Your random sports playing stories.

[Pat Vegas]

I once scored a goal playing ice hockey that was ruled out as I 'didn't celebrate' so they thought it didn't go in.
:shrug: that was *******s.

I once got ****ed over in a race at school when a kid I lapped fooled them into thinking he was ahead of me :furious:

[Burney]

I once scored a goal playing ice hockey that was ruled out as I 'didn't celebrate' so they thought it didn't go in.
:shrug: that was *******s.

I once got ****ed over in a race at school when a kid I lapped fooled them into thinking he was ahead of me :furious:

The greatest catch I ever took was diving full length at silly mid-off about 9 yards from the bat. The batsmen middled it and it was travelling about six inches off the deck. I went at it one handed and it stuck. Must have looked amazing.
Only problem was, as I got up to celebrate, I realised the fastening on my trousers had broken as I landed. So, as I was mobbed by my team-mates, my trousers fell down. :-(

[Pokster]

The greatest catch I ever took was diving full length at silly mid-off about 9 yards from the bat. The batsmen middled it and it was travelling about six inches off the deck. I went at it one handed and it stuck. Must have looked amazing.
Only problem was, as I got up to celebrate, I realised the fastening on my trousers had broken as I landed. So, as I was mobbed by my team-mates, my trousers fell down. :-(

The old fastening on my trousers broke eh... you are a sexual deviant and I accuse you of exposing yourself at every possible occasion

[Burney]

The old fastening on my trousers broke eh... you are a sexual deviant and I accuse you of exposing yourself at every possible occasion

:nod: How's about that then?

[Pokster]

:nod: How's about that then?

At least you play a summer sport so that the cold weather won't cause an issue with exposing yourself

[Burney]

At least you play a summer sport so that the cold weather won't cause an issue with exposing yourself

I dunno. Some of the early games in April, there isn't much to expose.

[Ash]

Your random sports playing stories.

Playing football for an U10 team, I was up front and in the box, about to slot the ball home when the opposition captain picked the ball up, ran with it a couple of yards, then put it down again. Our penalty claims were ignored by the ref who was the offending player's dad.

[Sir C]

I once scored a goal playing ice hockey that was ruled out as I 'didn't celebrate' so they thought it didn't go in.
:shrug: that was *******s.

I once got ****ed over in a race at school when a kid I lapped fooled them into thinking he was ahead of me :furious:

Having my ankle smashed by a great lump of a centre half was one thing, but having him call me a 'flash cvnt' afterwards put quite the tin lid on it. Things didn't improve when my shattered shin pad fooled caused onlookers to think I had a bone poking out and made one lad puke.

This was not a good day.

[Billy Goat Sverige]

I once scored a goal playing ice hockey that was ruled out as I 'didn't celebrate' so they thought it didn't go in.
:shrug: that was *******s.

I once got ****ed over in a race at school when a kid I lapped fooled them into thinking he was ahead of me :furious:

When i was in year 8 i was playing football during break and stood around goal hanging and having a daydream. Next minute the keeper has booted the ball up field, it hit me on the corner of my head and went in the top corner from about 15 yards out :hehe:

One of those things that wouldn't happen again if you tried a thousand times.

[Burney]

When i was in year 8 i was playing football during break and stood around goal hanging and having a daydream. Next minute the keeper has booted the ball up field, it hit me on the corner of my head and went in the top corner from about 15 yards out :hehe:

One of those things that wouldn't happen again if you tried a thousand times.

Once, while playing football in our primary school playground, the tennis ball we were using was kicked through the chainlink fence. Dean Gordon, who went on to play for Palace and Middlesbrough and was in my class (at school - not as a footballer) climbed over the fence to get it back. Having thrown it over, he climbed back, only to miss his footing at one point and land on his face.

He was rushed off to hospital, where he got some stitches and iodine and whatnot, only to come back that afternoon with his lips bruised and swollen to the size of rugby balls.

This being the early 80s, I regret to say it's possible that some highly racist remarks were made about his appearance. :-(

[Burney]

Having my ankle smashed by a great lump of a centre half was one thing, but having him call me a 'flash cvnt' afterwards put quite the tin lid on it. Things didn't improve when my shattered shin pad fooled caused onlookers to think I had a bone poking out and made one lad puke.

This was not a good day.

