So joining the David Lloyd Centre has proven to be possibly the best decision of

[Monty92]

my adult life.

With a £250-a-month family membership, we have access to 12 pristine indoor tennis courts, a heated indoor swimming pool, jacuzzi and spa, an outdoor pool with sundeck, an enormous gymnasium, a business centre with plasma screens showing news and sport, a café that actually serves good (and healthy) all-day food, a soft play area for the little’uns, a crèche, and enough yummy mummies to shake a stick at.

Honestly, I am almost beyond delirious that I’ve discovered this place. Which I am aware is very, very sad.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Pat Sharpe goes there

[Sir C]

my adult life.

With a £250-a-month family membership, we have access to 12 pristine indoor tennis courts, a heated indoor swimming pool, jacuzzi and spa, an outdoor pool with sundeck, an enormous gymnasium, a business centre with plasma screens showing news and sport, a café that actually serves good (and healthy) all-day food, a soft play area for the little’uns, a crèche, and enough yummy mummies to shake a stick at.

Honestly, I am almost beyond delirious that I’ve discovered this place. Which I am aware is very, very sad.

Last year I booked a hotel in the countryside for a long weekend, and when I arrived it had exactly this municipal leisure centre vibe you decribe here.

I turned around and walked straight back to the car and fúcked off.

[Burney]

my adult life.

With a £250-a-month family membership, we have access to 12 pristine indoor tennis courts, a heated indoor swimming pool, jacuzzi and spa, an outdoor pool with sundeck, an enormous gymnasium, a business centre with plasma screens showing news and sport, a café that actually serves good (and healthy) all-day food, a soft play area for the little’uns, a crèche, and enough yummy mummies to shake a stick at.

Honestly, I am almost beyond delirious that I’ve discovered this place. Which I am aware is very, very sad.

Has anyone asked you how much you bench yet?

[Monty92]

Last year I booked a hotel in the countryside for a long weekend, and when I arrived it had exactly this municipal leisure centre vibe you decribe here.

I turned around and walked straight back to the car and fúcked off.

Oh Jesus, I wouldn't holiday there. But for somewhere local to use as a work space where I can duck out for a swim or a game of tennis during my lunch break, and to take the sprogs on a rainy day, it's absolutely perfect.

[Burney]

Oh Jesus, I wouldn't holiday there. But for somewhere local to use as a work space where I can duck out for a swim or a game of tennis during my lunch break, and to take the sprogs on a rainy day, it's absolutely perfect.

Are you good at tennis, m?

[Monty92]

Has anyone asked you how much you bench yet?

My hernia has put paid to my benching :-(

Speaking of which, my dad started puking brown vomit last week and didn’t stop for two days. Turns out he had a strangulated hernia which was pushing his poo up from his bowels back into his stomach, and then emerging from his mouth.

He left hospital a couple of days ago and I went to lunch with him yesterday. He offered me his spoon to try his soup and I politely declined :-(

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Oh Jesus, I wouldn't holiday there. But for somewhere local to use as a work space where I can duck out for a swim or a game of tennis during my lunch break, and to take the sprogs on a rainy day, it's absolutely perfect.

Can you swim without armbands ?

[Burney]

My hernia has put paid to my benching :-(

Speaking of which, my dad started puking brown vomit last week and didn’t stop for two days. Turns out he had a strangulated hernia which was pushing his poo up from his bowels back into his stomach, and then emerging from his mouth.

He left hospital a couple of days ago and I went to lunch with him yesterday. He offered me his spoon to try his soup and I politely declined :-(

Oh, for fück's sake! I don't need to hear about your father vomiting faeces. :-(

[Monty92]

Are you good at tennis, m?

Not really, but I'd like to get better. I played Awimb's Ash a few years back and I think he was playing with the handbrake on and still bantered me off with embarrassing ease :-(

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Oh, for fück's sake! I don't need to hear about your father vomiting faeces. :-(

Monty will put him up for Britain's Got Talent

[Sir C]

Oh, for fück's sake! I don't need to hear about your father vomiting faeces. :-(

Imagine his breath. Gefilte fish and shíte. :-(

[Monty92]

Oh, for fück's sake! I don't need to hear about your father vomiting faeces. :-(

It was truly rank. The thing is, he was in such a daze when the doctor's explained what was happening, I don't think he took it on board. I still think he reckons it was that colour because of something he'd eaten.

