these chaps who bangs on about how alcohol's 'a bad drug' and weed is much better - as though it were a competition. :shrug:

I don't think J's proud Irish identity would allow him to not take a drink.

[Burney]

Devotees of various religions, without wishing to get into naming them.

Protestants, you mean? Well yes, but the less said about those cünts, the better.

[Monty92]

He is American, very loud, is notoriously disputatious and violently disapproves of drinking.

It promises to be absolutely ghastly.

My father-in-law's just announced his 24-year-old sex-trafficked, FGM'd Nigerian wife is pregnant. He's just been sacked from a job in Dubai and moved back to the US to take another job. To no-one's surprise, her efforts to acquire a US visa so she can join him have been declined and she's now stuck in Dubai, alone, pregnant, jobless and on borrowed time before she gets turfed back to Nigeria.

[Sir C]

My father-in-law's just announced his 24-year-old sex-trafficked, FGM'd Nigerian wife is pregnant. He's just been sacked from a job in Dubai and moved back to the US to take another job. To no-one's surprise, her efforts to acquire a US visa so she can join him have been declined and she's now stuck in Dubai, alone, pregnant, jobless and on borrowed time before she gets turfed back to Nigeria.

Blimey. I'd have assumed that if you married a septic you'd get a secptic passport as a result.

He'll have to do the decent thing and go back to Dubai or change his phone number and never think of her again.

[redgunamo]

what sort of cünt never drinks?

The sort that wants to tell you he never drinks, imo.

[redgunamo]

Blimey. I'd have assumed that if you married a septic you'd get a secptic passport as a result.

He'll have to do the decent thing and go back to Dubai or change his phone number and never think of her again.

Nigeria's not so bad anyway.

So I gather.

[Monty92]

Blimey. I'd have assumed that if you married a septic you'd get a secptic passport as a result.

He'll have to do the decent thing and go back to Dubai or change his phone number and never think of her again.

He's not a US citizen.

[Sir C]

Nigeria's not so bad anyway.

So I gather.

I wonder how much has changed in the last 10 years, because in the early 2000s, when a friend of mine did a two year tour in Lagos, it was like being in a living nightmare, according to him. And he'd done time in Kiev and Almaty, so he knows a ****hole when he sees one.

[Sir C]

He's not a US citizen.

Right. But he thought he'd get a Nigerian woman in with him anyway?

What is he, as thick as mince?

[redgunamo]

I wonder how much has changed in the last 10 years, because in the early 2000s, when a friend of mine did a two year tour in Lagos, it was like being in a living nightmare, according to him. And he'd done time in Kiev and Almaty, so he knows a ****hole when he sees one.

It's yer typical African hellhole but with added religious lunacy and too much loose raw commodities cash :-\.

[Monty92]

Right. But he thought he'd get a Nigerian woman in with him anyway?

What is he, as thick as mince?

He wasn't intending to go back to the US until he got sacked from a job in Dubai. Returning there was pretty much his only choice.

[Burney]

My father-in-law's just announced his 24-year-old sex-trafficked, FGM'd Nigerian wife is pregnant. He's just been sacked from a job in Dubai and moved back to the US to take another job. To no-one's surprise, her efforts to acquire a US visa so she can join him have been declined and she's now stuck in Dubai, alone, pregnant, jobless and on borrowed time before she gets turfed back to Nigeria.

Sounds like a result on his part, tbf.

[Sir C]

He wasn't intending to go back to the US until he got sacked from a job in Dubai. Returning there was pretty much his only choice.

Why? If he's not a septic, why is the US his only option? This whole story makes fúck all sense.

[Sir C]

It's yer typical African hellhole but with added religious lunacy and too much loose raw commodities cash :-\.

Hmm, in Dar or Nairobi or Lusaka an expat doesn't need a team of bodyguards to wander down the street.

I'm going to have to come out and say it. West Africa isn't anywhere near as nice as east Africa.

[Burney]

Why? If he's not a septic, why is the US his only option? This whole story makes fúck all sense.

Also, why has he married a clitless Nigerian hooker?

[Burney]

Hmm, in Dar or Nairobi or Lusaka an expat doesn't need a team of bodyguards to wander down the street.