Had you been being a flash cvnt, though? :sherlock:

[Luis Anaconda]

The greatest catch I ever took was diving full length at silly mid-off about 9 yards from the bat. The batsmen middled it and it was travelling about six inches off the deck. I went at it one handed and it stuck. Must have looked amazing.
Only problem was, as I got up to celebrate, I realised the fastening on my trousers had broken as I landed. So, as I was mobbed by my team-mates, my trousers fell down. :-(
In one game, I took a fairly stunning catch at short square leg - similar, off the meat of the bat, full length dive, one handed, ball stuck. I was doubly smug as I was captain and had just posted myself there. New batsmen came in, seemed to favour the leg side against our left arm over the wicket bowler, put myself at short extra cover for the leading edge. The batsmen duly obliges - absolute dolly catch. I was mentally doffing my cap and waving to my (non-existent) adoring crowd. Only thing was as the ball came down, it had an awful lot of spin on it and because my concentration had dropped my hands were less than soft and the ball hit my palms, spun out of them and smacked me in the face. I think only the fact that it split my lip and cause some damage to my nose stopped my bowler from (rightfully) punching me

[Burney]

In one game, I took a fairly stunning catch at short square leg - similar, off the meat of the bat, full length dive, one handed, ball stuck. I was doubly smug as I was captain and had just posted myself there. New batsmen came in, seemed to favour the leg side against our left arm over the wicket bowler, put myself at short extra cover for the leading edge. The batsmen duly obliges - absolute dolly catch. I was mentally doffing my cap and waving to my (non-existent) adoring crowd. Only thing was as the ball came down, it had an awful lot of spin on it and because my concentration had dropped my hands were less than soft and the ball hit my palms, spun out of them and smacked me in the face. I think only the fact that it split my lip and cause some damage to my nose stopped my bowler from (rightfully) punching me

:hehe: We all act like we've got broken fingers when we've shelled one, though, don't we? I remember once spilling one at slip, making a pained face and closely examining the damage in the traditional way, only for our fast bowler to say loudly: "Don't be a cvnt. It wouldn't have hurt if you'd caught the fvcking thing!" :-(

[redgunamo]

Once, while playing football in our primary school playground, the tennis ball we were using was kicked through the chainlink fence. Dean Gordon, who went on to play for Palace and Middlesbrough and was in my class (at school - not as a footballer) climbed over the fence to get it back. Having thrown it over, he climbed back, only to miss his footing at one point and land on his face.

He was rushed off to hospital, where he got some stitches and iodine and whatnot, only to come back that afternoon with his lips bruised and swollen to the size of rugby balls.

This being the early 80s, I regret to say it's possible that some highly racist remarks were made about his appearance. :-(

Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

"Following his retirement, Gordon now lives in Sunderland and began coaching and teaching for the 'Show Racism The Red Card' group and now goes around schools in the North East to teach them about racism."

Although "lives in Sunderland .." :-\

[Sir C]

Had you been being a flash cvnt, though? :sherlock:

Well, yes, naturally. I was playing football :shrug:

I'm not English, footballistically speaking, you know.

[Burney]

Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

"Following his retirement, Gordon now lives in Sunderland and began coaching and teaching for the 'Show Racism The Red Card' group and now goes around schools in the North East to teach them about racism."

:-\

:hehe: That's just made me laugh out loud, r!

I like the idea that he's teaching them what he learned at Winterbourne Junior School, Thornton Heath.

[Burney]

Well, yes, naturally. I was playing football :shrug:

I'm not English, footballistically speaking, you know.

Serves you right, then. This was the 1980s. Going around doing tippy-tappy sh1t like that in 1980s England was only ever going to end one way, wasn't it?

[SWv2]

Playing football for an U10 team, I was up front and in the box, about to slot the ball home when the opposition captain picked the ball up, ran with it a couple of yards, then put it down again. Our penalty claims were ignored by the ref who was the offending player's dad.

No penalties in U10 football.

Trust me, I am a manager.

[Pokster]

No penalties in U10 football.

Trust me, I am a manager.

there are very occasionally, almost needs to catch the ball and hold it while kicking their striker 10 times to be given..... strangely enough they never get given my the other teams ref against them

[Sir C]

Serves you right, then. This was the 1980s. Going around doing tippy-tappy sh1t like that in 1980s England was only ever going to end one way, wasn't it?

:nod: Being called a 'flash ****' wasn't a novelty for me, I can assure you, but as I lay on the ground looking at my foot pointing the wrong way, I rather thought he'd already made his point and that the vocal insult was little short of gratuitous.

I suffered for my art in them days, b.

[redgunamo]

:hehe: That's just made me laugh out loud, r!

I like the idea that he's teaching them what he learned at Winterbourne Junior School, Thornton Heath.

You couldn't make it up, could you. May just as well get *me* to do it, for all the good it's going to do #FakeRacism

[Burney]

:nod: Being called a 'flash ****' wasn't a novelty for me, I can assure you, but as I lay on the ground looking at my foot pointing the wrong way, I rather thought he'd already made his point and that the vocal insult was little short of gratuitous.

I suffered for my art in them days, b.