I might break it to him as we sit down to Christmas dinner, just for the bantz.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Imagine his breath. Gefilte fish and shíte. :-(

Talking sh.it runs in the family

[barrybueno]

Token 'like father, like son' comment.

[Burney]

Imagine his breath. Gefilte fish and shíte. :-(

'Oy vey! My kishkas are fercockt!'

[Ash]

Not really, but I'd like to get better. I played Awimb's Ash a few years back and I think he was playing with the handbrake on and still bantered me off with embarrassing ease :-(

Fancy another game? I haven't played myself for years now and wouldn't mind hitting a few balls and shaking some of the rust off, as they say. Fnar fnar.

[Burney]

Not really, but I'd like to get better. I played Awimb's Ash a few years back and I think he was playing with the handbrake on and still bantered me off with embarrassing ease :-(

I used to be really quite handy. My groundstrokes are still pretty decent, but my serve went years ago when I basically fücked my shoulder. :-(

[Monty92]

Fancy another game? I haven't played myself for years now and wouldn't mind hitting a few balls and shaking some of the rust off, as they say. Fnar fnar.

Definitely, although I'll have to decide whether to charge you for the guest pass, which I get two of a month as part of my membership, but ordinarily costs £25.

Let me have a few knock arounds first as I think I've only played once since our game :-O

[Ash]

Definitely, although I'll have to decide whether to charge you for the guest pass, which I get two of a month as part of my membership, but ordinarily costs £25.

Let me have a few knock arounds first as I think I've only played once since our game :-O

We could play in Waterlow Park. Or on the Heath.

[Sir C]

Definitely, although I'll have to decide whether to charge you for the guest pass, which I get two of a month as part of my membership, but ordinarily costs £25.

Let me have a few knock arounds first as I think I've only played once since our game :-O

:clap: You must be the tightest **** in Finchley. :clap:

Fúck hospitality, you'd better decide how much to charge the poor fúcker.

[Monty92]

:clap: You must be the tightest **** in Finchley. :clap:

Fúck hospitality, you'd better decide how much to charge the poor fúcker.

I was only joking :-(

[Sir C]

I was only joking :-(

Apologies, I take it all back.

And as for the title of 'tightest **** in Finchley', I think we both know to whom that accolade belongs, don't we?

[Monty92]

We could play in Waterlow Park. Or on the Heath.

What's wrong with the David Lloyd? :-( Are you worried you'll catch Middle Class c*ntery?

There are outdoor courts if you prefer

[Monty92]

Apologies, I take it all back.

And as for the title of 'tightest **** in Finchley', I think we both know to whom that accolade belongs, don't we?

Hang on, is this about my partner's vagina again? You're obsessed.

[Sir C]

Hang on, is this about my partner's vagina again? You're obsessed.

God no, I was thinking about your mum, secure in the knowledge that you and I have spent years pounding away at her ringpiece.

:-( Too much.

[Burney]

Hang on, is this about my partner's vagina again? You're obsessed.

How is the sex life, btw? Have things got back on an even keel after the hot tub incident?

[Monty92]

God no, I was thinking about your mum, secure in the knowledge that you and I have spent years pounding away at her ringpiece.

:-( Too much.

But she's lived in Wembley for the past 36 years.

[Burney]

God no, I was thinking about your mum, secure in the knowledge that you and I have spent years pounding away at her ringpiece.

:-( Too much.

I can't be thinking about Monty's parents like that. Not after the fecal emesis thing. :-( By association, it's ruined his mum for me.

[Monty92]

How is the sex life, btw? Have things got back on an even keel after the hot tub incident?

I might consider telling you if I didn't think you'd use it as another reason to mock me :-(

[Monty92]

I can't be thinking about Monty's parents like that. Not after the fecal emesis thing. :-( By association, it's ruined his mum for me.

They're separated if it helps. I don't think they've been near each other's orifices for at least three decades.

[Burney]

I might consider telling you if I didn't think you'd use it as another reason to mock me :-(

:-( That bad, eh?