I'm going to have to come out and say it. West Africa isn't anywhere near as nice as east Africa.

Better slaves and footballers, though, you have to say that for it.

[Sir C]

Also, why has he married a clitless Nigerian hooker?

Too many questions, too few answers. monty has fúcked up bigly here.

[redgunamo]

Hmm, in Dar or Nairobi or Lusaka an expat doesn't need a team of bodyguards to wander down the street.

I'm going to have to come out and say it. West Africa isn't anywhere near as nice as east Africa.

I'd agree with you there. Lake Malawi, for a start; great catfish.

[redgunamo]

Better slaves and footballers, though, you have to say that for it.

And hounds.

[Sir C]

I'd agree with you there. Lake Malawi, for a start; great catfish.

Catfish? Catfish? Horrible, muddy things. Not improved when served with ugali.

Allow me to steer sir towards the nyama chomba.

[redgunamo]

Catfish? Catfish? Horrible, muddy things. Not improved when served with ugali.

Allow me to steer sir towards the nyama chomba.

No, I love 'em. People dry them or freeze them for me and send them over.

[Sir C]

And hounds.

The Selous is home to the continent's largest population of African Wild Dog, as I'm sure you're aware.

Have you considered adding some African DNA to your breeding programme, r?

[Burney]

Catfish? Catfish? Horrible, muddy things. Not improved when served with ugali.

Allow me to steer sir towards the nyama chomba.

Catfish is big in the southern states of the US. Particularly seems to be a soul food thing. Big piles of breaded catfish fillets with tartare sauce. Odd lot, really.

[Sir C]

No, I love 'em. People dry them or freeze them for me and send them over.

People send you frozen catfish from Malawi?

Am I living in a David Lynch film?

[redgunamo]

The Selous is home to the continent's largest population of African Wild Dog, as I'm sure you're aware.

Have you considered adding some African DNA to your breeding programme, r?

:hehe: Don't be silly! The whole point of a dog is that it is *not* wild.

[Monty92]

Also, why has he married a clitless Nigerian hooker?

It's wife number 4, and given the first one is on anti-psychotic drugs for the rest of her life, he's arguably getting more discerning.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

It's wife number 4, and given the first one is on anti-psychotic drugs for the rest of her life, he's arguably getting more discerning.

Wife number 5 will be your mum
It will be confusing

[Burney]

People send you frozen catfish from Malawi?

Am I living in a David Lynch film?

Dried sounds worse.

I'm trying not to imagine the fearful hum of r's package after its long journey from Africa. :-(

[redgunamo]

People send you frozen catfish from Malawi?

Am I living in a David Lynch film?

Oh, yes. Arrives the same day. Same as sushi stuff from Nagoya. or what-have-you.

[Ash]

And hounds.

They have african hunting dogs in London Zoo. 11 puppies arrived at once the other year.

https://www.zsl.org/videos/zoo-babies/puppy-alert-11-adorable-african-hunting-dog-puppies-born

Feeding time is good. You can watch the keeper lob a chunk of antelope or something over the fence and watch them excitedly rip it to pieces.

[Burney]

It's wife number 4, and given the first one is on anti-psychotic drugs for the rest of her life, he's arguably getting more discerning.

Have you asked him what she's like in bed? The new one, not the mental one.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

r's package

More cock obsession

[redgunamo]

Dried sounds worse.

I'm trying not to imagine the fearful hum of r's package after its long journey from Africa. :-(

:hehe: In the old days at Terminal 3, poorly iced and packed fish would often leave their bloody trail across the floor.

Simpler, more trusting times.

[Sir C]

They have african hunting dogs in London Zoo. 11 puppies arrived at once the other year.

https://www.zsl.org/videos/zoo-babies/puppy-alert-11-adorable-african-hunting-dog-puppies-born

Feeding time is good. You can watch the keeper lob a chunk of antelope or something over the fence and watch them excitedly rip it to pieces.

Or 'London Concentration Camp', as we like to call it more accurately.

In 5 years time we're going to look back at the way we used to imprison innocent animals and shake our heads in disbelief.