He was giving you important moral instruction if you think about it. You ought to be grateful.

[redgunamo]

No penalties in U10 football.

Trust me, I am a manager.

Really? No wonder we never win the World Cup.

[Pat Vegas]

No penalties in U10 football.

Trust me, I am a manager.

I had to take a pen in a under 10 game.

I told this one it was in front of the arsenal scouts and it was saved by a girl :-(

actually i may have been 10. When was the North bank rebuilt?

[Luis Anaconda]

:hehe: We all act like we've got broken fingers when we've shelled one, though, don't we? I remember once spilling one at slip, making a pained face and closely examining the damage in the traditional way, only for our fast bowler to say loudly: "Don't be a cvnt. It wouldn't have hurt if you'd caught the fvcking thing!" :-(

Classic fast bowler's response. ****s

[Sir C]

He was giving you important moral instruction if you think about it. You ought to be grateful.

I played for a side for a while within which I was known by the somewhat literal, if inaccurate, moniker, 'Dutch'. Upon hearing this the opposition would often start calling me a flash **** before I'd touched the ball.

Naturally, this all caused my orange blood to bubble with excitement and lead to utterly unwarranted flicks, backheels, Hollywood passes and, my favourite, every possible opportunity being taken to strike the ball with the outside of the boot.

It's no wonder I got kicked, really.

[71 Guns - channeling the spirit of Mr Hat]

I once scored a goal playing ice hockey that was ruled out as I 'didn't celebrate' so they thought it didn't go in.
:shrug: that was *******s.

I once got ****ed over in a race at school when a kid I lapped fooled them into thinking he was ahead of me :furious:

Playing cricket for the local team, one of the batsmen whacked the ball over the netting and into the allotments next door to our pitch (hell of a stroke). One of my team-mates climbed up the netting to see if he could see it...and yes, when he jumped down, caught his wedding ring in said netting and ripped his ring finger off under the knuckle. It made the front page of the local paper the next day.

[Burney]

Classic fast bowler's response. ****s

Yes. Wasn't quite the cheery 'Never mind/Let's make sure we catch the next one'-type response I'd been hoping for.

[Burney]

Playing cricket for the local team, one of the batsmen whacked the ball over the netting and into the allotments next door to our pitch (hell of a stroke). One of my team-mates climbed up the netting to see if he could see it...and yes, when he jumped down, caught his wedding ring in said netting and ripped his ring finger off under the knuckle. It made the front page of the local paper the next day.

Did he get his ring back?

[71 Guns - channeling the spirit of Mr Hat]

Did he get his ring back?

:nod: they couldn't save the finger though. I seem to remember him losing another finger playing golf - god knows how.

[Sir C]

Playing cricket for the local team, one of the batsmen whacked the ball over the netting and into the allotments next door to our pitch (hell of a stroke). One of my team-mates climbed up the netting to see if he could see it...and yes, when he jumped down, caught his wedding ring in said netting and ripped his ring finger off under the knuckle. It made the front page of the local paper the next day.

I saw a lad get caught by the ring jumping up to unhook the nets from the goal after a game. He just hung there sort of screaming until a couple of blokes lifted him up and he unhooked himself. His hand was a bit sore but he was otherwise ok.

[Pokster]

Playing cricket for the local team, one of the batsmen whacked the ball over the netting and into the allotments next door to our pitch (hell of a stroke). One of my team-mates climbed up the netting to see if he could see it...and yes, when he jumped down, caught his wedding ring in said netting and ripped his ring finger off under the knuckle. It made the front page of the local paper the next day.

Sunday leage ref did that when checking the crossbar net was on properly, his finger was torn off and I had to wait in A&E to get my head stitched after falling off my bike onto a rock.... I was also out cold so only know this from my folks telling me

[Burney]

I played for a side for a while within which I was known by the somewhat literal, if inaccurate, moniker, 'Dutch'. Upon hearing this the opposition would often start calling me a flash **** before I'd touched the ball.

Naturally, this all caused my orange blood to bubble with excitement and lead to utterly unwarranted flicks, backheels, Hollywood passes and, my favourite, every possible opportunity being taken to strike the ball with the outside of the boot.

It's no wonder I got kicked, really.

Yes. Well if such treatment helped rid you of any propensity for ostentation it was worth it.

How's the Aston, btw?

[Pokster]

I once scored a goal playing ice hockey that was ruled out as I 'didn't celebrate' so they thought it didn't go in.
:shrug: that was *******s.

I once got ****ed over in a race at school when a kid I lapped fooled them into thinking he was ahead of me :furious:

Was stood on the 18th Green in Portugal with a 10 foot putt for my first even sub par round... just as i sank it a bloke in the group behind got a hole in 1 at the 17th.... so my monet of glory was stolen by the *******.