[Burney]

They're separated if it helps. I don't think they've been near each other's orifices for at least three decades.

Yes, but now I can't think about your mum without visualise your dad shïtting out of his mouth. Puts me right off.

[Sir C]

But she's lived in Wembley for the past 36 years.

Oh. Well who is the tightest **** in Finchley then?

[Ash]

What's wrong with the David Lloyd? :-( Are you worried you'll catch Middle Class c*ntery?

There are outdoor courts if you prefer

I played on a David Lloyd indoor court once. I found the carpet surface very quick compared to the hard courts I'd played on all my life. And I'm the tightest **** in Upper Holloway, who only earns a quarter of what you do.

[Monty92]

I played on a David Lloyd indoor court once. I found the carpet surface very quick compared to the hard courts I'd played on all my life. And I'm the tightest **** in Upper Holloway, who only earns a quarter of what you do.

Oh I'd shout you the guest pass, babes. I might even be able to smuggle you in using my girlfriend's pass.

[Monty92]

Oh. Well who is the tightest **** in Finchley then?

This would be a good plot for a romantic fairytale, imo.

It ends with you and me f*cking ferociously, natch.

[Sir C]

This would be a good plot for a romantic fairytale, imo.

It ends with you and me f*cking ferociously, natch.

Saucy. I like it.

[Pat Vegas]

my adult life.

With a £250-a-month family membership, we have access to 12 pristine indoor tennis courts, a heated indoor swimming pool, jacuzzi and spa, an outdoor pool with sundeck, an enormous gymnasium, a business centre with plasma screens showing news and sport, a café that actually serves good (and healthy) all-day food, a soft play area for the little’uns, a crèche, and enough yummy mummies to shake a stick at.

Honestly, I am almost beyond delirious that I’ve discovered this place. Which I am aware is very, very sad.

You spend £3000 a year on this. But you are not allowed to shop with Ocado?

[redgunamo]

You spend £3000 a year on this. But you are not allowed to shop with Ocado?

A market research chap I know explained that there's higher status attached, therefore people will spend more money on, things, symbols that are visible, tangible. The example he employed amounted to: Everyone sees the shoes you wear or the car you drive but no-one knows that the toothpaste you use costs a couple of quid a tube rather than a hundred quid.

If that helps.

[Burney]

A market research chap I know explained that there's higher status attached, therefore people will spend more money on, things, symbols that are visible, tangible. The example he employed amounted to: Everyone sees the shoes you wear or the car you drive but no-one knows that the toothpaste you use costs a couple of quid a tube rather than a hundred quid.

If that helps.

I hope Monty's dad has some good toothpaste :-(

[Pat Vegas]

A market research chap I know explained that there's higher status attached, therefore people will spend more money on, things, symbols that are visible, tangible. The example he employed amounted to: Everyone sees the shoes you wear or the car you drive but no-one knows that the toothpaste you use costs a couple of quid a tube rather than a hundred quid.

If that helps.

How right you are.

I just bought toothpaste for £1.27 as it was on sale at lunchtime.

[Sir C]

A market research chap I know explained that there's higher status attached, therefore people will spend more money on, things, symbols that are visible, tangible. The example he employed amounted to: Everyone sees the shoes you wear or the car you drive but no-one knows that the toothpaste you use costs a couple of quid a tube rather than a hundred quid.

If that helps.

I wish someone would explain that to the glw. Our soap and toothpaste both cost more by weight than gold :-(

[Burney]

I wish someone would explain that to the glw. Our soap and toothpaste both cost more by weight than gold :-(

390

This is the stuff. 80p a pop and makes you smell like a real man rather than some nancy boy.

[Sir C]

390

This is the stuff. 80p a pop and makes you smell like a real man rather than some nancy boy.

I quite agree. However, we have to use this stuff at about 4 quid a pop :-(

391

[Burney]

I quite agree. However, we have to use this stuff at about 4 quid a pop :-(

391

Hemp? 'Certified Fair Trade'? Are you still letting her read The Guardian, ffs?

All seems a lot of fuss to go to to clean out your crack at the end of the day. :shrug:

[Sir C]

Hemp? 'Certified Fair Trade'? Are you still letting her read The Guardian, ffs?

