I've got a little bit of a crush on Sir Chris Hoy.

[Sir C]

I'm going to look for him on Twitter and stalk him a little.

[Burney]

I'm going to look for him on Twitter and stalk him a little.

Is it his giant thighs? How does he get trousers to fit?

[Sir C]

Is it his giant thighs? How does he get trousers to fit?

Oh, I haven't seen his thighs. I expect you're right and they're enormous; I'll just tuck that away as a bonus.

No, I saw him with the gurt lesbian Balding t'other night when, entirely by chance, I happened upon some bird, Loretta Trout perhaps, winning a gold medal for peddling, sorry, pedalling, and then her fiancé one won two! It was amazing and, naturally, I blubbed like a baby, but the best part of it was Sir Chris' punditry.

A gentleman, b. And Scottish! A gentleman nevertheless.

[Burney]

Oh, I haven't seen his thighs. I expect you're right and they're enormous; I'll just tuck that away as a bonus.

No, I saw him with the gurt lesbian Balding t'other night when, entirely by chance, I happened upon some bird, Loretta Trout perhaps, winning a gold medal for peddling, sorry, pedalling, and then her fiancé one won two! It was amazing and, naturally, I blubbed like a baby, but the best part of it was Sir Chris' punditry.

A gentleman, b. And Scottish! A gentleman nevertheless.

Laura Trott is from Cheshunt. She has a golden postbox. Also, I've been inside her leisure centre.

[Pat Vegas]

Oh, I haven't seen his thighs. I expect you're right and they're enormous; I'll just tuck that away as a bonus.

No, I saw him with the gurt lesbian Balding t'other night when, entirely by chance, I happened upon some bird, Loretta Trout perhaps, winning a gold medal for peddling, sorry, pedalling, and then her fiancé one won two! It was amazing and, naturally, I blubbed like a baby, but the best part of it was Sir Chris' punditry.

A gentleman, b. And Scottish! A gentleman nevertheless.

He's on my nice scots list.
Graeme Souness. (although incredibly dangerous)
The moustached SAS fella from the Iranian embassy siege.(although incredibly dangerous) (even if he is dead)

[Sir C]

Laura Trott is from Cheshunt. She has a golden postbox. Also, I've been inside her leisure centre.

I have no doubt of the veracity of any of those facts, of course.

You'd imagine those cyclists must become desensitised below the waist. Her fiancé chap must end up pistoning away, balls flying as his magnificent thighs and buttocks drive his todger back and forth, while she lies there going, 'Nope, nothing yet. Are you sure it's in?'

:-(

[Burney]

The moustached SAS fella from the Iranian embassy siege.


Yeah, you're going to have to narrow that one down a wee bit.

[Sir C]

He's on my nice scots list.
Graeme Souness. (although incredibly dangerous)
The moustached SAS fella from the Iranian embassy siege.

You've done well to think of three...

Sir Malcolm Rifkind, perhaps.

[Burney]

I have no doubt of the veracity of any of those facts, of course.

You'd imagine those cyclists must become desensitised below the waist. Her fiancé chap must end up pistoning away, balls flying as his magnificent thighs and buttocks drive his todger back and forth, while she lies there going, 'Nope, nothing yet. Are you sure it's in?'

:-(

I was watching that and - while you were blubbing - I was thinking that a/ she was a very unattractive cryer and b/he could do better

Since you mentioned Balding, I now can't get the thought of her and McEvedy locked in sapphic embraces out of my head. Can you imagine?

[Pat Vegas]

Yeah, you're going to have to narrow that one down a wee bit.

John McAleese hard as nails.

[Burney]

You've done well to think of three...

Sir Malcolm Rifkind, perhaps.


Michael Gove?

[Sir C]

I was watching that and - while you were blubbing - I was thinking that a/ she was a very unattractive cryer and b/he could do better

Since you mentioned Balding, I now can't get the thought of her and McEvedy locked in sapphic embraces out of my head. Can you imagine?

A veritable clash of the Titans. McAvity undoubtedly has hanging rolls of fat and a private pussy like a bucket, whilst Balding is possessed of hams twixt which coconuts might be cracked.

I find the prospect of watching such action terrifying and repulsive in equal measure.

[Sir C]

Michael Gove?

Not now he's a homeless.

[Ash]

You've done well to think of three...

Sir Malcolm Rifkind, perhaps.

Jim Clark. Definitely dead, that one.

I think that might be all of them, tbh.

[Burney]

Jim Clark. Definitely dead, that one.

I think that might be all of them, tbh.

Certainly not that **** Corbett.

[Pat Vegas]

Certainly not that **** Corbett.

I did a search for famous Scottish persons.
Not a good start. Alex Ferguson and Andy Murray.

[Burney]

I did a search for famous Scottish persons.
Not a good start. Alex Ferguson and Andy Murray.

:nod: Then there's the woman beater Connery. And a bunch of other cents. All in all, it's a poor field.

[Burney]

I did a search for famous Scottish persons.
Not a good start. Alex Ferguson and Andy Murray.

Although I did always fancy Miss Hooley out of Balamory, to be fair.

[Sir C]

:nod: Then there's the woman beater Connery. And a bunch of other cents. All in all, it's a poor field.

Charlie Nicholas!

As well as being kind, he's a dreamboat :cloud9:

[Burney]

Charlie Nicholas!

As well as being kind, he's a dreamboat :cloud9:

I'm not sure he's a gentleman