Got my own back by going round the next day at an even better course in 1 under and beating him in the process

[Burney]

:nod: they couldn't save the finger though. I seem to remember him losing another finger playing golf - god knows how.

:-( The mind boggles. Short of some vicious carnivore having taken up residence in the hole, it's hard to imagine a situation where that's possible.

[Burney]

Sunday leage ref did that when checking the crossbar net was on properly, his finger was torn off and I had to wait in A&E to get my head stitched after falling off my bike onto a rock.... I was also out cold so only know this from my folks telling me

I had no idea fingers came off so easily.

[71 Guns - channeling the spirit of Mr Hat]

I had no idea fingers came off so easily.

I've yet to meet a farmer with a complete set.

[Burney]

I saw a lad get caught by the ring jumping up to unhook the nets from the goal after a game. He just hung there sort of screaming until a couple of blokes lifted him up and he unhooked himself. His hand was a bit sore but he was otherwise ok.

Talking of being caught by the ring, I lived with a chap at university who played centre half for one of the Uni teams. One day on a wet pitch, he was trying to shield the ball out of play, was nudged by the 14-stone opposition centre forward and fell face down in the mud. The centre-forward stumbled in his haste to get to the ball, slipped and landed with his boot on my friend's arse, with one of his studs rudely penetrating his anus, causing some rippage and quite a lot of bleeding.
He required several stitches in his nipsy and was never far from a rubber ring and a bag of frozen peas for the next couple of weeks. In fact, at one stage I think we objected to the peas being kept in the freezer next to food we were actually going to eat.

[Sir C]

Talking of being caught by the ring, I lived with a chap at university who played centre half for one of the Uni teams. One day on a wet pitch, he was trying to shield the ball out of play, was nudged by the 14-stone opposition centre forward and fell face down in the mud. The centre-forward stumbled in his haste to get to the ball, slipped and landed with his boot on my friend's arse, with one of his studs rudely penetrating his anus, causing some rippage and quite a lot of bleeding.
He required several stitches in his nipsy and was never far from a rubber ring and a bag of frozen peas for the next couple of weeks. In fact, at one stage I think we objected to the peas being kept in the freezer next to food we were actually going to eat.

Nasty business and no mistake.

Stitches in the ringpiece. It really doesn't bear thinking about.

[Sir C]

I've yet to meet a farmer with a complete set.

But when they lose one round there they're down to 11, I suppose.

[redgunamo]

Nasty business and no mistake.

Stitches in the ringpiece. It really doesn't bear thinking about.

Even so, there's no excuse for frozen peas, is there.

[Sir C]

Was stood on the 18th Green in Portugal with a 10 foot putt for my first even sub par round... just as i sank it a bloke in the group behind got a hole in 1 at the 17th.... so my monet of glory was stolen by the *******.

Got my own back by going round the next day at an even better course in 1 under and beating him in the process

He said 'sport', mate.

[Sir C]

Yes. Well if such treatment helped rid you of any propensity for ostentation it was worth it.

How's the Aston, btw?

Well however it is, I'd say ostentation would be the least of its properties.

[Burney]

Nasty business and no mistake.

Stitches in the ringpiece. It really doesn't bear thinking about.

We were immensely sympathetic, as I'm sure you can imagine.

[71 Guns - channeling the spirit of Mr Hat]

But when they lose one round there they're down to 11, I suppose.
:hehe: :clap: in Jorge's absence someone had to :-|

[Pokster]

He said 'sport', mate.

Oh Gawd.... is this a flashback to a few weeks ago when we had page after page of this.... you being Dutch won't understand golf

[Sir C]

:hehe: :clap: in Jorge's absence someone had to :-|

Open goal, really. :hehe:

[Burney]

Well however it is, I'd say ostentation would be the least of its properties.

:hehe: Only joshing. It must be a few years old now, though, mustn't it? How long are you going to keep it?

[Sir C]

:hehe: Only joshing. It must be a few years old now, though, mustn't it? How long are you going to keep it?

Coming up for three. I may bail before the warranty expires tbh. I don't fancy having to foot the bills.

[Sir C]

Oh Gawd.... is this a flashback to a few weeks ago when we had page after page of this.... you being Dutch won't understand golf

The day we let that one slide, Awimb will be officialy dead.

[Luis Anaconda]

Nasty business and no mistake.

Stitches in the ringpiece. It really doesn't bear thinking about.

Ah - the old "a 14stone centre forward stepped on me excuse"

[Burney]

Ah - the old "a 14stone centre forward stepped on me excuse"

:hehe: We did point this out. Although turning up to A&E in his football kit did lend verisimilitude to the thing.