All seems a lot of fuss to go to to clean out your crack at the end of the day. :shrug:

And at the beginning of the day, of course.

Interview with Boy George in the Guardian; I didn't realise they've managed to get on long enough to go on tour. But anyway, I thought you'd like this about JM.

“Well, I think at this point, you just have to let people be who they are,” says George. “You’re in a band with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to agree with everything they think or do. Me and Jon have always bickered and we’ll always bicker, because, you know, he says things like: ‘It’ll be great if Trump got it, it’ll be interesting,’ with a straight face. He uses a lot of hyperbole, he says extreme things, but me arguing with Jon has nothing to do with our relationship. "

[redgunamo]

I wish someone would explain that to the glw. Our soap and toothpaste both cost more by weight than gold :-(

Yes. That was his point, I think; now everybody knows because you've just told us :-\

[redgunamo]

[ATTACH=CONFIG] ... some nancy boy.

I didn't know Sir C was one of *those* :-(

[redgunamo]

And at the beginning of the day, of course.

Interview with Boy George in the Guardian; I didn't realise they've managed to get on long enough to go on tour. But anyway, I thought you'd like this about JM.

“Well, I think at this point, you just have to let people be who they are,” says George. “You’re in a band with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to agree with everything they think or do. Me and Jon have always bickered and we’ll always bicker, because, you know, he says things like: ‘It’ll be great if Trump got it, it’ll be interesting,’ with a straight face. He uses a lot of hyperbole, he says extreme things, but me arguing with Jon has nothing to do with our relationship. "

They're on tour right now, I think. I'm keeping my head down on this one though :-|

[Burney]

And at the beginning of the day, of course.

Interview with Boy George in the Guardian; I didn't realise they've managed to get on long enough to go on tour. But anyway, I thought you'd like this about JM.

“Well, I think at this point, you just have to let people be who they are,” says George. “You’re in a band with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to agree with everything they think or do. Me and Jon have always bickered and we’ll always bicker, because, you know, he says things like: ‘It’ll be great if Trump got it, it’ll be interesting,’ with a straight face. He uses a lot of hyperbole, he says extreme things, but me arguing with Jon has nothing to do with our relationship. "

JM seems a chap after one's own heart. As I said many times, anyone with a sense of fun or curiosity wanted Trump to win really. Nothing to do with agreeing with him, just for the lolz, really.

[redgunamo]

JM seems a chap after one's own heart. As I said many times, anyone with a sense of fun or curiosity wanted Trump to win really. Nothing to do with agreeing with him, just for the lolz, really.

Right. He's even going to put the former CEO of the WWE in charge of something. What a man! And woman, I suppose.

[redgunamo]

JM seems a chap after one's own heart. As I said many times, anyone with a sense of fun or curiosity wanted Trump to win really. Nothing to do with agreeing with him, just for the lolz, really.

This bird.

I'm not sure just how many 60-70 year olds we need about the place running things. The way way things are nowadays though, maybe all of them :rubchin:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/cb/Linda_McMahon_Creative_Commons_Attribution-Share_Alike_2.0_Generic.jpg/464px-Linda_McMahon_Creative_Commons_Attribution-Share_Alike_2.0_Generic.jpg

[Monty92]

A market research chap I know explained that there's higher status attached, therefore people will spend more money on, things, symbols that are visible, tangible. The example he employed amounted to: Everyone sees the shoes you wear or the car you drive but no-one knows that the toothpaste you use costs a couple of quid a tube rather than a hundred quid.

If that helps.

David Lloyd membership is not a status symbol, it's a way of life.

[redgunamo]

David Lloyd membership is not a status symbol, it's a way of life.

Your mum is a way of life. But you knew that already, I suppose :-\

[redgunamo]

David Lloyd membership is not a status symbol, it's a way of life.

Anyway, David Lloyd doesn't really seem to be your sort, does he. At a casual glance, I mean. I'm sure he has hidden depths and everything

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/08/11/article-2389346-1B33DA86000005DC-456_634x422.jpg

[redgunamo]

I hope Monty's dad has some good toothpaste :-(

lol :-( ....