[Burney]

:hehe: In the old days at Terminal 3, poorly iced and packed fish would often leave their bloody trail across the floor.

Simpler, more trusting times.

I was once sent for a random customs check in Houston airport. I was stuck behind an African family who appeared to have brought the entire contents of their house with them - including what was in their fridge. There was meat, fish, cereal - all sorts. The customs lady took pity on me, took a cursory look in my bag and sent me through while they dealt with that shîtshow.

[Burney]

Or 'London Concentration Camp', as we like to call it more accurately.

In 5 years time we're going to look back at the way we used to imprison innocent animals and shake our heads in disbelief.

The penguins always seem to be having a grand time. No predators, not too cold and all the fish they can eat.

[Sir C]

Oh, yes. Arrives the same day. Same as sushi stuff from Nagoya. or what-have-you.

It took three weeks for my hat to reach me from Songo Songo :-(

[Ash]

Or 'London Concentration Camp', as we like to call it more accurately.

In 5 years time we're going to look back at the way we used to imprison innocent animals and shake our heads in disbelief.

Leave it out, hippy. They are more arks these days, not prisons. Many of the species in zoos would be exctinct if it wasn't for the conservation work they do.

[Burney]

It took three weeks for my hat to reach me from Songo Songo :-(

You can't just make up place names like that, you racist!

[redgunamo]

They have african hunting dogs in London Zoo. 11 puppies arrived at once the other year.

https://www.zsl.org/videos/zoo-babies/puppy-alert-11-adorable-african-hunting-dog-puppies-born

Feeding time is good. You can watch the keeper lob a chunk of antelope or something over the fence and watch them excitedly rip it to pieces.

I think they must've pinched that trick from having watched the sick lions being fed at Nairobi Animal Clinic*.


*Yes, Nairobi has an Animal Clinic :-\

[Sir C]

Leave it out, hippy. They are more arks these days, not prisons. Many of the species in zoos would be exctinct if it wasn't for the conservation work they do.

You know when animals do that frantic pacing back and forth, or sit rocking themselves? That's not normal behaviour. Those poor beasts are having a nervy b. :-(

I'd rather extinction than torturing those poor creatures :cry:

[redgunamo]

It took three weeks for my hat to reach me from Songo Songo :-(

:-( Make NATO Great Again.

[Sir C]

You can't just make up place names like that, you racist!

Songo Songo would make the basis of a great movie. A speck in the Indian ocean inhabited by a hundred native fishermen and 300 bewildered chinese gas workers :hehe:

[redgunamo]

I was once sent for a random customs check in Houston airport. I was stuck behind an African family who appeared to have brought the entire contents of their house with them - including what was in their fridge. There was meat, fish, cereal - all sorts. The customs lady took pity on me, took a cursory look in my bag and sent me through while they dealt with that shîtshow.

Yes, that's Africans for you. It's considered rude not to.

Waste not, want not, I suppose.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

The penguins always seem to be having a grand time. No predators, not too cold and all the fish they can eat.

I like the sardines frozen in ice they have in the Summertime
I would like to try a sardine ice lolly

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Songo Songo would make the basis of a great movie. A speck in the Indian ocean inhabited by a hundred native fishermen and 300 bewildered chinese gas workers :hehe:

The island where Madeline McCann can be found

[Sir C]

The island where Madeline McCann can be found

To be honest I think she'd stand out a bit there mate.

[redgunamo]

The island where Madeline McCann can be found

And the Loch Ness monster. And our title challenge.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

To be honest I think she'd stand out a bit there mate.

An undiscovered island so remote and tiny that it does not show up on the radar of passing aircraft

[World's End Stella]

My father-in-law's just announced his 24-year-old sex-trafficked, FGM'd Nigerian wife is pregnant. He's just been sacked from a job in Dubai and moved back to the US to take another job. To no-one's surprise, her efforts to acquire a US visa so she can join him have been declined and she's now stuck in Dubai, alone, pregnant, jobless and on borrowed time before she gets turfed back to Nigeria.

If you are going to describe her in definitive terms like that Monty, I think you should have added in 'clitorisless'.

For completeness like.